To have walked out the car dealership after this blatant rudeness, perhaps sexism?

[Sorentolove]

DH and I went to upgrade our shared family car (I drive it 80% of the time) at the local dealership.

The car was purchased 4 years ago at another (same brand) dealership and we're coming to the end of the Lease.

It was purchased under his name, this one will be purchased under my name.

The appointment was made in his name.

We arrived slightly ahead of time and we're greeted pleasantly, offered coffees and waited for the staff member. Another pleasant staff member passed by and had a brief chat with us both.

Our fellow came up to us at the wait area introduced himself to my DH, shook his hand, and started talking about the car we'd expressed an interest in.

Rather taken aback at being ignored, I stood up, offered my hand and introduced myself as Mrs SLove.

He shook my hand and guided us to his desk where we talked for a couple of minutes about the car, then he said he'd get the keys and then show us the vehicle.

DH and I looked at each other and we saw we were on the same page that this branch did not deserve our money and we decided to leave.

I caught the manager's eye on the way out and explained our disappointment.

He was furious and tried to convince us to stay, even stopping us as we were driving off the car park. We were resolute though, and they lost a sale.

Wwbu?

Why do people keep responding to a thread when the OIP has obviously left

But to refer to herself as ‘Mrs Husband’s Surname’ when trying to teach a man about sexism is downright silly.

Was OP trying to teach him about sexism? Or just put out he was rude?

I still don't understand why taking your OHs name can't be a feminist choice.

I don’t know. Why?

Ha I had the opposite experience at a car show room. My ex was spending a fair old whack on a car with them, and I was just there with him, it was his money, his deal, not really anything to do with me. Then suddenly the salesman looked at me and said “I’ve got something you’ll like”, and led us out to a very fancy car (much nicer than the one ex was buying), and threw me the keys so I could take it for a test drive. It was ace 🤣.

Ex was sat in the back sulking whilst I drove and the salesman was in the passenger seat egging me on to go faster. Ex was most unhappy about it afterwards 🤣

I’ve not commented on the name business as I think it’s a bit silly, but I actually think she did the right thing describing herself as Mrs ‘Whatever’.

she never got up when he came over until it became obvious that they’d moved on from introductions and started talking about the car, at that point she stood up to join them and introduced herself as Mrs Whatever, but if you think about it, if she said ‘I’m Jane’ the salesman would have been left guessing (or having to ask) if she was his friend/sister/stalker whatever, hubby had never bothered to introduce her so salesguy didn’t know who she was, so really she gave him all the info he needed in those 3 or 4 words.

I do think OP is unhinged, but at least she was going to make his life a bit easier for him.. until she decided to flounce out and report him to his boss of course.

No one is suggesting choosing to take your husband's surname is a 'feminist' choice, we are discussing the experience of sexism, sexism is defined by being discriminated against on the basis of your sex. Sexism isn't the discrimination against only feminists on the basis of their sex!

Yes YABU absolutely no reason to flounce

So I do agree he should have introduced himself to both of you as most dealers would know that whoever is buying/ leasing the car, both of you will have an input as to whether the deal is made and important to get you both on side.

However, when you introduced yourself, that was the opportunity for you to clarify that you’re the main driver and you’ll be the one leasing the car as he’d obviously made assumptions from the previous purchase, booking name etc. He’d then have known to direct most of his questions/conversation towards you. He should of course be making you both feel included throughout but he can only give eye contact to one person at a time so I think it’s reasonable to expect to have one ‘lead’ customer in the conversation.

So I think that both you and the dealer were unreasonable for not getting the initial introductions right that were necessary for building a good buyer-seller relationship. .

You received greetings from two pleasant members of staff and then the salesman introduced himself to your husband who the appointment was booked for? It’s good to be aware of sexism issues and great that your husband followed you on the nod but it seems like you might have gone a bit far with this one. I genuinely don’t see what the issue is….

Absolutely goldenbear

With you ones. Also, it’s her name and title as it would be on any form or legal documentation so it’s fair bloody enough.

But your situation and the OPs is completely different! You were repeatedly ignored after several attempts to explain the situation. She didn’t stand with her husband, and then introduced herself but didn’t give the salesman the benefit of doubt or try and tell him that the car was for her. Not the same situation AT ALL

Did you both miss the bit where she said she didn’t stand and the appointment was in her husbands name? You go into a waiting room as the salesman and ask for Mr Slove and no one else stands, and tell me what you would do?! We aren’t all mystic effing Meg

I was waiting for the awful offensive thing he did but honestly this sounds like a massive over reaction on your part. As far as the salesman was concerned your husband was the customer, not you, as the appointment was in his name. Sure he could've shook your hand right off the bat, but why are you so bothered about that? If the car was in your name and the appointment was in your name and you were blanked whilst he dealt with your husband, then I could understand your annoyance, but the salesman doesn't have some crystal ball to tell him that the new car will be in your name when all the other information he has is in your husbands name. Personally my husband doesn't drive and when I've been to buy a car and he's been there, he's also been largely ignored as he isn't the customer, he's never once been bothered by it, he's more surprised to be acknowledged.

You are not unreasonable at all. I would do the same

You are about to spend a lot of money and it is up to you where you choose to spend it

The car was purchased 4 years ago at another (same brand) dealership and we're coming to the end of the Lease.

It was purchased under his name, this one will be purchased under my name.

Nothing has been 'purchased' you are renting.

What is up with all you people that think the formal use of this woman’s actual name means she can’t be feminist what the actual F*??? I agree the conventions we have are a bit sexist and not perfect and we all have our own individual feelings about how we navigate them. That’s a whole other complex issue. I chose to keep my maiden name as a middle name and I have shared it with my husband. We only chose not to double barrel to keep it simple.
does that mean using my actual legal name means I’m not a feminist anymore ? For goodness sake.

I think as the appointment was made in the husbands name the car dealership understandably assumed he was the customer. I think they would have corrected their mistake if you had continued with the conversation Explaining is was mainly going to be your car and not DH.

Also , they only had husbands name so possibly didn’t want to assume you were his wife. I agree it’s rude not to be acknowledged in that situation.

Get a grip, he shook hand with you, the appoinment was in your husband's name, he had he lease, how did the sales executive know you were financing the new car?

They are still paying customers so it makes no difference to the actual point of the OPs post does it??

Can't quite believe that the 63% of people voting YABU on this thread can be that stupid, but there you go.

So he swore when he was speaking to you both? It's not very clear OP. Did you leave because he swore or because he was ignoring you?

Or is that a typo and should be hello and not hell?

I do agree that the Salesman should have greeted you both with a hello and a handshake, but I think as others have said, he would have initially assumed that your husband was the customer, for the reasons already given to you.

I think you were too quick to walk out though. If it had been me, I would have been doing a whole lot of the talking from the get-go and not passively going along, waiting to see what happened. In fact - that was me nearly 4 years ago. You could tell for the first 2 or 3 minutes though, that he was trying to work out which of us was the more engaged! But I spoke up...... It doesn't seem like you did. Mind you, the Salesman did acknowledge both of us at first handshake and hello

WAIT!

OP never said her husband stood up. So maybe they were both still sitting down when the Salesman shook his hand and launched into his spiel.

Ah, the joys of male salesmen! When I bought my car many years ago, everything went well initially. I drove a hard bargain for it (no DH involvement), but when we went to collect it, the salesman gave my DH the keys and me a huge bunch of flowers!!!! Things clearly haven't changed.

I doubt it. The salesman, who was standing, shook the OP’s DH’s hand. It would be very unusual if DH had been sitting for the handshake.