To think immediate family should be informed about a birth

[MarySmit]

I'm curious about this.

If you are a first degree relative, when would you expect to be told that a relative had just had a baby?

I'm feeling rather miffed that no one bothered to inform me, so wanted opinions on this

This ......

how did you reach this ridiculous conclusion?

DH rang his parents, my DM was with me when I went into labour and the family tom-toms did the rest. I thought that was pretty normal.

I would have been hurt to have been missed out of the family communication and to have been told in such an off-hand manner, but wouldn't necessarily expect the parents to be the ones arranging that everyone was informed.

With our two, I rang my mum a few hours after I gave birth via FaceTime, text my dad & rang my sister. DP rang his mum & text his sister. Everyone else got texts the following day.

Within a day I would expect to be told of a birth if I were the father, Grandparent, sibling, Aunt or Uncle of the baby. I would expect that once the baby was about two days old that I, in receipt of such happy information, could spread the news about - secure in the assumption that the parents would have told all people whom they wanted to inform personally by then.

Depends on your relationship with the person and if they had a difficult birth or if baby is poorly. The last thing you want to think about is telling everyone.

It depends on how your relationship is between you. But we told parents and siblings within the hour.
Maybe send some flowers and a congratulations card, then phone them after the flowers are delivered. Be lighthearted and happy even if your feelings are hurt. (I would be very hurt! But they would not know that from my behavior)

Maybe your relationship will be better going forward, since you mentioned recently you have reconnected. Good luck, I hope it works out well, and congratulations Auntie!

Is it brother or sister? I'm assuming brother, as they seem at times a bit more shit at keeping people up to date

I don't recall telling anyone - I had bigger issues to worry about! XH took care of it, and he was quite preoccupied himself, so if there was someone missed that was his fault. It would have been an oversight/assumption that 1 person would tell others.

I think you're looking for reasons to take offence OP, if you were secure in your relationship with this person you'd have given them the benefit of the doubt.

I've had several first degree babies in the family. Mostly, I was told some time on the day - not immediately but within about 12 - 24 hours, usually by message or phone call.

On the day.

In my extended family, the way it generally works is once mum and baby are all settled and good, dad phones both sets of grandparents and then they work down the line. Was always like that, even when I was a child. If it was an unholy hour, wait till morning of course. So I'd expect to find out about a new niece or nephew quite soon, but not necessarily directly from my siblings.

When you’ve just had a baby you’re in the horrors and heavens simultaneously. Lying there sometimes unable to move, drained exhausted and dh says ‘I’ll start letting people know’- I’d have not- had it just been me I’d have continued lying there holding the baby in shock and adoration in my own stunned little bubble! Had he sat there with me staring at the baby he’d have forgotten too! Give them a break!!!!!

We told all the family we get along well with on day one.

The family who are drama llamas still haven't been informed. I can do without it, frankly. I want to enjoy my baby before they barge in banging pans about how mistreated they are.

It does seem odd not to have told you assuming that you have a generally positive relationship. We rang our parents within an hour of delivery (it was late in the evening, if he'd arrived an hour or so later we'd have held off till morning). I messaged my brother the next day at 9am. I specifically remember telling my parents that they were fine to let my wider family know (my grandparents and aunts) but that I'd tell my brother. When my nephew was born my brother did the same - told parents very shortly after arrival and me the next morning.

My husband didn't tell his sister directly because they have a very poor relationship, but at that point she was living with his mum so would have heard from her (in fact would probably have overheard our phone call).

In my experience parents and other children are told over phone within a few hours . Siblings/ close relatives/friends told either by parents or text. Everyone else group what's app or sm message

How much time passed between having the baby and you calling them? Had they told anyone else in that time? I didn't want to be straight on my phone after giving birth. Not everyone is in the right headspace to start sending WhatsApp messages straight after giving birth.

Me too, mine doesn't know I've had 2 for 5 years now 😆

I expect parents to be told first and they tell the news to their other children and it spreads from there.

@PickAChew , I did read the post 3 up. I still don't understand

I had a premature baby, many complications and she stayed in hospital for first 2months of her life. I fully understand there can be huge stresses around birth

My comment was I don't understand the secrecy. Unless you don't get on with family, I would always want to share the news with them. I really don't get why you wouldn't

And I didn't say I was right. I was just giving my opinion...

With DS, we told both Nanas, and asked them to tell immediate family. The immediate family on DP's side then posted all over social media, tagging me in it, thus announcing the birth to everyone on our behalf before we were even home from hospital after a traumatic and complicated labour and birth. It was not appreciated, particularly given that we had no plans to post on social media in any case!

With DD, I had a freebirth at home, DM knew straight away, as she was supposed to be coming over to help with DS while I laboured/birthed, she told my siblings when she returned home (they still live with DM). DP's side of the family didn't find out until a week later when MIL returned from holiday and we told her. Nobody who wasn't close to us was told, because they didn't need to know, and we don't really 'do' social media as such.

Each family is different, and does things differently. I can understand your feelings on being upset/miffed you weren't told, it's exciting news, and it's always lovely to hear somebody has had a healthy baby, and Mum and baby are doing well. However it's not your baby, so really you don't have a right to know.

My last was born at 4am. I waited until I knew my dad would be awake and I called him and asked that he let everyone know. He phoned all 3 of my siblings and was delighted to get to spread the news. My inlaws had a mad dash up the motorway in the middle of the night so they could be at ours for DD. They got a WhatsApp a few minutes after he was out as they were waiting for news. When my siblings had children I got a call in less than 24 hours.

I think someone should have let you know the day it happened.

It sounds like OP isn't as close to this person as they think?
But also is this person the mother?
I didn't tell anyone...my OH did

He messaged my parents....they cascaded the message out.
Maybe they assumed OPs parents would let them know, and they assumed they hold them direct.

I WhatsApped my brother a few hours after the birth of ds - and he and his wife came to visit 2 days later.

My brother and SIL WhatsApped me also a few hours after birth of their dd. However, we do have a siblings WhatsApp group so it was just a quick message. Photos followed later when things were more settled.

Maybe you are irked at the wrong person? Her partner or your parents is more typically the news sharer unless they were told not to.

I don't understand all the secrecy (toxic relationships not included). Children are raised in families and communities. Births are still risky and why is it wrong if people want to share in your successful and happy outcome? Why do people feel the need to control the information?

I really don't understand the idea that if your very first thought after how ever many hours of labour, possibly bleeding heavily, maybe drugged and zonked out, and completely overwhelmed with relief and the emotion surge at delivering a baby isn't isn't "quick shove the baby into a crib and hand me my phone, I have much more important things to do than pay attention to my minutes-old newborn!! is active secrecy. That just seems like such a weird way to frame it.

Surely if a woman had just gone through such an extraordinarily physically and mentally challenging and draining experience as labour, especially if it was a very gruelling labour, or one with complications, or one where either baby or mum was in danger, you're just not in a headspace to be able to focus on anything except the baby and physically recovering? You might be so utterly bone-achingly exhausted you can't even remember your own name, much less remember your sibling. You might be completely overwhelmed by so many different things and emotions. Is your sibling really going to be uppermost in your mind?

Yeah okay some people are just weird, some people have different boundaries from their families, and some people know their families will descend and not let them have any privacy so they just want to enjoy a bit of time with their newborn first (which is understandable).

But as a general life rule I find that if you think someone is deliberately snubbing you, it's much more likely that they just weren't thinking about you at all because they had other things to think about.