To think immediate family should be informed about a birth

[MarySmit]

I'm curious about this.

If you are a first degree relative, when would you expect to be told that a relative had just had a baby?

I'm feeling rather miffed that no one bothered to inform me, so wanted opinions on this

Honestly? All my family live in the same time zone, and we have a family WhatsApp group so I would expect to hear within a few hours, 2-3 maybe? All our babies have arrived during social hours though. I'd be disappointed if nobody thought to tell me about my niece/nephews arrival!

Thank you for the the helpful replies here. It seems like the majority do think it's normal to inform immediate family, either directly or indirectly, soon after the birth.

It may be an omission. I feel hurt because there is a history of previously being left out, despite trying hard on my part. As I mentioned before, the effort has felt quite one sided. There was regular communication prior to the baby's birth.

I'll take on the feedback to message to wish them well, and offer to visit if they would like that, and leave it at that.

I can understand why you are miffed. I would be really upset if my sibling omitted to tell me their baby had arrived.

I'd be miffed, but with my parents (assuming they were around and had been told) not my sibling.

I feel hurt because there is a history of previously being left out, despite trying hard on my part. As I mentioned before, the effort has felt quite one sided.

New baby aside, because that's a different thing, but it does sound like you need to accept that your sibling doesn't want to have a close relationship and move on. You will only get hurt and, as the sibling on the other side of this equation, the more effort you make the more they'll perceive it as pushing and the more they'll back away. I think you need to make your peace with the relationship not being what you would like it to be.

You are right. I had hoped that with a new baby this might be an opportunity to build a relationship. I will definitely step back and stop making the effort here.

Not when you already have a child who needs looking after while you're in hospital. Or when a family member happens to be present when it kicks off.

In mine and husband's family, both immediate and extended, everyone knows as soon as the labour has started, let alone the birth.
That's our normal, although I appreciate that everyone is different.

Or you've told your mum the date of your induction or elective section.

I went in to be induced on Tuesday and didn't have the baby until Thursday, my parents would've been beside themselves without the basic updates we gave them.

We told PILs and my Mum straight away (in facts PILs already knew when I was in labour, the first time because we were living with them and the second time because they had to come and pick DS up so we could leave for the hospital). Left it to them to tell Aunts & Uncles.

Think DH told his brother the next morning.

My brother found out when we popped something on social media however many days later. But he doesn’t give a shit about
me and the feeling is mutual.

Within 24 hours but I’d be fine if a sibling phoned our parents and asked them to let the rest of the family know. I wouldn’t expect the new mother or father to ring everyone. It all depends on the labour, delivery and the health of the new baby and the mother.

You tell people when you want to, I don't think I actually told my brother my 3rd child was born, I think he saw it on fb 3 days later. I couldn't be bothered messaging by the 3rd, it's not that we don't get on or anything, I had a horrible birth and didnt go home for a few days. My mil threw a hissy fit that we waited 4 hours to tell her our first child had arrived, she knew I was in labour unfortunately but I was a no live updates/radio silence when I was in labour each time. Only my parents knew I was in labour with the second, they also got radio silence, third we managed to not tell anyone I was in labour (it was a coincidence my parents were having the older 2 for a sleepover anyway so we got away with them not knowing until we rang with a baby!).

I think it is up to whoever had the baby to tell people, I would have quite happily not told anyone for a day or 2 each time, I loved those first few hours no one knowing except the 2 of us! No one is entitled to know, whatever "degree" relative you are (I don't really know what a 1st degree rele is). I say no one knew I was in labour, my best friends knew 😆 and they were given updates until I could no longer see or type, my husband let my friends know I/the baby was ok first each time I never thought it was weird really, then told them details after our parents knew! I love my family but I'd be more inclined to share with friends to be honest.

For my parents and partners parents and all siblings it was within the hour of me giving birth.
I think once you know everything’s okay and had time to yourselves to soak in the new arrival you can start telling people.

These responses are really weird. If it makes you feel any better, I'm still a bit miffed with a friend who told me all the issues during pregnancy and the induction date so I was worried about her then didn't bother to tell me she was ok for days.

I think, barring additional complications, you tell people who would reasonably be expected to worry asap so they can, y'know, stop worrying. You definitely tell the people who would be worried because you told them everything else!

Ah no that's terrible. Your family should have waited and had the curtesy to tell you that before announcing on Facebook 😥. No one should find out a close relative has died via social media.

Yes. Some oddly aggro responses

Wasn't previously familiar with the term first degree relative, and to be honest I find it an odd term as parent/child relationship is (in my experience) much more significant then the relationship between adult sibling.

I didn't directly tell my sibling or to be honest, give much thought to how/when they would be told. We did tell my mum and DH's parents within the first day, and assume they told the rest of the family. I also found out about my siblings kids through DM, usually within a day or two, but just tacked on to the next time we talked, which we tends to a couple of times a week anyway.

What because someone wasn't thinking of you when they just had a baby? You sound self absorbed to be honest, not everyone messages/phones every man and their dog when they just had a baby, some people just retreat to their own little bubble, they assume other people will pass on the news. I hardly told anyone myself with any of my children, siblings included. My husband didn't tell his siblings with any of our children, he just expected his parents would pass on the news.

I DO already have a child. We sort childcare with one person and they don’t say anything. Maybe I’m just from a family who don’t share everything with everyone. I personally wouldn’t want to know if someone close to me was in labor as it gives me anxiety and parents don’t need people texting whilst they are focused on the delivery. I just don’t get it. My mum will come to help and she won’t exactly be calling everyone else to tell them…

I wouldn't "expect" anything to start with.

And this is exactly why we don’t tell people when I’ve gone into labor. It just stresses people out and it’s not like you can keep messaging when in active delivery! I personally would rather find out once the baby has safely arrived and wouldn’t care if I didn’t find out straight away, but like you, if someone was telling me about complications and went silent I’d find that really hard!

I agree that it depends upon the closeness you normally share with your siblings.

I'm very close to my DSis, and I wanted to let her know of the safe arrival of my DCs as soon as I could.
She was the same, BiL rang me in the morning when DNephews arrived (she went into labour both times in the middle of the night, BiL rang at breakfast time).

That said, this was years ago, pre mobile phones. We both used the phone trolley that got wheeled to our bedside! Birth plans used to stipulate bringing 10p coins for the phone.

Generally within a few hours, certainly the same day unless there is a huge backstory.

I think you'd be told in order of relevance to the parents. Generally speaking blood relatives would be high on the list but so would friends. It also depends who lives with who too, so a call to mum could also inform younger siblings and their partners and possibly a step parent, neighbour etc who are part of the same household. I don't recall specifically telling my sister I'd given birth, but I did tell my SIL (OHs sister) and by default BIL at same time as MIL. My mum got first call...then friends.

I think your parents should have told you!