To ask the last sentence you said aloud ?

[MrsMigginscoffee]

Just for fun as I've had to laugh at myself and remind myself I'm hormonal and it will pass. I just shouted ".oh fuck off Alexa you annoying bitch" as she ignored my request to stop a timer. AGAIN.
Anyone else slowly losing the plot?

"he's still humping in there"

To DP about our 2yo, who likes to hump himself to sleep.

Where was it?

Up to bed. NOW.

“That’ll be comfy for her”
Referring to a mattress topper we intend to get for my mum

"Normal people let people know if they are going out"

To DH who just left the house to walk the dog without saying anything so no one knew where he was.

Go to BED!

Do you have enough room?

To my dog!?!

God he was so talented wasn't he.

Watching Elvis play an acoustic set on a YouTube video.

I literally said 'I am losing the plot here, GO TO FLIPPING BED' to dd as I sit here on the stairs (screaming internally) waiting for her to go to fucking sleep so I can get on with my sad evening of washing and trying to have a bloody bath in peace 😫😫😫

She looks like she’s got a mono-boob

Oh get up!

Watching the football.

"You're the most beautiful boy" to my cat

Why does ice cream always make me cough? After eating a bowlful of M&S rhubarb ice cream

Do NOT bite that fucking chair.

Directed towards the parrot.

Please don't stab me

“I have just taken the laundry off the line, it’s not quite bone dry but it’ll be fine”

"There doesn't appear to be any cat piss here". While examining the carpet for the source of a suspicious smell 🤢

Wow, that a boring dinner! Said to the vegan chicken salad wrap I’d just made.

"He didn't think he was called Garfield because he was fat, but because he was ginger".
A description of our ginger cat who is not called Garfield but is a little tubby after the holidays!

"Maybe he's asleep"

Get the Heinz one, thanks.

“Nu-night, love you,” to DD1 just now as I tucked her in bed.

'did you put the chickens to bed?'

'I've ironed your pjs'
said to DH. so exciting my life is! 🤔

(Adds M&S rhubarb ice cream to shopping list)

"Please... just do your homework"