To be annoyed that DH isn't home to cook dinner?

[firnk]

We both work long hours. I tend to work longer hours. But it seems like he always finds an excuse to stay in the office until later than me, so I get home and have started preparing him dinner.

Today he said he was leaving the office at around 7:00. Great I said, could he cook dinner (simple dish). I then got home around 8:15 expecting dinner to be ready. No sign of him. I text and he said he had to do something else but would leave now. I said ok, we can cook together when he gets back. Then I get an arsey reply telling me to eat without him he wants to do something else at work. Aka he wants me to cook his dinner.

Meh, so she sorts her own dinner and leaves him to it. That’s up to him.

I'd make myself something quick then bugger off to the bath with my book and a large gin!

He can bloody sort himself out!

You are killing your marriage with your long hours. You need to make a strategic decision what's more important to you. If he is always wiggling out of chores let him be the breadwinner and take it easy with your career. Alternatively, stop complaining. I know it sounds harsh.

He wants you to cook dinner. But you can choose not to.

I'd make myself eggs on toast or something then go to bed if I were you.

Because what?

Honestly I’d have left my husband for trying to control me this way. Suffocating.

You are killing your marriage with your long hours

How on earth have you made this all OP's fault?

You are killing your marriage with your long hours. You need to make a strategic decision what's more important to you. If he is always wiggling out of chores let him be the breadwinner and take it easy with your career. Alternatively, stop complaining. I know it sounds harsh.

Ah yes women these are your two options:

Don't dare have a career because you have to do the housework

Have a career but don't ever moan about also having to do the house work

Or you know there could be a third option where they both get to work at their career and share the housework fairly...

Is he home yet ? Now after 10pm

This!! This behaviour would set huge alarm bells ringing for if you ever decide to have kids. A lazy DH is a minor annoyance pre-kids, but a total disaster after. You will be the family skivvy. Look at all the posts on MN asking why DH not pulling his weight!

Man says 'I'm going to the shops' women hears 'omg he wants me to clean up' do people always do this dramatic soap opera thing?

No wonder why people constantly complain about relationship issues going with this thinking

In this situation I'd be switching to quick, healthy meals for one that can't be cooked in advance eg spaghetti and salad; pan-fried salmon and steamed veg, then leaving him to do his own when he got in.

Further to the earlier post... my friend's 3rd marriage has just ended. He left for another woman after 5 years together. My friend is devastated. She is 51 with a grown up child (from a 2nd marriage). My friend has always been very career orientated. She doesn't want a career anymore she wants her husband back. However the husband is happy with his new woman who is happy to meet him at home after he finishes work. That's the world we live in, whether we like it or not

It sounds like you shouldn’t even be married. Please don’t have children.

What a lot of angst over bullshit.

You cook for yourself, so just make a bigger portion so he can have some when he gets in.

’Controlling’ FFS. What a load of drama over nothing. Some posters are so thirsty to play the victimised woman card.

I hope you didn’t cook for the lazy twat. Just cook for yourself.

I suspect you are a man. A man who expects women to do everything.

Thanks for the laugh!

No I’m not. I’m a working married woman who has bigger things to worry about that chucking some extra pasta in a pan.

Give over you drama llama

This is very depressing.

The DH’s attitude that is. Trying to outlast the OP at the office so that she ends up cooking.

And all the tales of the men trying to avoid bath and bed.

That's what I was thinking. Would anyone really lurk at the office for hours just to avoid cooking?

Also, if DH was out late and told me to eat without him I wouldn't assume at all that he wanted me to cook for him. I'd make enough for one and eat that, and that would be fine.

Further to the earlier post... my friend's 3rd marriage has just ended. He left for another woman after 5 years together. My friend is devastated. She is 51 with a grown up child (from a 2nd marriage). My friend has always been very career orientated. She doesn't want a career anymore she wants her husband back. However the husband is happy with his new woman who is happy to meet him at home after he finishes work. That's the world we live in, whether we like it or not

Who knew that men didn't cheat on SAHM's. Oh no... wait.... they do

Except now apparently if you work its your own fault if your husband cheats on you. 🙄

But of a strong reaction to your partner having to work late

Most people have to work late at some point.

The guy is still at work at 8.15 and needs to do something else but is a pathetic lazy arsehole - okaaaay

But that's the thing, did he HAVE to work late? Did he suddenly find something else that he NEEDED to do?

If this was a one off then certainly, but not if it's every night. Or at least, not unless he's extremely disorganised and inefficient. So those saying if the OP's cooking for herself then just make extra are playing right into his hands. Because that's what he expects her to do, every night. And the suggestions for batch cooking, if he won't do one evening what are the chances of him pitching in with that? I'd say probably smaller than my chances of winning the lottery.

OP you have to stop playing his game. Cook for yourself and only for yourself. he'll tell you that he didn't mean that, he meant do the cooking as usual but don't wait for him to come in, he'll have his when he arrives. Sod that.

And if this is his attitude to cooking dinner occasionally, I bet his contributions to the rest of the household stuff is fairly meagre (if it exists at all) as well.

I've always said to my daughter that she should be straightforward and take people at their word, i.e. say what you mean and assume others do the same, no game playing.

Cook for yourself, and leave him to cook for himself. If he asks why you've not cooked for him, then you can just refer him to what he said.

No no no, don't pre-warn him. I'd let him come home expecting his dinner ready, to find op has eaten all of her takeaway for one and he needs to sort himself out.

I'd possibly even go out and not be in when he got back.

She doesn't want a career anymore

Really? It would have been better if she had been a SAHM and would have no income to support herself and the DC, now that the DH has run off with another woman?

Why the heck are you cooking so late? That sounds miserable. And cooking together seems so unnecessary. Just bung something in the oven, have cereal, sandwiches, a takeaway, or our favourite quick thing is tortellini - literally 5 minute dinner. Long term you need to be batch cooking.