Does this mean my husband values his parents more than me?

[julianafr]

Both in our early 30s. I've had a few issues with my MIL (just in terms of her overstepping and not respecting boundaries, and in these cases DH always took her side) so that might be tainting my judgement and I need someone neutral to tell me if I'm being unreasonable or if it's a weird thing for DH to say.

Yesterday we received the news that our friend's parents died completely unexpectedly, in a car accident. The first thing DH said is 'it made me so sad as I thought of my own parents straight away, imagine losing them so unexpectedly, together. I can't think of anything worse'. I mean, yeah, losing your wife and mother of your young child in a car accident would be better if anything, right? Definitely nothing worse.

Yabvu. He compared how he would feel in those exact same circumstances. Can’t think of anything worse is a standard comment. He thought about that situation because it happened to a friend.

Discusting. Why didn’t you correct him OP?

I suspect it was 'I can't think of any worse way to lose your parents' and zero reflection on how he feels about you.

You are overthinking / picking an argument.

OP , you're completely missing his point . He mentioned his parents as it was a friend's parents who died .

The focus was on his parents because his friend just lost his parents. That's why he made that comment.

To turn it into a whose death would be worse comparison is completely inappropriate and a bit bizarre, in the circumstances.

Yabvu. Nowhere in your post does your DH allude to it being worse than losing a spouse and child.
He was reacting to the news of a tragic accident.
Do you closely police everything your DP says and analyse it minutely?
Give your head a wobble!!

Ohhh, sorry.

Yeah, you're being a fucking idiot OP.

It's a turn of phrase.

If he added in that last line then yanbu but if you just added that to what he said then yabvu. The friends parents just died, it automatically made him think of us own. It’s also not a competition

I geniunely cannot tell what's a real post on mn anymore. Thye all seem so ridiculous, they appear to be written just to whip people up.

Is it just me?

I think you're taking this out of context, it must've been a shock to hear that your friends parent died unexpectedly and sometimes we say things on the spur of the moment without thinking it through first.
He was just expressing how terrible this would be. I'm sure he didn't mean anything else by it, it's what's popped up in your mind that has changed the context about this, I believe you're over thinking this

Do you usually try and make everything about you?

Utter batshittery!

OP I’m a sensitive person and so I can sort of understand why you might take it that way but I very much doubt that’s how it was intended. It may have been a blanket statement of “I can’t think of anything worse” than losing two first-degree relatives in a car crash, or as a pp said, “in the context of losing parents” he can’t imagine anything worse, or he may simply not have meant it literally. I really wouldn’t read into it the way you have been doing, he’s just thinking about your poor friend’s situation here.

Yes, context is everything here. His comment, using a figure of speech, is not to be taken literally. He’s simply identifying with your friend and the horrendous shock and double bereavement they’re experiencing.

This really isn’t anything to do with how he feels about you or how he feels about his own mother. Maybe direct some of your emotion into sympathy for your friend and leave your relationship with MIL for another time.

This ^

You are a self important idiot. And if you can make the tragic death of someone else's parents about you, I don't think I could stand you.

YABVVVU

You are the awful one here, to be thinking like this.

It's a thing people say I'm shock when something awful happens.

For any scenario, there's always something worse. Losing your wife and child would obviously hurt more than your parents but in that moment of shock, he's emphasising whilst you're stamping your foot and demanding "what about me???"

He was expressing empathy for their situation. Had the friend lost their partner I'm sure he'd have said much the same. Get over yourself, not everything is about you.

Wow!
What a great way to turn someone else’s loss to all about you.

I’m assuming you have a tendency to turn things around so it’s all about you.

Poor guy can’t even give someone else sympathy for a tragic incident without you trying to start an argument and play the victim.
Narcissism at it’s finest.

He didn't say anything about losing his wife and child. Read the op carefully. He said nothing of the kind.

What’s disgusting?

Yes, I have already responded to that. Perhaps read the thread carefully.

YABU. Like others said it’s a turn of phase. Losing both parents would be horrendous and knowing that has happened to someone else is bound to make you think how awful it would be if it was your parents.

is there a back story to this as this seems a really strange thing to focus on. My first reaction if this had happened to someone close to me would be to support them.

He values you all!
he was just relating to what happened to your friends because they lost their parents.