To consider the sex industry so I can spend more time with my DC

ofcourseivenced · 2023-09-11T17:12:28+00:00

I'm currently employed doing shift work, 4 12 hour shifts a week. I always knew I didn't want to be working so much when I had DC so I set out on becoming self employed. Turns out it's significantly more challenging and time consuming than I anticipated, and so I'm still not making any money as of yet. When DC was a baby I felt I had more time to pursue said self employment, during naps, in the evenings, and it was easier to find childcare as DC didn't require much stimulation. Now DC is a full throttle, mummy obsessed toddler who needs outings, constant supervision and sleeps considerably less, I naturally have less time to do work. There's also the huge amounts of guilt I'm carrying by feeling like I'm absent so much, even though I keep trying to tell myself it'll pay off when I no longer have to do shift work and instead can work remotely for short periods of time. I don't actually remember where I got the idea from for making content for niche fetishes, but from curious research it seems like there is money to be made if you're attractive in certain ways and you know how to market your stuff. An old girlfriend of a friend allegedly made a few grand a month, which even 2/3rds of would be enough for me to stay afloat. AIBU to even consider getting involved in this? I would attempt to remain anonymous wherever possible as have no desire to do it other than for "easier" money (by easier I mean doesn't require 48+ hours a week commitment at set times). I just want to be able to spend more time with my DC while they're young.

00100001 · 11/09/2023 18:14

Don't do it.

00100001 · 11/09/2023 18:15

What would you say/think if it was your child considering this in 20 years time?

Would you say "great idea, makes sense!"

Or would you find any other solution?

lilyboleyn · 11/09/2023 18:17

I taught a child a while back whose mother was and is openly a prostitute. She was tortured by the other children, to the extent she left school earlier than everyone else and didn’t go outside at break time. It wasn’t possible for the pastoral team to police her every conversation and much of the nastiness was happening outside of school. I think she doesn’t see her mum now at all, she blames her for a torrid childhood.

Herecomestreble1 · 11/09/2023 18:17

I wouldn't judge you. As far as I'm concerned you do what's best for you and your family.

plumtreebroke · 11/09/2023 18:17

I don't know, but some of these things on is it 'just fans', where you never meet anyone, seem a way to make money without too much risk. On some sites people seem to make money by letting people watching them clean their teeth or eat or equally bizarre things. Not that desperate myself but wouldn't judge.

AuntieEsther · 11/09/2023 18:18

The thing about only fans is that it's really not easy to make money at all. You'd have to be online and chatting with 'fans' whilst with your DC. Could you stomach that? You'd have to make a lot of content and would almost certainly not be popular if you stay anonymous. (Source - documentaries and YouTube videos! I'm nosy, not an only fans girl!)
You wouldn't be making easy money by any means.
If you're newly self employed are you claiming universal credit?

Proudgypsy · 11/09/2023 18:20

You won't make enough money if you want to remain anonymous which I'm assuming means not showing your face or talking etc.

You'll feel constant pressure to do more, show more and do things you don't want to do because someone offers you money.

00100001 · 11/09/2023 18:21

Herecomestreble1 · 11/09/2023 18:17

I wouldn't judge you. As far as I'm concerned you do what's best for you and your family.

You think a mother entering the sex trade is the best thing for OP and her children?

itsmyp4rty · 11/09/2023 18:21

There is such huge competition. You just said how hard being self employed was compared to what you'd imagine. I'd guess it's exactly the same for this sort of thing.

Original poster

ofcourseivenced · 11/09/2023 18:22

00100001 · 11/09/2023 18:15

What would you say/think if it was your child considering this in 20 years time?

Would you say "great idea, makes sense!"

Or would you find any other solution?

I can't tell you how shitty it makes me feel that I haven't achieved what I set out to achieve by the legitimate means I intended. I've worked so incredibly hard and sacrificed my own welfare just to get things off the ground and it's still not been enough time. Believe me it was never my first choice of options and I would hands down rather earn money doing something I'm proud of than something quite depraved. But I also love my DC more than anything and the ability to be there for them in these first few years still trumps my dignity. I'd hope the success from my own self employment would mean my DC would never have any reason to consider something like this. It really is all for them.

OP posts:

CallumDansTransitVan · 11/09/2023 18:24

Asking in the wrong place OP. All pearl clutching and won't somebody please think of the children on here.

Providing you can keep it entirely seperate from your personal life,then go for it.

Not convinced there is as much money as some people claim to be made. You will get the odd one with lots of followers, but then loads with none.
If it is a niche fetish you may stand a chance.

CaroleSinger · 11/09/2023 18:24

Herecomestreble1 · 11/09/2023 18:17

I wouldn't judge you. As far as I'm concerned you do what's best for you and your family.

Just a hunch but being wanked over a couple of times a week by perverted old men is probably not what's best for her and her family.

Original poster

ofcourseivenced · 11/09/2023 18:25

plumtreebroke · 11/09/2023 18:17

I don't know, but some of these things on is it 'just fans', where you never meet anyone, seem a way to make money without too much risk. On some sites people seem to make money by letting people watching them clean their teeth or eat or equally bizarre things. Not that desperate myself but wouldn't judge.

