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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To consider the sex industry so I can spend more time with my DC

242 replies

ofcourseivenced · 11/09/2023 18:12

I'm currently employed doing shift work, 4 12 hour shifts a week. I always knew I didn't want to be working so much when I had DC so I set out on becoming self employed. Turns out it's significantly more challenging and time consuming than I anticipated, and so I'm still not making any money as of yet. When DC was a baby I felt I had more time to pursue said self employment, during naps, in the evenings, and it was easier to find childcare as DC didn't require much stimulation. Now DC is a full throttle, mummy obsessed toddler who needs outings, constant supervision and sleeps considerably less, I naturally have less time to do work. There's also the huge amounts of guilt I'm carrying by feeling like I'm absent so much, even though I keep trying to tell myself it'll pay off when I no longer have to do shift work and instead can work remotely for short periods of time.

I don't actually remember where I got the idea from for making content for niche fetishes, but from curious research it seems like there is money to be made if you're attractive in certain ways and you know how to market your stuff. An old girlfriend of a friend allegedly made a few grand a month, which even 2/3rds of would be enough for me to stay afloat.

AIBU to even consider getting involved in this? I would attempt to remain anonymous wherever possible as have no desire to do it other than for "easier" money (by easier I mean doesn't require 48+ hours a week commitment at set times). I just want to be able to spend more time with my DC while they're young.

OP posts:
Clarabe1 · 11/09/2023 21:26

There is a reason most prostitutes are on drugs. You have to be out of your mind literally to stomach it. Imagine if your kids found out. Don’t even think about it

CallumDansTransitVan · 11/09/2023 21:45

Clarabe1 · 11/09/2023 21:26

There is a reason most prostitutes are on drugs. You have to be out of your mind literally to stomach it. Imagine if your kids found out. Don’t even think about it

Again, are you able to prove most are on drugs? You are saying you would need to be on drugs to do it. Not every woman is the same.

Comedycook · 11/09/2023 21:47

Clarabe1 · 11/09/2023 21:26

There is a reason most prostitutes are on drugs. You have to be out of your mind literally to stomach it. Imagine if your kids found out. Don’t even think about it

I always thought it was that a lot of women with a drug addiction turn to prostitution....rather than the prostitutes turning to drugs?

Peach0123 · 11/09/2023 21:48

Yes I totally would have agreed with you a few years ago and commented the same. I don't think your wrong, just different view.

Men have been exploiting women for years, so why can't women don't he same back. I'm not talking sex or nudity, some pay to see feet. If it works, fine if people want more, no chance. Think that's what OPnwas getting at.
No I'm not on the site, I'd be lucky to sell pics of my ear lobe 🤣

CallumDansTransitVan · 11/09/2023 21:51

Comedycook · 11/09/2023 21:47

I always thought it was that a lot of women with a drug addiction turn to prostitution....rather than the prostitutes turning to drugs?

Show quote history

That is far closer to reality. Most people have this idea of women walking down a dark industrial estate street wearing next to nothing while rattling out their tits.
That isn't the reality for most.

Mamai90 · 11/09/2023 22:00

I've been recently been listening to some podcasts with women who have made good money on Only Fans, in all honesty it sounds like a lot of work and they do full on porn on there and have to mix it up and do quite hardcore stuff, most said it has affected them mentally. You won't be able to remain anonymous if you want to make money and there is so much competition.

If you go on James Englishs' podcast Anything Goes there is several with women who do Only Fans and I think it'll give you a clearer picture. It certainly seems a lot more difficult than I'd initially thought.

Nosleepforthismum · 11/09/2023 22:10

No OP. Unfortunately you are falling for the myth that it’s easy money. It’s similar to being an influencer. Most that do it make little to no money and it takes a lot of graft to build up a fan base. I think you are a little naive to think it’ll be less work than being self employed because it’s exactly the same thing, just in a seedier industry.

I’d be devastated if I found out my mum had done something like that to spend more time with me. I’d carry round that guilt for a long time and I really think you should reconsider and keep going with your self employed career. It’s incredibly hard to start with, I found the first three years were tough but the benefits now hugely outweigh all the negatives from back then.

