To be annoyed that DH isn't home to cook dinner?

[firnk]

We both work long hours. I tend to work longer hours. But it seems like he always finds an excuse to stay in the office until later than me, so I get home and have started preparing him dinner.

Today he said he was leaving the office at around 7:00. Great I said, could he cook dinner (simple dish). I then got home around 8:15 expecting dinner to be ready. No sign of him. I text and he said he had to do something else but would leave now. I said ok, we can cook together when he gets back. Then I get an arsey reply telling me to eat without him he wants to do something else at work. Aka he wants me to cook his dinner.

I guess we'll never know if OP ate or not.

Good! What did he say, how did he react?

Hit him with his own tactics, either tell him you will be home at a much earlier time or , if he's not back when you get back, tell him to go and grab you both something on his way home because you can't be bothered cooking

Cook your own, enough for a couple of days. Freeze it.
When he's supposed to be cooking but isn't. Get your meal 4 one eat and enjoy.

You are being very odd.

This was my 21.05 post:

This couple appear to have no children, so there's no compelling reason for either or both of them to be at home at a certain time.

It's all about eating. What's so exciting about that? Why isn't it just something that you do when you get home some time between 7 and 9, either together or not? Why are there so many angry responses about men expecting women to cook for them?

Cooking is a complete non event for most people. Most people eat because it's time to eat and/or they are hungry. It isn't a big, exciting, special moment in the day which has massive significance. It is just fuel

I would say that's a pretty straightforward statement that "neither of them should make a big deal out of it".

There's no backtracking. I said in another post that this was all unnecessary drama about something completely meaningless, and that they should both cook for themselves as and when. I was then told off for viewing them as flatmates rather than a couple.

@ColloidalSliver
Your response makes so much sense. Cooking and eating are not some intimate activities that nurture or sustain a relationship. They are just some of the mundane activities that people typically handle in a way that is most convenient for them. There is no universally accepted couples manual or couples bible that dictates how eating or meals should be taken or managed.

I'm glad that's what you understood me to be saying, as I was starting to think I was going mad!

This couple appear to have no children, so there's no compelling reason for either or both of them to be at home at a certain time.

Because couples without children aren't real families 🙄

@ColloidalSliver
So many people respond as though relationships are guided or governed by some relationship Bible or manual and that there is only one way to handle all matters. In those instances, that"one way usually coincides with their particular perspective and they are usually incensed when their partners are not wise enough to share that perspective.

Oh FGS. That wasn't my point. My point was that so many people launch into "lazy father stays at work to avoid bath and bed" arguments, when these aren't relevant here.

Obviously if both people in a couple actually enjoy cooking and eating together, and have agreed that this is what they are going to do as it's a meaningful part of their relationship, then that's what they should do.

Problems like this tend to arise when Person A in the relationship thinks that something matters, but Person B is less bothered. Person A then thinks that Person B is trying to avoid/shirk their responsibilities, when Person B has no idea that s/he is in the dog house, because s/he has no idea that it matters so much to Person A.

As with everything, this can be completely avoided by the two people actually communicating with one another rather than dropping hints, making passive aggressive comments, making assumptions etc.

Person A (the OP) should actually talk to Person B (her husband), give him her views on the Cooking Issue, and ask him for his. They can then work out a compromise that suits them both.

(Personally I cba with this kind of conversation and prefer to do my own thing without reference to anyone else, but I don't live with my partner so I don't need to compromise, and neither does he).

Lazy husband does apply here though because he got arsey when he realised he wasn’t coming home to a cooked meal after prevaricating at work.

You don’t live with your partner so your situation is completely different to OP’s.

All your ‘let’s all just be kind’ message is annoying rather than helpful.

@CherryMaDeara Then I get an arsey reply telling me to eat without him he wants to do something else at work. Aka he wants me to cook his dinner

The thing is: the husband never said he wanted the OP to cook for him. He said she could eat without him. She inferred that he wanted her to cook his dinner, but never actually said it. This is what I mean by assumptions and hint-dropping. They're both playing a silly game rather than talking.

I'm not remotely advocating "be kind". I'm not particularly kind. I just can't be arsed with people who play mind games when they could talk to one another like adults.

The thing is that many enter into relationships with healthy well nourished men, who have managed, their means, laundry, cleaning, etc prior to this relationship or this marriage, and yet on MN the response is so often that he needed a woman to do all of these things.

Never mind that he was managing all of these things and in many cases a successfully progressing career as well.

I often wonder on what page, chapter, and verse of the Couples Relationship Bible/Manual are these things written.

The OP does not state that either of them are nutritionally deprived or challenged, so one. would assume that they are both capable of preparing food for themselves, and that doing so does not make either of them lazy or a poor partner.

It must be depressing to think that your role is outlined and defined as though you are some kind of Steford Partner.

Sit down and discuss how neither of you like doing it and come to an agreement. Is it acceptable to both of you to have dinner separately? To get takeaways a few set days a week or use ready meals? Maybe organise a rota of some kind. It's something that needs to be done daily and someone has to do it so you need to figure it out together. I have other chores like this and it needs to be discussed and addressed so you can work it out.

One of dhs colleagues used to work late to avoid the kids bed and bath time. His dw divorced him for being a useless so and so.

He got a new woman pg.

He is still doing it and she writes it off as crazy hours.

Feed yourself. Let him do what he wants. We do that here and it works really well. If I'm making something special I'll give him some, but most of the time it's just something from the fridge.
Might not be approved of but we both eat what we want, when we want and there is no stress.

Just say: “Awww I was soo looking forward to coming home to you having made a nice little dinner.
You’ll have to promise to make it up to me xxx!
Have fun tonight, good luck. Will have a quick take-away on my way home.”

Btw: what was the arsey message? Im curious.