My friend has just had a baby and her husband has sent out a list of rules before we visit. No visitors for at least 10 days. No advice to be given by visitors or sharing their experiences. Only stay an hour. Visits to be arranged in advance to fit around breastfeeding. There’s an Amazon gift list, if we wish. Wash your hands. Get changed if vaping or smoking. You probably won’t get to hold baby. Don’t kiss baby. Give baby back immediately to mum if crying etc etc.
I really was looking forward to going round to this friend’s house as we are super close, but now I will worry about saying the wrong thing, or offering unwanted advice. Or what if the baby is eating its hands or nuzzling, do I give it back to my friend and say it’s hungry but she will be offended because she will take that as unwanted advice.
I have 3 kids and breastfed them all, but I didn’t produce enough milk when I had the first. If someone else hadn’t told me about cluster feeding to get the milk supply going, I might have given up. Also, I could never arrange times for people to visit around breastfeeding because it just doesn’t work like that with many breastfed babies.
When I had my kids I wanted people to share my happiness and to meet my baby and have cuddles. I find it strange when people produce lists like this or don’t want people holding their babies. AIBU that this is too much? And I had a horrible Labour and then a c section with 1 baby and 1 child was in NICU for a bit.
By The way, this friend came round my house absolutely loads when my babies were small and used to stay all day and all evening. I never minded. I thought it was lovely that she took such an interest in my kids, but now she won’t let anyone even stay more than an hour or give advice, with her own baby. So now I think I might stay away and not have the same relationship with her kids as she’s had with mine, because I am too worried about doing or saying the wrong thing and I shall feel like I am not really wanted there.