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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have toddler at dog euthanasia

239 replies

Mr85 · 09/09/2023 22:07

Our dog is now approaching the end and it won't be long until we have to make the call we all dread 😔

Our 3.5 year old son knows what death is. My wife recently lost her grandfather, who he knew a little, but didn't attend the funeral. He did attend my Nan's burial, although he never met her, and acted impecebally.

We've explained that the dog is ill, might not get better and may soon die. When he heard this he teared up and gave him a hug saying he didn't want him to die and he'll miss him so we know he understands what is going to happen.

My wife and I have slightly conflicting views but which are close enough that we could do either with the others blessing. I think our son should be there as he is part of the pack/family and it's a part of life. My wife thinks he is a little too young and it might cause him too much additional upset.

We've already decided what to do as, let's face it, using MN to make big life decisions is not the best idea. I'm just curious as to what everybody thinks.

I think our 3.5 year old son should be there: AIBU?

OP posts:
PrrrplePineapple · 09/09/2023 22:09

Depends where and how. If you call the vet out to your home so your dog gets to go in a relaxed environment with his family around him to keep him calm and not terrified in a vet clinic, then yes. If you're taking the dog to a vet clinic to die, then no (and also please reconsider, because what a stressful way for a loved dog to go).

CinnamonJellyBeans · 09/09/2023 22:10

Your vet will probably not allow such a foolish idea anyway.

ShellySarah · 09/09/2023 22:11

3.5 isn't a toddler. He's a bit old for it. An actual toddler wouldn't understand or remember it.

Oysterbabe · 09/09/2023 22:12

Of course not, don't be so fucking ridiculous.

NalafromtheLionKing · 09/09/2023 22:13

Oysterbabe · 09/09/2023 22:12

Of course not, don't be so fucking ridiculous.

Seconding this.

SerpentEndBench · 09/09/2023 22:14

Please don't. Just no, it isn't necessary.

SlipSlidinAway · 09/09/2023 22:14

Oysterbabe · 09/09/2023 22:12

Of course not, don't be so fucking ridiculous.

Thirding this

ToughFuss · 09/09/2023 22:14

Such a daft idea. I’m so sorry your dog won’t be with you much longer but this isn’t a good plan.

Dotcheck · 09/09/2023 22:14

Nope.

I’ve been in that situation with 2 dogs recently. One went very peacefully, the other fought it. It was really traumatic and I’ve never told my children how their beloved pet went, and they were over 18.

Being there for a pet when it is the end is really hard, even for grown ups.
It would be irresponsible to take a small child.

Nopenopenopenopenopenope · 09/09/2023 22:16

My argument against it is that it might give them false expectations of what death is. Death isn't usually as kind as euthanasia.

Toomanyclothesinthecloset · 09/09/2023 22:17

No, just no

Shouldbehoovering · 09/09/2023 22:17

My son was there when we had our dog put down. He was about 18kg months old and the dog was out down at home (by the vet). He was very attached to the dog, but just came and gave her hug and toddler off again. I have no regrets about him being there. I also don’t remember him being at all affected by us all bawling your eyes out.

Outwiththenorm · 09/09/2023 22:19

It’s not even the idea of your child being at your dog’s passing, which will hopefully be peaceful enough - it’s the idea of you exposing your really raw grief to a young child unnecessarily, unless you are robots.

BakedTattie · 09/09/2023 22:19

Wtf, no!

I was 30 when my dog was pts and it played on me for ages. It’s not a pleasant experience. They make noises you don’t expect and the body can move etc.

no way i would ever put my child through that.

SevenOhOne · 09/09/2023 22:21

This is a bad idea and could well be distressing for your son and your dog.

Potentialmadcatlady · 09/09/2023 22:21

For the dogs sake no… your focus needs to be on him as he goes…

Beamur · 09/09/2023 22:21

Really not a good idea. For so many reasons.

RightOnTheEdge · 09/09/2023 22:22

No way! It's a horrible idea.
It was bad enough for me having to be with my cat when she was pts. I would never have wanted my children to go through that.

Astrak · 09/09/2023 22:22

Uneccessary trauma for both child and dog.
I really hope that you don't go through with such an ill- thought-out plan.

itsmylife7 · 09/09/2023 22:22

Absolutely not !

MoxieFox · 09/09/2023 22:23

Our 3.5 year old son knows what death is.

He can’t. He’s too young to really know the permanence of it or that everyone and everything dies. Don’t have him present to watch the family dog actually die in front of his eyes. He’s too young to understand euthanasia as a mercy.

Stripeysailor · 09/09/2023 22:23

I think they are a bit young to go and see the death myself. I would probably go yourself then you don’t have to worry about others emotions and passing on your anxieties or upsets.
Maybe wait a few days and say the dog is at the vets as he is very poorly.
I’d suggest taking a photo of your dog afterwards, looking peaceful so that you can show them when you’re emotionally ready, if needed and you can say how peaceful and happy they were not to be in pain anymore. Young children need things simplified like this.
Good luck x

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 09/09/2023 22:25

Utterly, utterly unreasonable, @Mr85.

I sincerely hope you will rethink this idiotic plan.

AnicecupofBordeaux · 09/09/2023 22:25

Also, it's not as the dog will die naturally. You would be taking them to see somebody kill their dog/family member (since you're saying you're all pack/family). Adults understand we euthanise animals but it's pretty confusing for a three year old that is just starting to understand death and not hurting others.

Excited101 · 09/09/2023 22:25

Massively inappropriate, I’m floored that this is actually being considered.