To have walked out the car dealership after this blatant rudeness, perhaps sexism?

[Sorentolove]

DH and I went to upgrade our shared family car (I drive it 80% of the time) at the local dealership.

The car was purchased 4 years ago at another (same brand) dealership and we're coming to the end of the Lease.

It was purchased under his name, this one will be purchased under my name.

The appointment was made in his name.

We arrived slightly ahead of time and we're greeted pleasantly, offered coffees and waited for the staff member. Another pleasant staff member passed by and had a brief chat with us both.

Our fellow came up to us at the wait area introduced himself to my DH, shook his hand, and started talking about the car we'd expressed an interest in.

Rather taken aback at being ignored, I stood up, offered my hand and introduced myself as Mrs SLove.

He shook my hand and guided us to his desk where we talked for a couple of minutes about the car, then he said he'd get the keys and then show us the vehicle.

DH and I looked at each other and we saw we were on the same page that this branch did not deserve our money and we decided to leave.

I caught the manager's eye on the way out and explained our disappointment.

He was furious and tried to convince us to stay, even stopping us as we were driving off the car park. We were resolute though, and they lost a sale.

Wwbu?

We took a car out for a test drive, the salesman handed the keys to OH who then drove it very slowly down the dual carriageway. When he pulled off the salesman seemed to remember I was in the backseat and asked it I felt I wanted to try it. Reader, we did not go slowly, I took it on the winding backroads back to the showroom where the salesman said Bloody hell, do you always drive like that!

100% yes, I do.

Regardless of the name on the books, manners costs nothing, although this case the dealership, the sale.

Look, if the OP is trying to make the point that she isn’t just the ‘little woman’, introducing herself by her husband’s surname is a laughable way to go about it.

Very good point 🤣

Absolutely this.

I’m cringing for you tbh

I always introduce myself as first name and last name, I don’t prefix it with Mrs/Miss/Ms. We’ve just purchased a new 4x4 and the salesperson kept taking to DH explaining things, both DH and I politely pointed out that the vehicle was being purchased for me to drive. No drama and no need for drama.

The only time I’ve felt the need to correct someone was when I drove onto a site towing our touring caravan and the man who greeted us kept calling my DH chief and talking over me. When he directed us to our pitch he also felt the need to shout rather loudly over the radio that he’d need the mini tractor to position the caravan. By the time it came the caravan had been reversed, positioned and set up. That was the only time I’ve felt the need to publicly humiliate a sexist pig rather loudly…

i can hardly be bothered to respond to this, your argument is so ridiculous.

The interaction was formal. The salesman referred to the husband as “Mr Surname” and blanks her completely. You’re suggesting that the appropriate response is to respond informally to the insult and say “And I’m Sarah” or whatever.

Your argument is quite honestly as ignorant as the salesman was.

Me too. OP said on the thread that they have ordered a car and it’s being delivered. Wonder if it’s from the same dealership.

YANBU

An appointment is usually only logged in one name for many places. The point is, two people arrived for the appointment and both people should have been acknowledged and spoken with.

Yes, he was rude not to even acknowledge you, and I too would have been disgruntled at this, regardless of whether it was me financing/driving the new car or not. You go as a couple, you should both be acknowledged. If the second person at the appointment has no interest, they should politely say "oh I'll leave this to you two and I'll go sit on the comfy sofa to drink my coffee", and excuse themselves.

When we went to a car dealership, booked in my husband's name, both of us attended with our children as well. We were all acknowledged and treated respectfully. We also were both taken separately to test drive.

You were right to address the issue with the manager.

one of my jobs is in a vehicle sales showroom, the customer is your DH, the appointment was made in DH's name and he is the one the salesman would assume is the person leading / buying the car, I think he's inadvertently offended you, but without any other instances of him being 'rude' I think you've overreacted massively.

What your DH SHOULD have done at the point the salesman shook his hand and introduced himself is to then introduce you and say, this is my wife (insert name here) and tell the salesman that the appointment is actually for you as you were the one the car is for.

The outcome at that point would have been very different.

I think you should have spoken to the salesman:

”You have ignored me - presumably because I am a woman. We are equal partners in this decision, so your choice to speak only to my husband has cost you the chance of a sale, and the commission you would have earned. In the future, you might want to consider introducing yourself to all your potential customers, rather than just the man in the pair/group.”

You've potentially got the sales person in trouble with his boss for no real
reason 🙄

Yeah the guy was a bit rude. Sexist? I’m not seeing it. Appointment was not in your name so you could have been anyone.

If a couple arrives together, surely it's just good manners to address and talk to both unless one makes it clear that they aren't going to be involved?

It's just rude to not even acknowledge someone.

So many couples share a car, it's not uncommon in the slightest.

I’ve been in situations like this quite a few times as Dh and I run a business together so we get it in business and domestic situations.

If people ignore me Dh always introduces me and says “This is Lizzie Siddal, she makes the important decisions so I suggest you include her in this discussion”.

It really does anger me though that in 2023 some men still treat women like they don’t matter.

It's good manners to greet both people in the couple though, even if you believe that one is doing the buying.

I took my ten year old ds with me last time, he clearly wasn't buying but they took the time to say hi and make a bit of chit chat with him. Basic sales practice surely?

You're getting a hard time here OP but I get it, some people just don't have a great attitude and make you bristle from the outset...maybe this was the case here, it can be difficult to describe.

I would’ve just asked the guy what made him think my husband was buying the car.
And laughed.
No need to leave.
Reminds me of the Jerry Lundegaard character on Fargo played by William H. Macy trying to sell that “undercoating.”

I find it funny (odd not hilarious) because people complain about how women are often treated as customers in dealerships
Yet when they speak to me (female) I get asked if they can "speak to service" as if I'm reception. My male colleagues don't get asked this. We are both in service, exactly the same job and same wage but I have people refuse to speak to me as they "want to speak to one of the service men"
And it's always something daft like wanting to book an MOT which funnily I'm capable of!

Our dealership has male and female sales though and any hint of sexism is stamped on. The male staff wouldn't dare!

I think it's rude. I wouldn't have left over it, but I think it's good manners to address everyone is this situation.

You must be very easily offended .

I bought a car last week at a main dealership. I enquired myself online, I went there by myself and I bought it by myself.
Whilst I don't have a husband, they didn't know that and they never asked me. They just dealt with me. A person buying a car.
It was a fab experience - maybe I just got a good salesman. But also because I was the one who enquired and went and took charge of the situation.
OP: if it was you buying then you needed to do the same. You should have gone in and straight away said that it was your car you were buying despite the initial enquiry

Your dh made the appointment in his name. How the hell would the dealership know it would be bought in your name?
You sound a right pair, deciding they didn't "deserve" your money for not being mind readers and communicating this by looking at each other.
Did you engineer this nonsense deliberately?

I get this in certain restaurants. Waiters talk to OH almost like I'm not there. If it happened in all types of restaurants I'd be worried, but there's a definite theme.