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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be annoyed that DH isn't home to cook dinner?

217 replies

firnk · 13/09/2023 21:02

We both work long hours. I tend to work longer hours. But it seems like he always finds an excuse to stay in the office until later than me, so I get home and have started preparing him dinner.

Today he said he was leaving the office at around 7:00. Great I said, could he cook dinner (simple dish). I then got home around 8:15 expecting dinner to be ready. No sign of him. I text and he said he had to do something else but would leave now. I said ok, we can cook together when he gets back. Then I get an arsey reply telling me to eat without him he wants to do something else at work. Aka he wants me to cook his dinner.

OP posts:
kitsuneghost · 14/09/2023 13:22

For the longer term approach, Is there any meals you really like and he doesn't
If so I would be cooking my own favourites when I am left to cook
If he doesn't want his share then great 'I have my dinners sorted for tomorrow so you will have to do your own tomorrow again'.

Tinkerbyebye · 14/09/2023 13:42

Each cook your own when you get in

RJnomore1 · 14/09/2023 13:42

Of course if you sah it’s your fault for being boring while he’s surrounded with glamorous interesting temptation at work.

Honestly…

Comtesse · 14/09/2023 13:42

He’s sloping out of his share of the cooking. Does he do the same for other domestic jobs?

YukoandHiro · 14/09/2023 13:43

Do not have kids with this man.

willWillSmithsmith · 14/09/2023 13:53

Would it be worth trying a meal delivery service that delivers freshly cooked meals (not frozen ready meals) at least for a trial period?

Viviennemary · 14/09/2023 14:04

Have set days when each person cooks. If they can't they arrange a takeaway or you eat out.

Bringbackniles · 14/09/2023 14:20

I'm missing the point of this thread but I'm wondering which workplaces let you just stay and stay? Obviously I know hospitals etc are open 24 hours but everywhere I've worked (and it's been quite a varied experience) have had a set time you have to leave by, so security or whoever can lock up.

It doesn't sound as if it's shift work from the OP , maybe more of an office role so just curious as to who can stay until whenever.

GirlOfTudor · 14/09/2023 14:37

What office jobs do you have that are so busy and important that you are both not leaving until 7, 8 or 9pm?!
Competing to be the one who arrives home the latest is exhausting.
Try not mentioning when you expect to be home or who's cooking dinner. Just get home, make some food for yourself - end of conversation. I'm sure he can fend for himself.

Rewis · 14/09/2023 14:40

Bringbackniles · 14/09/2023 14:20

I'm missing the point of this thread but I'm wondering which workplaces let you just stay and stay? Obviously I know hospitals etc are open 24 hours but everywhere I've worked (and it's been quite a varied experience) have had a set time you have to leave by, so security or whoever can lock up.

It doesn't sound as if it's shift work from the OP , maybe more of an office role so just curious as to who can stay until whenever.

All places I've worked at everyone has a key and the last one looks up. If the place has a security system the last person turns it on and the first one in turns it off.

Current work place always locked and everyone has a keycard to swipe in and out. All door locked. Security does rounds but you just say hi and they move on to the next office. No time limits.

Mooomooland · 14/09/2023 14:42

I think life is too short. Make a sandwich.

WomblingTree86 · 14/09/2023 15:01

There are plenty of men and perhaps some women who work late to avoid cooking and dealing with children in the evening. However it doesn't sound like you have children and I doubt many people work late just to avoid cooking tea. I think you and a few others on here are making a huge deal out of nothing. Just cook yourself something and stop being childish.

WomblingTree86 · 14/09/2023 15:02

Comtesse · 14/09/2023 13:42

He’s sloping out of his share of the cooking. Does he do the same for other domestic jobs?

On the other hand he might just be working and quite happy to make himself food later.

Bringbackniles · 14/09/2023 15:07

@Rewis makes sense! The offices I've worked in haven't had anything like that so thankfully we all had to leave by a certain time!

Araminta34 · 14/09/2023 15:11

TawnyLarue · 13/09/2023 22:13

Honestly I’d have left my husband for trying to control me this way. Suffocating.

Some of the bitter replies here make me realize why so many marriages end in separation.

Lots of people assuming the husband is:
Lazy
Staying at work to avoid cooking
Selfish

He may simply have a lot to get through at work. We don't even know what his job entails.

