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AIBU?

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Original poster

To have walked out the car dealership after this blatant rudeness, perhaps sexism?

719 replies

Sorentolove · 09/09/2023 23:05

DH and I went to upgrade our shared family car (I drive it 80% of the time) at the local dealership.

The car was purchased 4 years ago at another (same brand) dealership and we're coming to the end of the Lease.

It was purchased under his name, this one will be purchased under my name.

The appointment was made in his name.

We arrived slightly ahead of time and we're greeted pleasantly, offered coffees and waited for the staff member. Another pleasant staff member passed by and had a brief chat with us both.

Our fellow came up to us at the wait area introduced himself to my DH, shook his hand, and started talking about the car we'd expressed an interest in.

Rather taken aback at being ignored, I stood up, offered my hand and introduced myself as Mrs SLove.

He shook my hand and guided us to his desk where we talked for a couple of minutes about the car, then he said he'd get the keys and then show us the vehicle.

DH and I looked at each other and we saw we were on the same page that this branch did not deserve our money and we decided to leave.

I caught the manager's eye on the way out and explained our disappointment.

He was furious and tried to convince us to stay, even stopping us as we were driving off the car park. We were resolute though, and they lost a sale.

Wwbu?

OP posts:
AliceOlive · 09/09/2023 23:19

laurenlodge · 09/09/2023 23:14

Yes, the salesman would have defaulted to Mr/Mrs out of politeness. You however had the chance to introduce yourself and - instead of going for your first name - opted to introduce yourself by reference to your husband. Like I said - difficult to take the moral high ground on feminism in those circumstances.

What a strange attitude. Either she goes by her first name or else she pretends to be invisible?

SillyBillyMother · 09/09/2023 23:19

Bullshit to all those saying you shouldn't call yourself Mrs * and be expected to be treated as an equal. Ffs. You can call yourself what you like and be treated as a equal. Always. Good grief!

Excited101 · 09/09/2023 23:20

Massive overreaction on your side. I was waiting to see what the ‘terrible thing’ was that happened… 🤷‍♀️

whathaveiforgottentoday · 09/09/2023 23:20

I had a similar experience except I made the appointment, I turned up in my own. Salesman kept asking what my husband thought.

I made a formal complaint afterwards. They didn't let me test drive.

Different scenario but I expect the salesman was cut from the same cloth.

Obviously, I didn't buy a car from them despite me actually quite interested in the model (I had two in mind but this pushed me to choose the other !).

mumyes · 09/09/2023 23:21

laurenlodge · 09/09/2023 23:09

If you introduced yourself as Mrs anything then you lost all right to complain about sexism I'm afraid. How embarrassing.

Woop!

Screamingabdabz · 09/09/2023 23:25

I don’t blame you op. All these arsey replies are internalised misogyny about you being a chippy woman and getting above your station. The automotive sector and adjacent industries are full of a certain type of male who don’t see women. They saw you today. Good for you.

bestbefore · 09/09/2023 23:26

25 years ago I went with dp to buy a car. Chap starts talking to dp, who says it's her buying the car not me & chap then spoke to me. Problem solved.

SophieinParis · 09/09/2023 23:28

I wouldn’t care. Cars, car dealers, car salesmen are the most boring thing in the world and the less engagement I have with with them, the better. And if I get to avoid touching the car salesmen’s sweaty hand then as far as I’m concerned my day is a good one. Honestly, why do you care what some random grotty car man thinks?

andrainwillmaketheflowersgrow · 09/09/2023 23:30

You both sound absolutely bonkers.

Screamingabdabz · 09/09/2023 23:31

SophieinParis · 09/09/2023 23:28

I wouldn’t care. Cars, car dealers, car salesmen are the most boring thing in the world and the less engagement I have with with them, the better. And if I get to avoid touching the car salesmen’s sweaty hand then as far as I’m concerned my day is a good one. Honestly, why do you care what some random grotty car man thinks?

She didn’t care what he thought. She wasn’t giving her business to someone who did not acknowledge her existence. Two different things.

howtogetthisright · 09/09/2023 23:32

I think this is a situation where you use your words.

'Mr Car dealer man. It is I who is buying the car, not my husband'.

No need for a big scene or a walkout.

Words are quite powerful.

TreadLightly3 · 09/09/2023 23:32

Screamingabdabz · 09/09/2023 23:25

I don’t blame you op. All these arsey replies are internalised misogyny about you being a chippy woman and getting above your station. The automotive sector and adjacent industries are full of a certain type of male who don’t see women. They saw you today. Good for you.

