To be annoyed that DH isn't home to cook dinner?

[firnk]

We both work long hours. I tend to work longer hours. But it seems like he always finds an excuse to stay in the office until later than me, so I get home and have started preparing him dinner.

Today he said he was leaving the office at around 7:00. Great I said, could he cook dinner (simple dish). I then got home around 8:15 expecting dinner to be ready. No sign of him. I text and he said he had to do something else but would leave now. I said ok, we can cook together when he gets back. Then I get an arsey reply telling me to eat without him he wants to do something else at work. Aka he wants me to cook his dinner.

For all we know she could be the battered woman off the other thread

Where?
Who has suggested making him dinner?

Eh? I'm saying neither of them should make a big deal out of it.

But you didn’t say that.

And you’re yet another person ignoring the fact that OP’s DH avoids coming home to cook and yet expects OP to have cooked for him.

Your faux bafflement and wonderings about why they don’t cook in synergy ignore the above.

You’re telling OP to batch cook and that he needs to work late.

And ignoring that he gets arsey when expected to help cook.

I don’t think YABU to want him to cook if he’s home first. I completely understand when you feel like the responsibility is on you and it can make you feel resentful. What I would do is look at slow cooker recipes with him and take it in turns to throw all the ingredients in before work and turn it on low. Then you can both serve yourself when you get home. I often do this when myself and my partner are working so as soon as I get home I can serve the kids dinner before swimming club or karate. Or if you take the responsibility on of doing the slow cooker meals ask him to tidy up when he gets home so that’s not another job you have to do, as you’ve got dinner ready. I find this helps me feel less resentful as I’ve got less to do when I get home then

So don’t do it? Just cook your own dinner or wait till he gets back.

Just cook for yourself or even better get a nice takeaway in. He’s a grown man who can sort himself out.

I have worked with mainly men for over 20 years and so many work late (scrolling in phone/surfing the net/chatting with a colleague) to avoid bath and bedtime. The same men pretend to not hear the baby wake or nudge their wife in bed to deal with it - yes they discuss that in meetings and others apparently find it funny.

@CherryMaDeara I'm not sure if the problem is reading comprehension or just wilful misunderstanding.

Nobody should be fussing or making a drama about cooking. OP and her husband have clearly got into one of those weird couple stand-offs where both are making a point about something completely irrelevant, namely whose turn it is to cook, and whose career is bigger and more important.

One of the many benefits of being divorced is that there's none of this ritualised "cooking" grind. Cooking is a chore and a bore.

True but I don't think OP has children.

You’re not sure because it’s neither. It’s either badly chosen words by you or backtracking.

Where in your post of 21.05 did you say neither of them should make a big deal out of it?

So your solution is... that she still cooks for him?

True but I don't think OP has children.

No, but it's a pattern. Men claiming they need to work late, so they don't have to do their share of household duties.

I don't think cooking tea is a "household duty" if there are no children in the house. OP can make herself something and he can sort his own tea when he gets home.

@Theunamedcat
Where is it written that a couple has to eat together or prepare food for each other. There are no universal couples laws about anything.

Sensible couples identify that which works for them in their particular circumstances and plan their lives are that which creates harmony and satisfaction in their lives.

There is no " couples script " that comes with relationship nor is there a one size fits all plan.

The OP does not say that her husband asks or expects her to prepare his meals and he seems to have no trouble eating alone. It is the OP who is dissatisfied and assuming some vague responsibility for feeding him.
Ha

She’d be cooking for herself, because she’s hungry - just not petty enough to make a point by not sticking a bit extra in the pot?
So many people happy to play stupid games on here, who actually wins, really?
What’s the point in a relationship where you get perverse pleasure in besting one another?
No way I could live like that.

To be fair, not all meals involve putting something in a pot where making for two is the same effort is making for one. I think I would just cook for myself on principle given that that's what he has suggested. Although he’s probably not working late deliberately to avoid cooking, if he is that would discourage him.

In my experience, Often men are very literal and quite oblivious to this sort of thing.
It seems like you have fallen into a routine which you now don’t think works for you because it doesn’t feel even. Just talk to him and be upfront about that.
I had a similar scenario where I like cooking but I felt like I had all the responsibility of doing dinner all the time. We talked about it and now DP is in charge of meal planning and the food shop and I generally cook as have more time in the evening and enjoy cooking and value us being able to eat together rather than doing my own thing and eating alone without him which I wouldn’t like. That feels like a fair split for us, hopefully you can find one for you!

Have you had a conversation with him about whoever gets home first cooks dinner? Or are you just expecting him to cook when he is first? Though it sounds like he knows this and is being late on purpose. If that's the case, only make something for you and he can fend for himself. He's capable of making his own dinner if he won't do the same for you.

if you lived alone you would need to make dinner.

My partner is a lazy git 80% of the time and I just got back from a holiday with my mum to him having not lifted a finger towards chores.

So I’ve just done all my own shopping and washing… cause I’m petty and it appears to have made a statement!

I worked for a man who did this to his wife. He would only leave the office once the 3 kids were fed and in bed. She left him for the builder employee to do up their dream home. He had it coming

He’s a selfish sexist arse. You don’t have to cook a new meal each night though…

Why can’t you tell him straight? “I’m fed up of you making excuses so that I end up making your dinner. In future we split the cooking. “

Is it though? The fact OP has posted this suggests its not a one off