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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be scared of my nearly 6 year old?

216 replies

itsreallymylife · 12/09/2023 16:10

Dd is nearly 6 and her behaviour seems to get worse every day, she has angry outbursts multiple times a day and hits and screams.
She's recently discovered the F word and repeats it and screams it at everyone, no amount of discipline seems to work in fact the more I try the more she fights.
She's not an only child I but she is the youngest and the others are not like this.
She deliberately urinated on the kitchen rug last night because she wanted to play a board game one time after I'd said that's the last game.

She literally won't let anything go she had just smashed the twister board over my head and hit her sister until I peeled her off because I said she wont play if she keeps swearing now she is screaming at the top of her voice and swearing repeatedly.
She's just hit her sister again and is now kicking the lounge door.
This is every day as soon as I get her from school, she won't go to bed or do anything I ask and I have no way of controlling her.
Dh tries but she is exactly the same with him.
She can scream relentlessly for ages and ages and won't be soothed or she'll lash out.
How am I meant to manage her?

OP posts:
maybein2022 · 12/09/2023 16:13

OP this is not typical six year old behaviour. How is she at school, do they have any concerns?

It sounds very tough. Have there been any changes in her life recently, did this behaviour start suddenly? What is she like academically? What’s her diet and sleep like?

Pollyputhekettleon · 12/09/2023 16:14

You need to get help for her, serious help. Have you started with the GP? Or asked the school for help if she behaves similarly there?

Original poster
itsreallymylife · 12/09/2023 16:15

She had a glowing school report and is very good at school, although she gets very anxious about going in, clings to me and doesn't want me to leave but the teacher says she's fine once I've gone and she's in.

OP posts:
nomoreacorns · 12/09/2023 16:17

She sounds massively troubled and unhappy. You need to find out what is behind that. I think you need professional help to do this.

Original poster
itsreallymylife · 12/09/2023 16:18

No life changes, she's just gone into year 1 which is of course a big deal for her but she has slowly got worse as she's got older.
She's always been very strong willed but she's worse since back at school.

OP posts:
MariePaperRoses · 12/09/2023 16:18

That level of aggression and angst is not typical behaviour.

You say she is the youngest, does she get upset and frustrated at not being able to do or be allowed to do what the older children can and do?

Pollyputhekettleon · 12/09/2023 16:19

How long has she been like this?

Original poster
itsreallymylife · 12/09/2023 16:23

She's always been strong willed and defiant but it's rapidly becoming worse and worse.

OP posts:
Original poster
itsreallymylife · 12/09/2023 16:25

She doesn't like being the youngest but my other 2 are 7 and 9 so there's not a huge age difference that they are doing different things.
I hoped she would settle down when she started school but it's had the opposite effect.

OP posts:
Princessconsuelabananahammock9 · 12/09/2023 16:26

She has special needs and requires help.

She is not strong willed and defiant, she is mentally and emotionally unwell and suffering.

She needs a doctor.

IncompleteSenten · 12/09/2023 16:28

You need to ask for an assessment. She may well have additional needs.

Echobelly · 12/09/2023 16:28

I think there must be some kind of additional need or issue here. Kids can sometimes be fine is school but 'let it all out', sometimes severely, in the emotionally safe setting of home; that sounds like what is happening here and it needs investigating.

IHeartKingThistle · 12/09/2023 16:29

She will probably be masking at school which will exacerbate the issues at home. She needs to be assessed. I hope you get some support soon.

Echobelly · 12/09/2023 16:29

I'm sorry that this is such a tough situation for all of you, but there will be help out there.

AndIKnewYouMeantIt · 12/09/2023 16:31

This is not neurotypical 6 year old behaviour. The good behaviour at school means she explodes like a shaken bottle at home. She needs as assessment.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 12/09/2023 16:31

Sounds like anxiety response and ND.

Pollyputhekettleon · 12/09/2023 16:33

Have you brought her to anyone? GP? Child psychologist? She needs to be assessed.

TheOutlaws · 12/09/2023 16:35

Excellent behaviour in school/extremely bad behaviour at home suggests autism, OP. Girls mask in school, then break down at home. They also find it hard to cope with transitions between home and school.

The fact that you’ve parented other children who aren’t like this suggests that she has additional needs and urgently requires professional help and assessment.

ItsMyGuacamole · 12/09/2023 16:37

Could she be autistic? Maybe I'm biased as I work in a special school, but the 'deliberately urinating' thing is something I see a LOT at my job.

I do agree with previous posters that you probably need to get her assessed for additional needs. If she hasn't been through any major trauma in her life, then being neurotypical may be the cause.

OhcantthInkofaname · 12/09/2023 16:37

I wouldn't live with that.

fruitsalad87 · 12/09/2023 16:37

This sounds exactly like my 6 year old we are currently awaiting assesment for ADHD but has been hard as she masks A LOT in school.

Original poster
itsreallymylife · 12/09/2023 16:38

Her outbursts last about 15 minutes and then it's as if a switch goes and she's back to normal, just like she can be a sweet loving girl one second and then a switch goes and an outburst happens almost over anything.
She has several outbursts over the course of the evening. If I try and talk about it with her when she's calm she just shuts down.

OP posts:
Eve223 · 12/09/2023 16:38

This reply has been deleted

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SkinnyMalinkyLankyLegs · 12/09/2023 16:40

I'd take her to the GP, if nothing else, your other children don't deserve to be living on high alert of getting assaulted in their own homes. I lived like that as a child and it's had a profound affect on me as an adult.

monsteramunch · 12/09/2023 16:44

@Eve223

I don't know what possessed you to suggest that, about a six year old girl who is clearly in need of additional support, but I've reported your post and hopefully it will be removed soon.

OP you sound like a lovely mum doing her best - you absolutely need and deserve some professional support to manage your daughter's behaviour.