Page 9 | Does this mean my husband values his parents more than me?

julianafr · 2023-09-13T06:56:10+00:00

Both in our early 30s. I've had a few issues with my MIL (just in terms of her overstepping and not respecting boundaries, and in these cases DH always took her side) so that might be tainting my judgement and I need someone neutral to tell me if I'm being unreasonable or if it's a weird thing for DH to say. Yesterday we received the news that our friend's parents died completely unexpectedly, in a car accident. The first thing DH said is 'it made me so sad as I thought of my own parents straight away, imagine losing them so unexpectedly, together. I can't think of anything worse'. I mean, yeah, losing your wife and mother of your young child in a car accident would be better if anything, right? Definitely nothing worse.

Throwncrumbs · 13/09/2023 12:34

Bottlerecycle · 13/09/2023 12:20

But I’ll take a punt that you are experiencing some tension with your DIL @Throwncrumbs

No I don’t, but I have a MIL that was hard work, I’ve never fallen out with her or slagged her off because she’s my husbands mother!

TTCnewbies · 13/09/2023 12:40

My partner has a wonderful relationship with his parents. It's one of the things that helped me fall for him. The fact we both have strong family values.

One day your own children will be grown up, remember that.

Bottlerecycle · 13/09/2023 12:41

Throwncrumbs · 13/09/2023 12:34

No I don’t, but I have a MIL that was hard work, I’ve never fallen out with her or slagged her off because she’s my husbands mother!

Show quote history

You have read the thread and concluded that this is a MIL bashing thread?

whynotwhatknot · 13/09/2023 12:44

whatever problems with you mil is a separate subject

this is just a turn of phrase-someone said to me they love camping i said i couldnt think of anything worse

well of course i could i just mean i personally hate camping

Bottlerecycle · 13/09/2023 12:45

@Throwncrumbs given you posted

One comment is all it takes( DIL said something, I said it was not nice) and you end up being the bad guy, my son now barely speaks to me, unless like last week they wanted a babysitter. I was really upset but at first, but as time has gone on I really can’t be bothered anymore. My two other children are appalled at how I’ve been treated and don’t really speak to their brother. The son I had is like a different person😢

it sure as heck sounds like there’s some tension with your DIL!!

OnAFrolicOfMyOwn · 13/09/2023 12:45

imagine losing them so unexpectedly, together. I can't think of anything worse'

It's a figure of speech. People often use it non-literally, where in reality there'd be hundreds of thing far worse. E.g. 'A week in a caravan in the rain - I can't think of anything worse'

wasahoarder · 13/09/2023 12:55

How did you manage to make this tragedy about you?

How is he in other aspects? As for you to make the leap to this makes me think there must be more to it

Annasoror · 13/09/2023 13:05

You are being ridiculous and callous.

SleepingStandingUp · 13/09/2023 13:47

julianafr · 13/09/2023 09:19

English isn't my first language and I've lived here for just over a year (but learnt English for longer) so would appreciate a bit less hate as I don't know all the turns of phrase as much as a native would!

But do you honestly think so little of him that you believe he'd rather his child and his wife died instead of his mother? Otherwise you'd be saying hang on, can someone explain this, it doesn't make sense.

Original poster

julianafr · 13/09/2023 13:52

Didn't realise MN-ers are so keen to dig into each other 😅
I asked because what he said seems unreasonable. Instead of telling me how terrible I am for... asking a question on a forum meant for asking questions... you could either kindly explain either stance or just go about your business without saying anything.

"If you have nothing nice to say, say nothing"

OP posts:

Insommmmnia · 13/09/2023 14:12

"If you have nothing nice to say, say nothing"

You might want to apply that logic to how you thought/spoke about your husband

ToddlerIs2 · 13/09/2023 14:17

Leave him OP. He clearly doesn't love you. Find a man who will love no one and nothing but you and on all things will only ever think of you.

Lollyloup91 · 13/09/2023 15:38

julianafr · 13/09/2023 13:52

Didn't realise MN-ers are so keen to dig into each other 😅
I asked because what he said seems unreasonable. Instead of telling me how terrible I am for... asking a question on a forum meant for asking questions... you could either kindly explain either stance or just go about your business without saying anything.

"If you have nothing nice to say, say nothing"

Well said OP. Some of the t**ts on here would tell you the opposite if you said the sky was blue!

HollaWithDaRisinSound · 13/09/2023 15:58

ToddlerIs2 · 13/09/2023 14:17

Leave him OP. He clearly doesn't love you. Find a man who will love no one and nothing but you and on all things will only ever think of you.

