Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be disappointed by DP's salary cut

257 replies

Lemonsugarhigh · 10/09/2023 07:17

DP lost his job in April (a job he hated) and has been doing nothing since, just living off savings/decent redundancy money. Totally fine, because he needed a break. I wasn't concerned. He applied for several jobs but was rejected at final stage for all of them, and he was becoming disheartened. So he felt compelled to take a job that's MUCH more junior, paying significantly less than he was on before. Less than half his last salary in fact. He's now earning half my salary too. I know it shouldn't but it bothers me. Everyone else moves jobs and gets raises. Even DP's brother who's 8 years younger and doesn't have a single qualification recently got a new job paying more than what DP will be on now. DP doesn't seem bothered.

We were supposed to be trying to buy our first home together, but not financially possible now. Aibu to be disappointed? Should he have held out until he got a better offer?

OP posts:
HappyCamperTent · 10/09/2023 07:19

I guess he has no choice?

Lastqueenofscotland2 · 10/09/2023 07:19

YABU. It’s much easier to find a new job while in a job. If he kept getting rejected from senior roles there may well have been a skill or knowledge gap. How long did you expect him to hold out for the right thing?

Zampa · 10/09/2023 07:19

You are not being unreasonable to be disappointed but would you rather he didn't work at all?

This is a springboard back into the world of work. Hopefully, this role will boost his confidence after a bruising experience and time out and he can progress from here.

RagzRebooted · 10/09/2023 07:22

YANBU if you agreed shared financial goals (buying a home) and he is not considering this. However, being out of work is depressing and he may feel more motivated once he has the job. Can you discuss this in terms of goals, rather than 'you're earning half' and suggest he does it for 6 months while looking for something higher paid? Do a 1 year, 5 year, 10 year plan of what you both want/need and how to get there.

My DH was out of work for over a year, following years of low paid self employment then a mental breakdown. We survived on universal credit and my salary, but I wanted to plan for the future (also buy a home) get off benefits for good, so I set out what we needed to do to achieve that (both earn at least £30k). He planned a new career and job searched based on that.

ConnieTucker · 10/09/2023 07:23

It depends what he is like as a person. For some people, being in a job wont stop them looking for a better one. For others having a job will mean they dont continue the search. I would much prefer my dh not to take any job as i know he would immediately feel comfortable and stop looking.

SurprisedWithAHorse · 10/09/2023 07:24

Is he still jobhunting for something better?

Oysterbabe · 10/09/2023 07:25

It's better to have any job than no job.
I took a more junior role after I quit a job I despised. I got a payrise after 3 months and a promotion after 6. Maybe he'll go in, do a fantastic job and quickly climb the ladder.

PepeParapluie · 10/09/2023 07:25

I put YABU but to qualify - I think it’s a bit unreasonable to feel disappointed that he took a more junior job. It is better for you both financially if he has A job right? However I can understand your disappointment at the plans etc you were making being affected by him earning less than you had anticipated. I guess that’s something to navigate as a couple, but him not working for longer isn’t going to bring your house buying plans any closer either.

GRex · 10/09/2023 07:26

If your DP could get a job earning twice as much, do you really think he would have turned it down? It sounds like he's had a very rough ride, is taking steps to move forward so he isn't stuck in a bad place, and you're there kicking him from behind. Consider how you would feel if this was you, and what a supportive partner might do or say. If you can't be that person at a time when he truly needs you, then maybe you simply don't love him?

andrainwillmaketheflowersgrow · 10/09/2023 07:27

Surely any job is better than no job?

He can always keep applying for something better.

IncompleteSenten · 10/09/2023 07:27

Yabu.
Half is better than none and the bigger the gap on your CV the harder it is to get back into work.

itsgettingweird · 10/09/2023 07:32

A job is better then no job.

At least in employment he can work his way up or continue to look for better opportunities.

Imagine writing this is it was you and you couldn't find employment in a job that paid more and so took something.

Imagine the replies.

Spacemoon · 10/09/2023 07:34

The fact he is earning less than you or his (unqualified 🙄) brother is completely irrelevant.

