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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have walked out the car dealership after this blatant rudeness, perhaps sexism?

719 replies

Sorentolove · 09/09/2023 23:05

DH and I went to upgrade our shared family car (I drive it 80% of the time) at the local dealership.

The car was purchased 4 years ago at another (same brand) dealership and we're coming to the end of the Lease.

It was purchased under his name, this one will be purchased under my name.

The appointment was made in his name.

We arrived slightly ahead of time and we're greeted pleasantly, offered coffees and waited for the staff member. Another pleasant staff member passed by and had a brief chat with us both.

Our fellow came up to us at the wait area introduced himself to my DH, shook his hand, and started talking about the car we'd expressed an interest in.

Rather taken aback at being ignored, I stood up, offered my hand and introduced myself as Mrs SLove.

He shook my hand and guided us to his desk where we talked for a couple of minutes about the car, then he said he'd get the keys and then show us the vehicle.

DH and I looked at each other and we saw we were on the same page that this branch did not deserve our money and we decided to leave.

I caught the manager's eye on the way out and explained our disappointment.

He was furious and tried to convince us to stay, even stopping us as we were driving off the car park. We were resolute though, and they lost a sale.

Wwbu?

OP posts:
Densol57 · 09/09/2023 23:08

So the appointment was made in husbands name NOT yours. Salesman talks to husband
is salesman a mind reader or is there a drip feed here ?
YABU

determinedtomakethiswork · 09/09/2023 23:08

But as far as they knew, your husband bought the last car and was going to buy the new one? He was their customer, the one on their books.

ElleLeopine · 09/09/2023 23:08

The appointment was made in your DH's name.

I don't think that you gave them enough of a chance.

laurenlodge · 09/09/2023 23:09

If you introduced yourself as Mrs anything then you lost all right to complain about sexism I'm afraid. How embarrassing.

Original poster
Sorentolove · 09/09/2023 23:09

If you were trying to flog a car, would you say hell to both humans attending an appointment with you?

OP posts:
INeedAnotherName · 09/09/2023 23:10

DH made the appointment.
DH owned last car.
DH was looking for a new car.

How were they to know the new car was being financed by you?

maddening · 09/09/2023 23:10

Yanbu, there is no excuse for that rudeness and the level of sexism in the motor industry means that this is most likely a cause of it - I think apologising for this on the basis of who made the appointment etc is typical.

Original poster
Sorentolove · 09/09/2023 23:10

laurenlodge · 09/09/2023 23:09

If you introduced yourself as Mrs anything then you lost all right to complain about sexism I'm afraid. How embarrassing.

He spoke to Mr SLove, I echoed his terminology.

OP posts:
Coronado2 · 09/09/2023 23:11

I would be really annoyed that he'd ignored me, but I'd have either left then or I'd have stayed and seen if he improved through his whole sales talk. Or did he also ignore you when talking about the car?

MatthewsMumFromTikTok · 09/09/2023 23:12

Is that all he did?

How else was he rude?

Original poster
Sorentolove · 09/09/2023 23:12

Again, shouldn't both parties attending an appointment be acknowledged?

It's just basic courtesy of interaction, let alone in a sales situation.

OP posts:
Certainlyreally · 09/09/2023 23:12

So they tried to block you leaving the car park??

Hmm
letstrythatagain · 09/09/2023 23:12

I get you were frustrated but this seems like such an overreaction to a simple mistake. I'm sure he just checked the info before meeting you and saw it was your husband looking to buy a car....

AliceOlive · 09/09/2023 23:13

Yeah, it doesn’t cost him anything to be polite to people who are spending £XXXXX at his place of business.

Original poster
Sorentolove · 09/09/2023 23:14

Certainlyreally · 09/09/2023 23:12

So they tried to block you leaving the car park??

Hmm

Not block really, the manager just waved us down as we were exiting to try and persuade us to give them another chance. We stopped for him, politely.

OP posts:
laurenlodge · 09/09/2023 23:14

Yes, the salesman would have defaulted to Mr/Mrs out of politeness. You however had the chance to introduce yourself and - instead of going for your first name - opted to introduce yourself by reference to your husband. Like I said - difficult to take the moral high ground on feminism in those circumstances.

MariePaperRoses · 09/09/2023 23:14

And now you don't have a new car.

That worked out well for you! #eyeroll

Why not say directly to the chap that in your opinion you felt left out and give him a chance, rather than flounce off and complain to the manager?

I bet they were laughing after you left.

Djmaggie · 09/09/2023 23:15

You sound like you have tried really hard to be offended about absolutely nothing

Original poster
Sorentolove · 09/09/2023 23:15

laurenlodge · 09/09/2023 23:14

Yes, the salesman would have defaulted to Mr/Mrs out of politeness. You however had the chance to introduce yourself and - instead of going for your first name - opted to introduce yourself by reference to your husband. Like I said - difficult to take the moral high ground on feminism in those circumstances.

Absolutely you're right, but I was a little in shock really to have been ignored so probably wasn't peak thinking, sadly.

OP posts:
HarrietSchulenberg · 09/09/2023 23:15

Maybe make your own appointment in your own name next time.

Original poster
Sorentolove · 09/09/2023 23:16

MariePaperRoses · 09/09/2023 23:14

And now you don't have a new car.

That worked out well for you! #eyeroll

Why not say directly to the chap that in your opinion you felt left out and give him a chance, rather than flounce off and complain to the manager?

I bet they were laughing after you left.

Actually we've ordered it today. Collect8mg in Friday Smile

OP posts:
Original poster
Sorentolove · 09/09/2023 23:16

Djmaggie · 09/09/2023 23:15

You sound like you have tried really hard to be offended about absolutely nothing

Nope not at all.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sorentolove · 09/09/2023 23:17

HarrietSchulenberg · 09/09/2023 23:15

Maybe make your own appointment in your own name next time.

And then if they ignore my husband?

OP posts:
MrsJBaptiste · 09/09/2023 23:17

MatthewsMumFromTikTok · 09/09/2023 23:12

Is that all he did?

How else was he rude?

^ This.

I was waiting for much more than that in the OP 🙄

Hedgehog23 · 09/09/2023 23:17

Absolutely not being unreasonable. It’s good manners to talk both the people attending the appointment. Many people only have one car and even if you have a car each, couples will drive each others or ride in it so will have a stake.