Divebar2021 · 11/09/2023 23:23

There is a reason most prostitutes are on drugs

I don’t even know what your evidence is for stating that. You’re very much talking about street prostitution.

cherry2727 · 11/09/2023 23:53

@beatrix1234 I wish some women stopped telling other women what and whatnot they have to do with their bodies, it’s like patriarchy all over again 😩

This type of behaviour undo all the hard work smart and brave women have fought for , for us women! By feeding the dirty fantasy of those men we are massaging the ego of those men who have little or no respect for women ! There's no way a respectful man will pay for such services - it's always the filthy , sexual abusive , misogynist ones who do! By facilitating this kind of act we are actually helping those men degrade women! Surely you can see that!!!!

I wouldn't do it op! Not for anything ! Yuck!

AbraKedavra · 12/09/2023 00:13

There's no way a respectful man will pay for such services - it's always the filthy , sexual abusive , misogynist ones who do!

That's a bit circular, for it's the very fact that they pay for such services which makes filthy and misogynistic - at least according to you.

OP,

Sex trade pays at a much higher hourly rate than any other unskilled job, and the hours are flexible. The downside of course is the mental strain of feeling cheap and a commodity for men to wnk over. And if engaging in actual prostitution, there's also an increased risk of bodily harm/rape - no matter how well you vet your clients.

It boils down to harder physical work with longer hours for less pay, but you're safe mentally or physically, versus higher pay and better hours, but much riskier and degrading work. Ultimately the choice is yours.

beatrix1234 · 12/09/2023 00:20

cherry2727 · 11/09/2023 23:53

@beatrix1234 I wish some women stopped telling other women what and whatnot they have to do with their bodies, it’s like patriarchy all over again 😩

This type of behaviour undo all the hard work smart and brave women have fought for , for us women! By feeding the dirty fantasy of those men we are massaging the ego of those men who have little or no respect for women ! There's no way a respectful man will pay for such services - it's always the filthy , sexual abusive , misogynist ones who do! By facilitating this kind of act we are actually helping those men degrade women! Surely you can see that!!!!

I wouldn't do it op! Not for anything ! Yuck!

I'm sorry to hear that you find a naked woman degrading, I hope that's not the way you feel when you're trying to seduce a potential sex partner in your private life.

jeaux90 · 12/09/2023 06:54

beatrix1234 · 11/09/2023 21:23

I wish some women stopped telling other women what and whatnot they have to do with their bodies, it’s like patriarchy all over again 😩

No. The patriarchy sold us a lie that it's ok to do whatever we like with our bodies especially when we commodify ourselves to please men.

The only people the sex industry serves is men.

The bigger picture.

JamSandle · 12/09/2023 07:12

I wouldn't judge.

A lot of people I know have started doing it to earn more money and quickly.

But don't make a rash decision.

ilikeeggs · 12/09/2023 07:19

Tbh I think as long as you don’t show your face it can be worth a try. Do lots of research first though.

Strawberrypicnic · 12/09/2023 07:32

I think the girls who are really successful on OnlyFans are those who promote their profiles on other social media platforms using their faces and names and make it about them as individuals.

willWillSmithsmith · 12/09/2023 07:44

SleepQuest33 · 11/09/2023 21:15

@CallumDansTransitVan are you perhaps involved in this market in any way?

My guess is yes! Far too much defending from this poster to be anything but.

00100001 · 12/09/2023 09:08

It's absolutely shameful that women are supporting women in the selling of their bodies to men.

BrawnWild · 12/09/2023 09:19

It's not what you asked but I'd advise binging the self employed work for a few years until the kids are in school. It's not paying anything and ot solves the problem you have identified is a lack of time.

I'm not trying to be a cow here, I get that the self employed thing is something you probably enjoy but you need to understand that that is part of how you are choosing to spend your time and headspace. Give it a few years x

beatrix1234 · 12/09/2023 09:22

jeaux90 · 12/09/2023 06:54

No. The patriarchy sold us a lie that it's ok to do whatever we like with our bodies especially when we commodify ourselves to please men.

The only people the sex industry serves is men.

The bigger picture.

Show quote history

The patriarchy has been controlling women for centuries and now that we slowly (very slowly) start to regain our own sexuality all of a sudden we get women like you telling other women how we need to conduct our own sexuality, what we need to do with our bodies and who and how we should be giving them access, just like the patriarchy. It’s the horse shoe theory: extremes touch. If I decide to objectify myself to men, women or aliens it’s my choice and my bloody right to do so.

