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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Does this mean my husband values his parents more than me?

225 replies

julianafr · 13/09/2023 07:56

Both in our early 30s. I've had a few issues with my MIL (just in terms of her overstepping and not respecting boundaries, and in these cases DH always took her side) so that might be tainting my judgement and I need someone neutral to tell me if I'm being unreasonable or if it's a weird thing for DH to say.

Yesterday we received the news that our friend's parents died completely unexpectedly, in a car accident. The first thing DH said is 'it made me so sad as I thought of my own parents straight away, imagine losing them so unexpectedly, together. I can't think of anything worse'. I mean, yeah, losing your wife and mother of your young child in a car accident would be better if anything, right? Definitely nothing worse.

OP posts:
BatsHaveButtcheeks · 13/09/2023 08:06

You are the problem.

titchy · 13/09/2023 08:07

You're overthinking. I say 'I can't think of anything worse' about loads of things. Clearly they can't all be the worse thing.

And yeah, save your upset for your friends.

Evaka · 13/09/2023 08:07

I'm sorry to hear about this terrible loss for your friends. OP, your response is worrying. A healthy person can love all the people that matter to them, it's not a loss to you if he adores his parents. If you resent his parents, you will only drive them closer together and risk your own relationship.

FloweryName · 13/09/2023 08:08

You are being silly, and very needy.

Your husband expressed shock and sadness as his first reaction about someone losing both parents suddenly and unexpectedly and your reaction to that is to make it all about you?

PauliesWalnuts · 13/09/2023 08:08

It's not a competition. I don't love my partner more than members of my family - I love them all the same, just in different ways.

houseofstark · 13/09/2023 08:08

I think if he genuinely meant it, it would be very hurtful.

But people say they can't think of anything worse over quite minor things really. They're just expressing g how bad something is in a not very accurate way.

Only you know OP if he's likely to mean it. Or it was just bad phrasing.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 13/09/2023 08:09

Well it would be natural to think of your parents given this news, and no it isn't a weird thing to say under the circumstances. Ok losing your partner or child might well actually be worse but most people only think about death when faced with it, they don't go around imagining partners and children dieing

NewbieSM · 13/09/2023 08:10

Why are you making him a villain? This situation isn't about you. He made an appropriate comment in response to a tragic accident that your friends have experienced and you're making it about you? Insecure much? Jesus.

GolgafrinchamB · 13/09/2023 08:12

Your response is horrible. A friend lost their parents in a tragic accident and you’re making it about your place in an imaginary hierarchy?

In classic MN-speak, give your head a wobble.

Justcallmebebes · 13/09/2023 08:12

I like how you've taken an absolute tragedy involving others and made it all about you and your feelings. Nice

Womencanlift · 13/09/2023 08:12

FFS people look for anything to bash MILs with on MN don’t they

No OP he isn’t saying he loves his parents more than you. He is making a comment based on the situation that happened

WandaWonder · 13/09/2023 08:13

So friends parents dies and now this is about you? he said nothing wrong but I think you have some issues to work through

Bottlerecycle · 13/09/2023 08:14

Someone concerned about this the day after a friends parents killed in a car crash

is going to be a very very unpleasant person in RL

Tweedledeee · 13/09/2023 08:15

How is MIL overstepping the mark?

ArmWrestlingWithChasNDave · 13/09/2023 08:17

You need help.

Pottedpalm · 13/09/2023 08:17

I think you need to grow up.

SurelyBassey · 13/09/2023 08:17

Your friends parents died under horrific circumstances
You husband was sympathising how awful that must be but I suspect you know that and just want the attention
Grow up

Bottlerecycle · 13/09/2023 08:17

ArmWrestlingWithChasNDave · 13/09/2023 08:17

You need help.

Her husband and child more like

MarathonBarbie · 13/09/2023 08:17

Your reaction is odd. It’s something people say in that sort of situation, he hasn’t sat there and ranked you and your child in relation to his parents - you’ve made that strange leap all by yourself.
Please don’t make your friend’s tragedy into your own personal drama.

N27 · 13/09/2023 08:19

You are being absolutely ridiculous

Embarrassednamechangeadoddle · 13/09/2023 08:19

It’s a turn of phrase. People say “I can’t think of anything worse” all the time. They don’t mean it literally.

He didn’t say loosing you or children wouldn’t be as bad. You added that….or at least that’s how I read the op.

i guess he was focused on how hard it would be to loose parents in those circumstances because your friend lost her parents.

you may have other issues but this sounds like you going OTT

BitOutOfPractice · 13/09/2023 08:21

Yes op yabu. Not everything is about you! And thats Ok! it’s not a competition. Stop putting words in his mouth.

id be interested to know what the mil has done.

AllAboardTootToot · 13/09/2023 08:22

You are looking for an issue that doesn’t even exist! Completely unfair to him and cruel to even take that train of thought.

LilyJessie · 13/09/2023 08:23

Hi OP,
Of course it doesn't.
But maybe, at a less emotional time, speak to him about how you feel.
Sounds like you've buried it a lot.
X

Willmafrockfit · 13/09/2023 08:23

blimey op

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