To be scared of my nearly 6 year old?

[itsreallymylife]

Dd is nearly 6 and her behaviour seems to get worse every day, she has angry outbursts multiple times a day and hits and screams.
She's recently discovered the F word and repeats it and screams it at everyone, no amount of discipline seems to work in fact the more I try the more she fights.
She's not an only child I but she is the youngest and the others are not like this.
She deliberately urinated on the kitchen rug last night because she wanted to play a board game one time after I'd said that's the last game.

She literally won't let anything go she had just smashed the twister board over my head and hit her sister until I peeled her off because I said she wont play if she keeps swearing now she is screaming at the top of her voice and swearing repeatedly.
She's just hit her sister again and is now kicking the lounge door.
This is every day as soon as I get her from school, she won't go to bed or do anything I ask and I have no way of controlling her.
Dh tries but she is exactly the same with him.
She can scream relentlessly for ages and ages and won't be soothed or she'll lash out.
How am I meant to manage her?

Please look in to PDA. The majority of us (pda'ers) believe that ODD is just PDA with unmet needs

I've known people who prefer to say they 'have autism' rather than that they're 'autistic'. It should be up to the person to describe themselves. I don't think it's one size fits all in terms of language.

Just a bit of reassurance that my DD had a similar spell in Yr 2-3. Hitting people and Ona couple of occasions threatening me and DH with knives and scissors. She was fine at school, they did offer support but she hated it and it only lasted a couple of months (the support). She is now 14 and whilst she can still be very stubborn the excess anger and violence has totally gone. It may be worth talking to school, not sure if the support ours have helped but she has grown out of it and is no loving, kind and thoughtful

Yet the majority of the autistic community (based on polls) prefer identity first language. That should be the default. Obviously if someone then states they prefer person 1st you should use that for them.

Part of the autistic community have been polled. The articulate part. I don't think the families of those who have difficulty expressing themselves have been asked? (And I think it's up to them to speak for their loved ones, not the autistic community.)
I don't know how widespread and representative the polls are even for the others. My autistic family members have never been asked (and have said they don't really consider it important anyway if they were).
Sorry for going on about this. It just keeps cropping up on mn. People correcting others language even when they don't know the first thing about them or their language preferences. It's hardly the first thing a person announces when making a quick point on social media. Different if it's somebody you know irl of course

Oh man there is so much wrong with what you've said but ok sure. Do you really think that autistic people who don't communicate in the typical way (maybe non speakers?) can't verbalise what they prefer, in other ways??

Do you realise how many autistic advocates there are who are non speakers. Autistic people who are fed up of choices being taken away from them?

That's why functioning labels are hugely problematic too. If we are seen as high functioning we apparently don't need support. If we are classed as low functioning we have our autonomy taken away.

Many of those who don't have an issue with person first language are either not autistic themselves or have been brought up surrounded by those who use it so its become the norm for them.

She is not strong willed and defiant, she is mentally and emotionally unwell and suffering.

She needs a doctor.

This

@Lacie23
Do you really think that autistic people who don't communicate in the typical way (maybe non speakers?) can't verbalise what they prefer, in other ways??Do you realise how many autistic advocates there are who are non speakers.
Just to note I was not referring to people who can't speak but can communicate in other ways on the topic in question and others.
I was referring to autistic people who can't or don't express an opinion on this topic in any way and who rely on their families to advocate for them.

That's why functioning labels are hugely problematic too. If we are seen as high functioning we apparently don't need support. If we are classed as low functioning we have our autonomy taken away.
I hadn't mentioned these but I agree. I also have difficulties with functioning labels and don't like using them ( which probably caused the confusion about my previous point actually ).

Many of those who don't have an issue with person first language are either not autistic themselves or have been brought up surrounded by those who use it so its become the norm for them.
Bit of a stretch to claim that any autistic people who don't agree with your viewpoint aren't actually thinking for themselves. Quite ironic really.

Update:
I spoke to her school who told me she's absolutely fine in school and very well behaved for them.
While they agree she probably bottles things up and explodes when she gets home they're not concerned.
Dd on the other hand has told me she doesn't want to go to school, then screamed she doesn't want to go to school and then hit me while crying I don't want to go to school, when I collected her she lashed out again shouting I told you I didn't want to go and you made me go anyway, why don't you listen? I do listen I hear her message loud and clear but still I have to take her to school.
In the car today she scratched her cheeks in anger and made them bleed.
I have been recording all behaviour to take with me to the GP although I suspect I won't have the school to back me up as they seem confident she's fine.
Thank you for all your advice I have learnt a lot from reading all your experiences.

Do listen to her about hating school. Don't force her to go; it will just make things far worse. If she starts refusing school then the school will have to support a CAMHS Assessment. You don't need the school to request one online either. Get her the support she needs or the school she needs and trust your instincts.

I can relate to pretty much all of this (apart from the urination) in our 6 year old daughter. To add further context our daughter is very smart, creative and sociable with a great sense of humour, fesity, strong willed (I say this to help the reader understand her personality) but when she blows...well, it's a sight to behold. The 'f' word, screaming, kicking, door slamming and we feel it's having an adverse impact on our 9 year old. She's always hated the noise of hand dryers in public toilets and the material and/or feeling of clothes on her can be tricky. I wouldn't say we're scared but we're certainly baffled. We've resolved now to tentatively take steps to record and try understand the pattern and also looking at sleep and diet (as we're also mindful that it could be linked to blood sugar dips, which also affects her brother). Everything is on the table but it's important that we don't self diagnose (ie autism, ADHD etc). Yes, she has certain traits but the behaviour could be triggered by things outside of neurodiversity (as alluded) although we will absolutely get her assessed if the pattern continues.

I actually said "Many of those" not 'any'

You don't get to have an opinion on the autistic experience, as a non autistic person.

My daughter is 7. She is exactly like this OP. We have gone private and they have advised after the first assessment it test for ASD which does have some overlaps with ODD. I went to my GP the wait time is 3.5 years for an assessment. I need help now. I wish you all the luck in the world in your journey. It’s tough going and we struggle every day but with the right help and guidance we are now on the path to receiving I’m hopeful things will improve.

This is not typical behaviour. She needs help. Has school had similar issues or is she masking there and exploding at home? Speak to your doctor she sounds very unhappy and is posing a risk to your family

Check out the website and Facebook called 'not fine in school'