To be scared of my nearly 6 year old?

[itsreallymylife]

Dd is nearly 6 and her behaviour seems to get worse every day, she has angry outbursts multiple times a day and hits and screams.
She's recently discovered the F word and repeats it and screams it at everyone, no amount of discipline seems to work in fact the more I try the more she fights.
She's not an only child I but she is the youngest and the others are not like this.
She deliberately urinated on the kitchen rug last night because she wanted to play a board game one time after I'd said that's the last game.

She literally won't let anything go she had just smashed the twister board over my head and hit her sister until I peeled her off because I said she wont play if she keeps swearing now she is screaming at the top of her voice and swearing repeatedly.
She's just hit her sister again and is now kicking the lounge door.
This is every day as soon as I get her from school, she won't go to bed or do anything I ask and I have no way of controlling her.
Dh tries but she is exactly the same with him.
She can scream relentlessly for ages and ages and won't be soothed or she'll lash out.
How am I meant to manage her?

OP, my son is like this. Also year 1 but just turned 5. I am emailing the school constantly at the moment with a view to getting him assessed. It’s miserable for me and his siblings always walking on eggshells around him waiting for him to explode. He is very violent and aggressive, also swears and urinates in defiance. Just wanted to let you know you’re not alone.

interested in those saying they ‘wouldn’t live with that’. What am I supposed to do, kick him out 🙄

OP contact the school and ask for a meeting with the SENCO to discuss your behavioural concerns at home and also book an appointment with your GP ASAP. Both of these can help you get the ball rolling with referrals and assessments.

Tape her one evening or nobody will believe you. Show the tape to the SENCO in her school. Submit detailed written description of her behaviour over the course of a week. Demand an assessment for SEN.

DS was diagnosed ASD this year. There had been no complaints about his behaviour in school, but he had awful meltdowns at home - and like you say, at the end of it it's like it's been switched off and straight back to normal, something I always found hard to deal with.

We contacted the school and discussed what was happening with them, they put the referral in to the ND pathway for assessment.

What, pissing on a rug? Bit weird.

Clearly not that, no.

It's not unusual for children with Sen to hold in the anxiety then let it out where they feel safe in this way push for a diagnosis unfortunately evidence helps.

My nearly 5 year old can be like this and she is autistic. I’d ask the GP for an assessment.

OP, this sounds horrific for you and I'm sure it's having an impact on your other children too. It must be really distressing for the whole family.

I can only echo what other posters have said - this is definitely not standard 6-year-old behaviour and I definitely think she needs some specialist help to find out exactly what's going on, whether that means an assessment for neurodiversity, or child mental health issues, or something else.

You don't mention her dad in your post - is he around? If so, is she like this with him too, or better, or worse? Is there any kind of pattern to her worst outbursts, eg do they happen when she's had to do certain things or see certain people? It's interesting that she gets anxious about school (even if she's fine once she's there). Does she have friends and/or play with other children? How does she behave outside of the house (eg on an afternoon out or when visiting family elsewhere)?

The anxiety going into school then emotional meltdowns after, with seeming 'perfect' behaviour in school are classic for autism or adhd in girls. Please make a detailed diary and go to the school SENCO and your GP.

My DS physically hurt me during lockdown, aged 5. He just couldn't cope emotionally.

Sounds horrific. Where on earth has she learnt such behaviour?

Agree.

This sounds terrible for all of you op

I’d look into whether she is ND as a priority

@ManateeFair her dad lives here too, she's the same with all the family.
She doesn't seem to be interested in making friends though, we have a couple of friends that have children and when we meet up all the children will play but she insists on always going first or everyone doing what she wants and either her friends back down or she'll have an outburst and try to spoil the game so rarely play dates go well.

Thank you for all the advice I will speak to school, and get some professional help.
I know they don't see it but this can't continue.

You need to get help for this - for all of you.

You can contact your GP, school or social services. Social services are not the parenting police - they are there to help and support families who need it.

Support is really important for your daughter and for the whole family.

This sounds like a PDA profile and it’s really not typical 6yr old behaviour so there must be some masking going on , Google it and see if it resonates then speak to SENCO at school x

This sounds really difficult for her and for you. I agree with other posters that she may have additional needs and is becoming overwhelmed, seeking professional support sounds like the way to go.

Why not? Why draw such arbitrary lines? Some autistic children smear faeces on the walls. If someone's 6 year old starts doing that should their parents do it back to them? And maybe she should whack the siblings too, that'll teach her.

This is exactly how I'd describe her.

My friend is having similar issues with her 6 year old. He has an autism diagnosis but she was telling me today that although he's been given the diagnosis, there is actually no support or help. They just offer a support group to chat to other parents. I feel really sorry for her, and I hope you get better support in your area then she is.

My dd used to be like this. I felt like I was banging my head against a wall (though hers was meltdowns. Not behaviour like urinating or swearing)

it turns out all that time she ADHD…..she also have audio processing disorder and PDA.

Maybe she snuck off one day into a special autistic school and observed some of the other kids there, and that gave her the idea. Or maybe OP actually pees on the rug herself when she gets mad enough, and is just neglecting to tell us. These are the only possible explanations.

agree that this sounds like textbook autistic or ADHD dysregulation. She can't help it, she's managed her discomfort all day at school and it comes out like this in her safe place at home.
She needs an assessment and support in place and things will improve. Not easy but you can address it and get her help.

I have a child with ASD/PDA and many children with the same presentation can have similar behaviours. The glowing school report (masking) and meltdowns at home are very familiar...

Take a look at the PDA society https://www.pdasociety.org.uk/. It might be a good idea to try some of the PDA parenting techniques like low-demand and see if she responds. Also start keeping a diary so you have lots of information when it comes to assessment - it may also help you identify the triggers. Can you afford to go privately?