Disturbia81 · 12/09/2023 09:25

Others will judge you but even worse you will judge yourself. No-one who does this is happy. Don't lower yourself to serving men.

WhatWhereWho · 12/09/2023 09:27

ofcourseivenced · 11/09/2023 18:12

I'm currently employed doing shift work, 4 12 hour shifts a week. I always knew I didn't want to be working so much when I had DC so I set out on becoming self employed. Turns out it's significantly more challenging and time consuming than I anticipated, and so I'm still not making any money as of yet. When DC was a baby I felt I had more time to pursue said self employment, during naps, in the evenings, and it was easier to find childcare as DC didn't require much stimulation. Now DC is a full throttle, mummy obsessed toddler who needs outings, constant supervision and sleeps considerably less, I naturally have less time to do work. There's also the huge amounts of guilt I'm carrying by feeling like I'm absent so much, even though I keep trying to tell myself it'll pay off when I no longer have to do shift work and instead can work remotely for short periods of time.

I don't actually remember where I got the idea from for making content for niche fetishes, but from curious research it seems like there is money to be made if you're attractive in certain ways and you know how to market your stuff. An old girlfriend of a friend allegedly made a few grand a month, which even 2/3rds of would be enough for me to stay afloat.

AIBU to even consider getting involved in this? I would attempt to remain anonymous wherever possible as have no desire to do it other than for "easier" money (by easier I mean doesn't require 48+ hours a week commitment at set times). I just want to be able to spend more time with my DC while they're young.

How much do you think you would actually earn? I think that you, perhaps have an unrealistic idea of how much you would bring in. It's not a guaranteed income and there are lots of people trying to do it. Why do you think you would you be the one to make it? And if you did how long do you think it would last? Also you must be aware of these things following you in the years to come right?

oioicheeky · 12/09/2023 09:35

Unless you are going to be a prostitute and physically meet men, I just don't think you'll make money.

There is so much porn freely available, for all fetishes, that there's little need for men to part with money for anything cyber.

WaltzingWaters · 12/09/2023 09:39

I’ve done it in the past (sexting and sending pics and videos whilst remaining anonymous). It was good quick money once I had some regular returning customers. But it was time consuming and very frustrating until then as so many try to get things for free or are just time wasting.
A lot of the official platforms will also take a big cut of your earnings. And things like only fans have so much competition that unless you’re on it loads or have a unique niche you won’t make much. It also makes you lose a lot of faith in men! The amount of guys hiding away from their partners to sext me or with bizarre fetishes is just depressing. I don’t do it anymore as I just got fed up of it. But I did make x5 more an hour than I did at my regular job just for sending a few naked (faceless) videos.

TheSoapyFrog · 12/09/2023 09:55

TBH OP I don't think it's the easy solution you think it is. It's an over saturated market as it is. The 'niche fetishes' you described are common kinks, and there's no shortage of women offering this. What would you do that would set you apart from everyone else? What would you do that is so amazing that men will part with their money to see you?

Do you have the time to make a following on various SM platforms? Do you have the money to buy equipment, like lighting etc? Not to mention various costumes, outfits, lingerie, sex toys etc... And maintaining yourself. If you're getting into foot fetish work, your feet need to be immaculate.

Most men turn to OF for the interaction. They will consistently expect your time. Can you commit to this?

My friend thought it was a good idea but put no effort in past masturbating with a dildo. Didn't want to interact or make any effort. And she made next to nothing and quit.

I really think you'd be so much better off focusing all that energy into something else that has long term prospects.

yellowsmileyface · 12/09/2023 10:01

If you think OF work will give you more time with the kids then you have very unrealistic expectations. It's not a couple of hours at night and thousands in the bank. It's relentless work for low reward. You need to dedicate a LOT of hours everyday to interacting with people to build your following. Without this interaction no one will pay for your content.

Also, the fetishes you've listed really aren't that niche or rare, not enough so to assure lots of custom. Those types of fetishes already have a very oversatured market.

If your reason to want to do it is it sounds appealing and fun then I'd say go for it. If your reason is to spend more time with the kids then you YABVU.