Yes these are the sorts of things I mean. Foot fetishes, eating, wearing costumes, etc. I'm not meaning prostitution and physical stuff that might literally endanger me, "just" (not that it's much of a just) pictures and videos, anonymously if that's entirely possible.

OP posts:

MintTeaIsMyFav · 11/09/2023 18:25

I was a webcam model for 8+ years was the happiest 8 years of my life was earning a ton of money and I had lots of freedom.

CallumDansTransitVan · 11/09/2023 18:26

ofcourseivenced · 11/09/2023 18:22

I can't tell you how shitty it makes me feel that I haven't achieved what I set out to achieve by the legitimate means I intended. I've worked so incredibly hard and sacrificed my own welfare just to get things off the ground and it's still not been enough time. Believe me it was never my first choice of options and I would hands down rather earn money doing something I'm proud of than something quite depraved. But I also love my DC more than anything and the ability to be there for them in these first few years still trumps my dignity. I'd hope the success from my own self employment would mean my DC would never have any reason to consider something like this. It really is all for them.

Show quote history

If you feel it infringes on your dignity it will have an affect on your mental health. With what you say there, I change my answer to don't do it.

Divebar2021 · 11/09/2023 18:27

Well I wouldn’t judge you for considering it. It would slightly depend on what it was you were considering. I believe there’s a market for selling used knickers and stockings - certainly I’ve stumbled across random “ not quite usual” adds for tights for sale on eBay. I doubt that would make you a decent living but I can see it would be appealing. Other stuff involving your sharing your identity is fraught as posting about these subjects on MN illustrates.

CaroleSinger · 11/09/2023 18:27

ofcourseivenced · 11/09/2023 18:22

I can't tell you how shitty it makes me feel that I haven't achieved what I set out to achieve by the legitimate means I intended. I've worked so incredibly hard and sacrificed my own welfare just to get things off the ground and it's still not been enough time. Believe me it was never my first choice of options and I would hands down rather earn money doing something I'm proud of than something quite depraved. But I also love my DC more than anything and the ability to be there for them in these first few years still trumps my dignity. I'd hope the success from my own self employment would mean my DC would never have any reason to consider something like this. It really is all for them.

Show quote history

I think you may be making the mistake of thinking that once you've reached a certain target you'll suddenly stop doing it and your DC will never know a thing about it and won't be ripped to shreds at school as a result.

Merryoldgoat · 11/09/2023 18:28

Why can’t you get a job?

I don’t mean that it a dismissive way or confrontation way - it’s a genuine question. If you’re working shifts of 48 hours per week but making nothing surely even working in a basic job would be preferable?

Thelnebriati · 11/09/2023 18:28

IDK why you think Mumsnet is the best place to ask about this rather than a specialist forum, but you need to do extensive research into how to stay safe and anonymous online. Its not as simple as not showing your face. Your payment method needs to be anonymous and secure, and you probably won't earn anywhere near as much as you'd like.

ThisIsNotThePostYourLookingFor · 11/09/2023 18:28

My only concern would be your safety OP. If it’s something you’re comfortable doing that’s your decision, it’s your life and you’re the one who would either see the benefit or the downfall from it.

Gellhell · 11/09/2023 18:28

You'd be selling your soul. Your kids wouldn't be proud. It's not an honest living is it.

TheFinerThings · 11/09/2023 18:28

than something quite depraved

This really isn’t the right option for you. The resulting damage to your MH and self esteem may be unfixable. That would definitely have an effect on DC. Don’t do it.

Lavender14 · 11/09/2023 18:29

I wouldn't judge you either, but I do think it would be difficult to be a successful earner while staying anonymous. And I can see how it might become a bit of a slippery slope where you might start to consider other bits and pieces for better money etc. I think it's difficult to maintain the level of anonymity you'd need to maintain in order for your kids to never find out about it but as a little side earner it might work alongside your main job provided you weren't relying on the sex work for income, just to supplement your wage. But then you'd be busier so it wouldn't give you the overall benefits you're looking for. Could you look at other careers? Meet with a careers advisor or find a business mentor through a local business hub who can help you with business strategies? Being self employed is hugely intense until things are well established so you need to think long term. When your little one is wee is she really going to notice you not being there or will she notice when she's older and things are hopefully more secure? Or do you look at how you can cut back on your expenses and drop some hours? Do you have a partner and what is their feeling on it? Are they contributing as much as they can?

Butterkist8 · 11/09/2023 18:30

Should you be involved with Social Services in the future, heaven forbid, this will not be taken lightly.

What if your children find out by mistake?

Please don't .

WhateverMate · 11/09/2023 18:32

ofcourseivenced · 11/09/2023 18:25

Yes these are the sorts of things I mean. Foot fetishes, eating, wearing costumes, etc. I'm not meaning prostitution and physical stuff that might literally endanger me, "just" (not that it's much of a just) pictures and videos, anonymously if that's entirely possible.

Show quote history

The sex industry is flooded with this sort of thing.

How much are you realistically expecting to earn from it?