This - 100%

@Sorentolove good for you. I doubt that salesman will be so rude in future.

TeenLifeMum · 09/09/2023 23:33

I totally agree with you and we walked out of the Ford garage for the same reason. Dh even said to the guy “I don’t know why you keep speaking to me, she’s the one who’ll be driving it and she knows about cars!” (I was a features editor and edited the motoring pages of a weekly newspaper so not an expert but I did know what I wanted).

We walked out and bought from a different dealership.

If you’re buying a family car and two people show up then it’s common sense to talk to both and establish who will be the main driver.

GodDammitCecil · 09/09/2023 23:33

Not acknowledging you at all is appalling, and I’d have wanted to walk out based on that alone.

Introducing yourself as Mrs Husband’s Name is just too 😬😬😬 for words, and loses you every tiny bit of moral high ground.

Womencanlift · 09/09/2023 23:34

Massive over reaction and you will be the talk of the office for that. If the appointment was in your name and the salesman only spoke to your husband then I could see your point but that’s not what happened here

thecatinthetwat · 09/09/2023 23:35

if you had booked the appointment in your name and then turned up with a man, no way that man would have been overlooked and ignored.

nice one op, they’ll have a rethink now I would have thought.

TreadLightly3 · 09/09/2023 23:35

GodDammitCecil · 09/09/2023 23:33

Not acknowledging you at all is appalling, and I’d have wanted to walk out based on that alone.

Introducing yourself as Mrs Husband’s Name is just too 😬😬😬 for words, and loses you every tiny bit of moral high ground.

But if that’s her name, what the hell else was she supposed to do? Pretend she was still called by her maiden name????!

SophieinParis · 09/09/2023 23:37

But she did..this man’s sexist thought process and the manner in which he viewed her offended the OP so much she inconvenienced herself by walking out of an appointment!

ConnieTucker · 09/09/2023 23:37

You sound like you have tried really hard to be offended about absolutely nothing
This. You made the appointment in his name and introduced yourself as mrs husband. Then left. Did he speak to you after you introduced yourself.

at BMW about 15 yrs ago and Nissan about 7 years ago when looking to buy a new car, and on my own, I was asked if I could make the decision without my husband. That’s sexism.

AliceOlive · 09/09/2023 23:38

GodDammitCecil · 09/09/2023 23:33

Not acknowledging you at all is appalling, and I’d have wanted to walk out based on that alone.

Introducing yourself as Mrs Husband’s Name is just too 😬😬😬 for words, and loses you every tiny bit of moral high ground.

There’s something immoral about introducing oneself as Mrs? Please explain!

GodDammitCecil · 09/09/2023 23:38

TreadLightly3 · 09/09/2023 23:35

But if that’s her name, what the hell else was she supposed to do? Pretend she was still called by her maiden name????!

Show quote history

Um, first name…………?

Pretty ‘out there’ suggestion for 2023 I know, but 🤷🏻‍♀️😵‍💫

In nearly 20 years of marriage, I have never once introduced myself as Mrs Surname - let alone when I’m trying to dismantle the patriarchy.

RufustheFactualReindeer · 09/09/2023 23:41

I went with my dad to help him choose a car and the sales person absolutely introduced himself to both of us and talked to both of us about the car

you are not wrong OP, the salesperson was rude

Precipice · 09/09/2023 23:43

GodDammitCecil · 09/09/2023 23:38

Um, first name…………?

Pretty ‘out there’ suggestion for 2023 I know, but 🤷🏻‍♀️😵‍💫

In nearly 20 years of marriage, I have never once introduced myself as Mrs Surname - let alone when I’m trying to dismantle the patriarchy.

Show quote history

If a man and a woman walk in and the appointment is under David Jones and the salesman addresses himself only to 'Mr Jones', do you think the woman should be like, 'Hi, I'm Megan'? While her husband is being addressed more formally by title and surname?

TheDisgustingBrothers · 09/09/2023 23:43

OP why did you ask if people think you’re being unreasonable if you don’t care to listen to those who say you were?

3dogsandarabbit · 09/09/2023 23:44

When your husband made the appointment why didn't he say that both of you would be attending. Surely he would have given the company some information beforehand.

I feel as though this was a "test" that you and your husband deliberately set up beforehand, but it was a test the company couldn't pass as you withheld vital information. Seems very strange.