He has a job, which is better than him lounging around living off redundancy pay. It sounds like he was struggling to get the jobs at his current level anyway. Sometimes unfortunately, you have to start over again and build back up. If he wants to, he'll get back up, if not further eventually - it may just take a little time. Nothing stopping him continuing his search whilst in employment. Like a previous poster said, it's easier to find a job whilst already in a job. It also sounded like he didn't really like his old job - so perhaps he's happier in a more junior role. Money isn't everything.

I don't think being disappointed is unreasonable, you're entitled to feel however you like about the situation, but I do find the way you've worded your post somewhat snobby and like you're very money and status orientated.

Indiacalling · 10/09/2023 07:37

If he held out for a better paying job, he would still have nothing, though.
It must be quite disheartening to be made redundant and be rejected at the last stages for other jobs. At least this way, there is some money coming in, he is still in the workplace and he will be making new contacts and not have a huge gap in his CV.

Randomness12 · 10/09/2023 07:39

I think it depends - is he planning to keep searching for a higher paid role and this is a stopgap or is he planning to stay in this role for good?

You mentioned he needed a break from his previous job, was that burnout/stress and do you think maybe this is a.way to avoid the same?

I'd be disappointed too initially but I'd want to know the plan, and importantly I'd need to be part of the planning. If my DH cut his salary in half without talking to me about why and the plan id be furious, it impacts the whole family. It is his job but It would be the equivalent of me just deciding not to go back to work - I wouldn't do it without consultation.

Mouse82 · 10/09/2023 07:40

As I told my son, any job is better than no job, you can still look for another.

PinkRoses1245 · 10/09/2023 07:41

YABU. It’s most important he has got a job

pd339 · 10/09/2023 07:42

If he had held out, you'd probably be on here saying you're disappointed that he hasn't got a job.

Original poster
Lemonsugarhigh · 10/09/2023 07:46

Yes totally agree it's better to have a job than no job. He's a very content creature of habit though. And lacks confidence. He'll start this job and will never leave if it's easygoing. Will never push for a raise if he's due one. He'll be on this salary for years. I'm happy in my job, have been there 2 years in October but I'm constantly thinking about how I increase my salary next, and planning training etc.

DP was at his old workplace for 8 years. Underpaid and undervalued for the last 3 years or so. But for the money he was comfortable there, he had friends there, worked good hours, it was straightforward basically. Then they restructured and laid off his entire team.

For context, we both work in the same industry. We have slightly different experience/skillset, but ultimately very similar jobs.

OP posts:
Hereforsummer · 10/09/2023 07:47

I agree with most people, a lower paying job is better than no job. It sounds like you see his value as a person tied up with the amount he earns? It might be worth considering why this is?

Totalwasteofpaper · 10/09/2023 07:48

YABU... for now.
for his mental health 100% a job is better than no job.

longer term it depends on the £ amount....
£200k to £90k i understand (there arent a plethora of jobs like that lying around. And you can still live well) I know a lot of people who were made redundant in the last year who have taken paycuts. These were late 30s early 40s high earners. The jobs are there but competition is unreal.
£50k to £25k is much more problematic short term.

(VERY?) unpopular opinion:
i would be supportive but expect him to continue applying and have left this job in a year or less for a beter paid one.
If that didnt happen i would be looking at exiting the relationship.

Context: while my DH wasnt a particularly huge earner when we met, he is hardworking and ambitious. My father was an "unpredictable" earner. Maximum endevours to ensure financial security is just a non negotiable in a partner for me.

imo you are lucky you dont have a mortgage with him yet!.
I would start seeing what you can buy on your own and also shelve any or all plans for marriage or children at least for now.
i would not be subsidising him In anyway. Holidays etc look at group trips for solo travellers (there are great ones for 20/30 somethings and beyond)

determinedtomakethiswork · 10/09/2023 07:48

It sounds as though you both have very different attitudes to work. It has made you incompatible. Would you be happy staying with him if he stayed in that job?

Original poster
Lemonsugarhigh · 10/09/2023 07:48

(So I totally get the industry he works in and what he's capable of salary wise)

OP posts:
Ollifer · 10/09/2023 07:49

A job is better than nothing. I can see why it's disappointing, but you just need to sit him down and have a chat about progression/other opportunities if his new salary will mean you can no longer afford to buy a house.

ittakes2 · 10/09/2023 07:51

I personally admire him taking a lower paying job -drives me crazy when people sit around not working for ages because they are waiting for the perfect job.