I am fucking howling hahahaaaaaaaaaa

HollaWithDaRisinSound · 13/09/2023 16:01

julianafr · 13/09/2023 13:52

Didn't realise MN-ers are so keen to dig into each other 😅
I asked because what he said seems unreasonable. Instead of telling me how terrible I am for... asking a question on a forum meant for asking questions... you could either kindly explain either stance or just go about your business without saying anything.

"If you have nothing nice to say, say nothing"

I know what you mean.
Sometimes it is hard to respond without it coming across as a dig

I mean I disagree with you, and you do seem to come across as quite young, in terms of insecure and needy

And trust me, I am not trying to have a dig - although I see how things can come across in type

FirstYouGetTheMoney · 13/09/2023 16:08

julianafr · 13/09/2023 13:52

Didn't realise MN-ers are so keen to dig into each other 😅
I asked because what he said seems unreasonable. Instead of telling me how terrible I am for... asking a question on a forum meant for asking questions... you could either kindly explain either stance or just go about your business without saying anything.

"If you have nothing nice to say, say nothing"

Quite a few people have done just this, kindly explained how unreasonable you are being. To try make this awful event all about you isn’t nice, and you still don’t seem to realize how unpleasant you are being.

Bottlerecycle · 13/09/2023 16:08

julianafr · 13/09/2023 13:52

Didn't realise MN-ers are so keen to dig into each other 😅
I asked because what he said seems unreasonable. Instead of telling me how terrible I am for... asking a question on a forum meant for asking questions... you could either kindly explain either stance or just go about your business without saying anything.

"If you have nothing nice to say, say nothing"

Sometimes an OP comes across as so repulsive that’s it difficult to Be Kind 🤢

ChristmasCrumpet · 13/09/2023 21:56

Yeah, your English is fine.

Like a PP said, it's your attitude of "me me me" that's the problem.

And if 200 people with no motive, tell you this, they must all be wrong, of course. You just want to pretend anyone telling you how poor your behaviour is, is mean, or having a dig.

When 200 people tell you, you are incredibly self absorbed and very unreasonable, maybe, just maybe you should reflect on that. I mean, you don't seem to be able to, but you should...

Mari9999 · 13/09/2023 22:53

@julianafr Disagreeing and being appalled is not the same as saying something that is not nice. Under the circumstances, it would have been more appropriate for you to have said something nice to your husband in response to his distress.

N27 · 14/09/2023 06:56

How can we say nothing when you’ve literally come on here asking for opinions??

Ladybug14 · 14/09/2023 07:13

julianafr · 13/09/2023 13:52

Didn't realise MN-ers are so keen to dig into each other 😅
I asked because what he said seems unreasonable. Instead of telling me how terrible I am for... asking a question on a forum meant for asking questions... you could either kindly explain either stance or just go about your business without saying anything.

"If you have nothing nice to say, say nothing"

But your first reaction, when you had nothing nice to say, was to allow your jealousy of your parents in law to show

Does your husband prefer his parents to you?

He might do, yes. If he always sides with his parents, then he might be a man who is always going to be a mummy and daddy's boy

There's not a lot you can do about that, if it's the case. You can talk to him about it, but he might not change

However, the death of parents in a car crash is not the time to start a discussion with him about his feelings for his parents

Let this one go

Keep an eye on the situation, and should he side with his parents, speak to him about it

My guess is, he won't change

Roselilly36 · 14/09/2023 07:14

YABVVVU OP.

EquinoxVOx · 14/09/2023 07:15

The context was parents so it was parents he was thinking about in that moment.

Namechangeforreasons · 14/09/2023 12:35

julianafr · 13/09/2023 13:52

Didn't realise MN-ers are so keen to dig into each other 😅
I asked because what he said seems unreasonable. Instead of telling me how terrible I am for... asking a question on a forum meant for asking questions... you could either kindly explain either stance or just go about your business without saying anything.

"If you have nothing nice to say, say nothing"

I wrote an extremely detailed response outlining why I found your position so repellant and why you’re selfish and self absorbed.

I can only suppose that you didn’t read it because I did explain my reasoning in detail!

I noted that you said English was your second language. Please look up the definition of irony in the dictionary and then reflect on lecturing other people to be kind and nice!

Otherwise, my thoughts on this subject haven’t changed…

PaulaZackMayo · 14/09/2023 12:42

julianafr · 13/09/2023 13:52

Didn't realise MN-ers are so keen to dig into each other 😅
I asked because what he said seems unreasonable. Instead of telling me how terrible I am for... asking a question on a forum meant for asking questions... you could either kindly explain either stance or just go about your business without saying anything.

"If you have nothing nice to say, say nothing"

My first reply wasn't horrible.

I think the fact that you have issues with your MIL has definitely tainted your judgement.

I don't know if you have any bad mental health or if your relationship with your DH is not great because I can't see how you got what you did from the comment.

You asked and people answered because they were also were confused.