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AIBU?

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Original poster

To have walked out the car dealership after this blatant rudeness, perhaps sexism?

719 replies

Sorentolove · 09/09/2023 23:05

DH and I went to upgrade our shared family car (I drive it 80% of the time) at the local dealership.

The car was purchased 4 years ago at another (same brand) dealership and we're coming to the end of the Lease.

It was purchased under his name, this one will be purchased under my name.

The appointment was made in his name.

We arrived slightly ahead of time and we're greeted pleasantly, offered coffees and waited for the staff member. Another pleasant staff member passed by and had a brief chat with us both.

Our fellow came up to us at the wait area introduced himself to my DH, shook his hand, and started talking about the car we'd expressed an interest in.

Rather taken aback at being ignored, I stood up, offered my hand and introduced myself as Mrs SLove.

He shook my hand and guided us to his desk where we talked for a couple of minutes about the car, then he said he'd get the keys and then show us the vehicle.

DH and I looked at each other and we saw we were on the same page that this branch did not deserve our money and we decided to leave.

I caught the manager's eye on the way out and explained our disappointment.

He was furious and tried to convince us to stay, even stopping us as we were driving off the car park. We were resolute though, and they lost a sale.

Wwbu?

OP posts:
Monopause · 09/09/2023 23:59

Any sales person who didn’t have the intelligence to assess the situation and realise that there were 2 grown adults that needed to be ‘sold’ to, was not up to their job. You are quite right that no one should have been deferred to more than the other. This was a family car that was being bought and the sales person obviously made some presumptions about who was the one that ‘mattered’. Big mistake. You and your husband’s instincts were right and hopefully that sales person has learnt a valuable lesson.

Those people that are having a go at the OP - maybe if you’d been there you might understand the sexism she experienced. It happens.

Remaker · 10/09/2023 00:00

In that situation my husband would have said ‘I’m (first name) and this is my wife Remaker.’ I think that’s the polite thing to do when the other person doesn’t know who you are?

Lou670 · 10/09/2023 00:00

I am cringing for you both here. If the car is for you, why was the appointment in your husbands name? The salesman is just that, trying to get a sale and going by the name he has on his records. Yes ok he could have acknowledged you. I would just have smiled at that one and maybe rolled my eyes.

I wouldn't have flounced off because of that, is that really the hill you wish you die on? I would have been more interested in looking over the car rather than trying to make a point to a salesperson.

SisterMichaelsHabit · 10/09/2023 00:01

ReadingSoManyThreads · 09/09/2023 23:54

If a couple arrives together, surely it's just good manners to address and talk to both unless one makes it clear that they aren't going to be involved?

It's just rude to not even acknowledge someone.

So many couples share a car, it's not uncommon in the slightest.

Show quote history

But if they're not a couple and you treat them like they are, then they walk out offended that you assumed they were a couple buying a car together just because they're a man and a woman in the same place at the same time. She could have been his DSis, his cousin, his friend, anyone at all.
The sales guy can't win.

SleepingStandingUp · 10/09/2023 00:01

Sorentolove · 09/09/2023 23:12

Again, shouldn't both parties attending an appointment be acknowledged?

It's just basic courtesy of interaction, let alone in a sales situation.

Honestly if you walked out on the basis that he didn't say hello to you when he greeted the person we had an appointment with, but did so when you made a point of saying hello, then yes yabu and you sound like quite hard work.

TheMountainsCall · 10/09/2023 00:01

I do think this is an issue as I've experienced it myself. It's not nice to be ignored. I've also been in situations where my DH has been somewhat ignored, though less than the other way around. More savvy salespeople seem to make an effort to talk to both and suss out who is the one who will be making the decision, then focus their efforts more in that direction. If it's a household item, more likely it will be me, and I can always tell when they have worked that out. There have probably been times when I have not bought an item because of being ignored in favour of my DH but I've never walked out over it. This will only been when I'm badly ignored to the point I might as well be invisible. If I can't get the information because I'm ignored, how am I supposed to make a decision?

GodDammitCecil · 10/09/2023 00:01

TreadLightly3 · 09/09/2023 23:49

i can hardly be bothered to respond to this, your argument is so ridiculous.

The interaction was formal. The salesman referred to the husband as “Mr Surname” and blanks her completely. You’re suggesting that the appropriate response is to respond informally to the insult and say “And I’m Sarah” or whatever.

Your argument is quite honestly as ignorant as the salesman was.

Show quote history

‘The interaction was formal’. Grin

It’s a pompous car salesman flogging a car. Not the coronation.

Let’s just agree to very strongly disagree!! 😄

Lighthouseview · 10/09/2023 00:02

SophieinParis · 09/09/2023 23:37

But she did..this man’s sexist thought process and the manner in which he viewed her offended the OP so much she inconvenienced herself by walking out of an appointment!

It’s no inconvenience to leave poor service in your rear mirror!

SisterMichaelsHabit · 10/09/2023 00:04

@Monopause but it's actually NOT sexism to not make the assumption that a man and a woman are a couple just because they've gone to something together. Surely the opposite is true?

OP has a DH problem. He should have opened his mouth and said at the start "actually there's been a mistake, the appointment wasn't for me..." then introduced his wife.

GodDammitCecil · 10/09/2023 00:04

Lighthouseview · 10/09/2023 00:02

It’s no inconvenience to leave poor service in your rear mirror!