I think the couple need a different system regarding cooking meals, but that should be easy to implement.

AbraKedavra · 14/09/2023 15:55

Skybluecoat · 13/09/2023 21:06

I would order myself a takeaway and then have an early night.

But I am a mardy bitch.

Contrary to what sometimes appears to be popular opinion that's not a badge of honour.

PrueRamsay · 14/09/2023 16:12

Here come the Surrendered Wives 😂

Jesseweneedtocook · 14/09/2023 20:56

She doesn't have to make him dinner though?

ColloidalSliver · 14/09/2023 21:05

This thread genuinely baffles me.

This couple appear to have no children, so there's no compelling reason for either or both of them to be at home at a certain time.

It's all about eating. What's so exciting about that? Why isn't it just something that you do when you get home some time between 7 and 9, either together or not? Why are there so many angry responses about men expecting women to cook for them?

Cooking is a complete non event for most people. Most people eat because it's time to eat and/or they are hungry. It isn't a big, exciting, special moment in the day which has massive significance. It is just fuel.

Sennelier1 · 14/09/2023 21:28

I ould do just that, eat without him. Not saying I would cook, and even less that I would cook for him.

CherryMaDeara · 14/09/2023 22:06

ColloidalSliver · 14/09/2023 21:05

This thread genuinely baffles me.

This couple appear to have no children, so there's no compelling reason for either or both of them to be at home at a certain time.

It's all about eating. What's so exciting about that? Why isn't it just something that you do when you get home some time between 7 and 9, either together or not? Why are there so many angry responses about men expecting women to cook for them?

Cooking is a complete non event for most people. Most people eat because it's time to eat and/or they are hungry. It isn't a big, exciting, special moment in the day which has massive significance. It is just fuel.

It isn't a big, exciting, special moment in the day which has massive significance. It is just fuel.

I agree it’s none of those, cooking from scratch every day is a grind, it’s relentless and often unappreciated and taken for granted.

And more often than not, it’s expected that women do it.

You may act as ‘baffled’ as you want, but you’re effectively another people telling OP it’s not a big deal and she should just cook because it’s ‘just fuel’. You are completely devaluing the work involved in cooking.

ColloidalSliver · 14/09/2023 22:39

You may act as ‘baffled’ as you want, but you’re effectively another people telling OP it’s not a big deal and she should just cook because it’s ‘just fuel’. You are completely devaluing the work involved in cooking

Eh? I'm saying neither of them should make a big deal out of it. If OP gets home and wants to cook and eat a four-course dinner, that's fine. If OP gets home and wants a crisp sandwich, that's fine. Whatever she chooses to eat, and when, shouldn't have any bearing on what her husband cooks or eats or doesn't cook or eat.

My whole point is that she should just do her own thing, and he should do his. Not that she should cook for him, or for herself, or for anyone at all. I'm not sure how you interpreted my post as meaning that she should be cooking her husband's dinner. Confused

Orangello · 15/09/2023 06:52

It isn't a big, exciting, special moment in the day which has massive significance.

For you. Maybe OP and husband have agreed that their dinner is a special moment and they don't just grab a crisp sandwich, but sit down to a freshly prepared elaborate meal at the end of every day. Only issue is that the partner sneakily wants OP to do all the work.

xsquared · 15/09/2023 07:26

OP hasn't returned so we don't know whether it got resolved.

Theunamedcat · 15/09/2023 07:33

ColloidalSliver · 14/09/2023 22:39

You may act as ‘baffled’ as you want, but you’re effectively another people telling OP it’s not a big deal and she should just cook because it’s ‘just fuel’. You are completely devaluing the work involved in cooking

Eh? I'm saying neither of them should make a big deal out of it. If OP gets home and wants to cook and eat a four-course dinner, that's fine. If OP gets home and wants a crisp sandwich, that's fine. Whatever she chooses to eat, and when, shouldn't have any bearing on what her husband cooks or eats or doesn't cook or eat.

My whole point is that she should just do her own thing, and he should do his. Not that she should cook for him, or for herself, or for anyone at all. I'm not sure how you interpreted my post as meaning that she should be cooking her husband's dinner. Confused

They are a couple not roommates