Show quote history

Exactly - it clearly wasn’t only not in the least bit inconvenient for the OP, it was downright satisfying.

Alargeoneplease89 · 10/09/2023 00:05

I think someone just wants to boast they ordered a car ( though how someone can get one soo quick is beyond me- I keep getting told 3-6 months!)

Seems petty to walk out over someone not addressing you. My DH steps back and I take the lead when in that scenario, he doesn't step before me and shake hands (though it's weird the appointment was in his name?). Maybe in future make your own appointment and take charge if you don't want to be the "little lady"

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 10/09/2023 00:08

SisterMichaelsHabit · 10/09/2023 00:01

But if they're not a couple and you treat them like they are, then they walk out offended that you assumed they were a couple buying a car together just because they're a man and a woman in the same place at the same time. She could have been his DSis, his cousin, his friend, anyone at all.
The sales guy can't win.

Show quote history

@SisterMichaelsHabit - the salesman could deal politely with both of them, without treating them as a couple, though, couldn’t he? He introduces himself to them both, and then says something neutral like “So what can I show you today?” - and the answer to that should help him work out who is the customer.

Thatladdo · 10/09/2023 00:09

If you were doing the deal / paying you should have made the appointment in your name or joint names.

Ive had a slightly different bad dealer/salesman experience years ago but found a solution that satisfied my grievences and didnt see me getting laughed at behind my back for being uppity.

user1477391263 · 10/09/2023 00:10

Very rude of them not to greet both people coming to an appointment.

That said, I do think it’s weird to introduce yourself as “Mrs Husbandsname” (even if you do use your husband’s surname and the title Mrs, which I don’t get anyway, the usual protocol is to say “I’m Jane Husbandsname,” not “I’m Mrs Husbandsname.”).

ReadingSoManyThreads · 10/09/2023 00:10

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 10/09/2023 00:08

@SisterMichaelsHabit - the salesman could deal politely with both of them, without treating them as a couple, though, couldn’t he? He introduces himself to them both, and then says something neutral like “So what can I show you today?” - and the answer to that should help him work out who is the customer.

Show quote history

Exactly.

When I commented "couple", I didn't necessarily mean in a relationship, I just meant two people clearly both attending the appointment.

trying2decide · 10/09/2023 00:11

So you never actually explained to the salesman that the car was for you? Ok...
As PPs have said, you sound like a difficult customer who was looking to be offended.

People can't mind read.

You feel disrespected by the salesman but I'm guessing he now feels disrespected by you for assuming he is sexist and possibly getting him in trouble with his boss for missing out on a sale when he was just doing his job and dealing with the person who had made the appointment.

Your post and replies read as though you're proud of what you did but it comes across as childish and needless.

Thatladdo · 10/09/2023 00:12

Alargeoneplease89 · 10/09/2023 00:05

I think someone just wants to boast they ordered a car ( though how someone can get one soo quick is beyond me- I keep getting told 3-6 months!)

Seems petty to walk out over someone not addressing you. My DH steps back and I take the lead when in that scenario, he doesn't step before me and shake hands (though it's weird the appointment was in his name?). Maybe in future make your own appointment and take charge if you don't want to be the "little lady"

You can get some models fast, obviously second hand ones, pre registered ones and models with low desireability that they are stuck with such as unpopular low spec models or bad colour choices.

Does have humble brag and self empowerment vibes though 😆

SophieinParis · 10/09/2023 00:15

Well clearly the OP isn’t as busy as I am. If I’d taken time off work, or given up time at my weekend, (which is too flippin busy as it is) and synced the time off with my DH, to go buy a car, I wouldn’t be leaving without one! Some random low IQ rude sexist car salesman couldn’t offend me enough to warrant me taking up another weekend, or booking some more time off.

Alargeoneplease89 · 10/09/2023 00:15

😂@Thatladdo Mrs Bucket springs to mind.

SullysTail · 10/09/2023 00:16

I work in sales. Speaking to the audience (addressing the whole party) is par for the course.

It doesn't matter who's name the appointment was in. Two people turned up, you acknowledge and "sell" to them both. It doesn't matter what the dynamic is, generally they'll want to agree/one will help the other make the decision so both opinions are equally important.

I booked all of our house viewings, does that mean my DH should be ignored by the estate agent?

PickoftheMix · 10/09/2023 00:18

Who was buying/paying for the car?

If it was you then surely you have made the appointment in your name and took charge of the situation?

Jessica0508 · 10/09/2023 00:19

Is there a bit missing? I feel like there’s a paragraph missing as it says you and hubby looked at each other and knew you were walking out… when he went to get keys? But where was the part he did something wrong? Do you mean when he didn’t shake your hand? That was it?? That’s genuinely probably a mistake because it was an appointment in his name, yes he should have probably introduced himself to you both but clearly just an oversight. You can’t call him sexist for that 😂.

Weddingblues23 · 10/09/2023 00:19

Hmm, seems a bit odd - were you clearly with your husband? As in sitting/standing next to him? Not across the room looking at the optional extras price list or whatever? I just can't imagine a situation where a salesman wouldn't greet both people, even if the appointment was only made in one of their names.

Mouldyfoodhelp · 10/09/2023 00:19

It's in feminist to use your surname now? That's something new learned for the day and we are only 18 minutes in!

Good feminists only use first names!

Jessica0508 · 10/09/2023 00:20

i get what you’re saying… but he didn’t ignore her completely, he just forgot to shake her hand. She didn’t say he ignored her the whole time