Page 3 | To have toddler at dog euthanasia

Mr85 · 2023-09-09T21:07:29+00:00

Our dog is now approaching the end and it won't be long until we have to make the call we all dread 😔 Our 3.5 year old son knows what death is. My wife recently lost her grandfather, who he knew a little, but didn't attend the funeral. He did attend my Nan's burial, although he never met her, and acted impecebally. We've explained that the dog is ill, might not get better and may soon die. When he heard this he teared up and gave him a hug saying he didn't want him to die and he'll miss him so we know he understands what is going to happen. My wife and I have slightly conflicting views but which are close enough that we could do either with the others blessing. I think our son should be there as he is part of the pack/family and it's a part of life. My wife thinks he is a little too young and it might cause him too much additional upset. We've already decided what to do as, let's face it, using MN to make big life decisions is not the best idea. I'm just curious as to what everybody thinks. I think our 3.5 year old son should be there: AIBU?

Whyohwhyohwhy123 · 09/09/2023 22:48

You have to think of the dog. The dog needs you to comfort it, hold it and make sure it’s dying is as easy as possible.
We keep sheep and chickens (both like to die) and neither of mine have seen one do the actual dying. They’ve seen them alive and occasionally a dead one and that results in endless questions about what death is, how it happens, does it hurt, why did it die and so on for days.

Rossannah · 09/09/2023 22:50

I think it's a shit idea. You have notice of this, you can spend time together as a family. Get a little bucket list together. Go to doggies favourite park, visit the beach, go to mackies drive through, get him a happy meal. So many things you could do with the kid.
My dog was young and very rapidly poorly and went from healthy to pts within 2 days. I got my kids who were toddlers at the time to spend time with him on the last day and we played his favourite songs, danced with him, took photos, fed him cheese and chocolate. My mom took the kids out and I held him at the last moments. It was so sad but I'm glad we spent that time with him. No need for them to be there at the last point

TyneTeas · 09/09/2023 22:50

It's not always peaceful. The howl they sometimes let out as their last isn't a great last memory.

Don't do it OP

UnsolicitedOpinions · 09/09/2023 22:52

I used to work at a Vet’s surgery when I was a teenager. One day they asked me to just hold a dog’s leg for them while they put a needle in. Once it was in and I was still holding the dog it started thrashing around and making the most horrendous noises. I was worried and asked what was wrong with it. They said “Oh don’t worry - it’s just death throes!”

I was surprised they weren’t more concerned about this. I had thought they were anaesthetising the dog for surgery, but they didn’t tell me they were actually euthanising it!

Anyway, the point is that it was a very unpleasant and quite shocking experience and I can still remember it clearly 30 years later.

So no, I don’t think it would be a good experience for a 3 year old.

Cillmantain · 09/09/2023 22:53

Awful idea.

WhiteArsenic · 09/09/2023 22:54

I'm also a vet and completely agree with the PP vet. 2 other points- a) do be careful with the language you use about this- don't say "going to sleep" or any euphemism that may confuse your toddler about other unrelated things. I always said "helped to die" with my own now adult children, which isn't confusing, is clear, true, and helps them get used to the idea that death = not coming back. And b) be aware that your own reaction may surprise you and that you will need to hold it together a bit for the dog's sake- what if the toddler starts acting up at the crucial moment? Not fair on anyone.

To the pp who said "please do it at home" - I know you mean well and home euthanasia can be lovely, but it's not always possible for various reasons (cost, danger, other circumstances) and other people for whom it's not an option don't need extra guilt. Most euthanasias go smoothly wherever they happen, and the animal doesn't know what's happening.

User23452 · 09/09/2023 22:54

Isn’t that the point though @SarahAndQuack you don’t know that they’re going to witness a peaceful death, and a child doesn’t know what they’re potentially in for and can’t say whether or not they want the experience.

CinnamonJellyBeans · 09/09/2023 22:55

If you think it's going to be better at home, rather than the vets, then you are wrong.

The at-home vet service doesn't do the shaving and canula bit. The vital part that means it happens quickly. They need the nurse for that.

The at-home service injects a sedative, then you wait...You tell Fido you love him, then the vet injects the drug into a kidney, then you wait...you tell Fido you love him again, wait some more. Fido just lies there breathing quickly, breathing slowly, making odd noises, little coughs and pants, but definitely not dead. Another injection...still not dead. Telling Fido you love him is getting a bit repetitive and you just wish he'd get on with it and die already. Vet tries to make small talk, a glare silences him and you get back to telling Fido you love him (impatiently), while he makes more funny noises and struggles to breathe. The vet optimistically takes out his stethoscope to listen for a heartbeat and you scathingly tell him: "No, I think he's definitely still alive". It takes ages and is not nice. It would be far worse for the dog with a whining toddler.

Why would you put a toddler through that? As well as the dog? Take the poor dog to the clinic and give him some dignity.

SpamFrittersYouSay · 09/09/2023 22:56

I , unfortunately, had to have my two year old at the vets when my dog howled near the end.
Thank goodness we weren't present, just in the waiting room.
That was bad enough.

Why would you expose your young child to this? Do you see it as a right if passage?

Bonkers.

lentilrice · 09/09/2023 22:59

I was very upset when I had to put my cat to sleep. It felt awful, to be honest. I wouldn’t put a child through it.

XenoBitch · 09/09/2023 23:02

YABU
Witnessing any sort of death should not be a learning experience for a small child.
In this instance, the comfort of the dog should be the priority. I hope your pooch has a safe passing.

Starlightstarbright2 · 09/09/2023 23:02

I am in my 50’s and remember been made to look at ( say goodbye) to my dead rabbit age 7… it am image that still haunts me and I was 7… just no need..

carly2803 · 09/09/2023 23:02

massively inappropriate - no no no!!

I have had dogs pts at home and the vets (home more peaceful)! but its still bloody traumatic -

they also gasp once they are technically dead - its awful

dont be so daft - the child does not need to be there.

matter of fact tell them dog is going to heaven etc, do ti while they are out, few tears but at 3.5 they will be ok - trust me!

Ginann · 09/09/2023 23:04

Wow.

How to really damage your child long term.

StarDolphins · 09/09/2023 23:06

For me, it’s not our dog passing that would traumatise my DD )although she’ll be devastated as she adores him& has grown up with him) but seeing me so utterly heartbroken would really, really leave lasting upset for her & it’s something I won’t be able to hide.

I think you’re being unreasonable.

XenoBitch · 09/09/2023 23:06

CinnamonJellyBeans · 09/09/2023 22:55

If you think it's going to be better at home, rather than the vets, then you are wrong.

The at-home vet service doesn't do the shaving and canula bit. The vital part that means it happens quickly. They need the nurse for that.

The at-home service injects a sedative, then you wait...You tell Fido you love him, then the vet injects the drug into a kidney, then you wait...you tell Fido you love him again, wait some more. Fido just lies there breathing quickly, breathing slowly, making odd noises, little coughs and pants, but definitely not dead. Another injection...still not dead. Telling Fido you love him is getting a bit repetitive and you just wish he'd get on with it and die already. Vet tries to make small talk, a glare silences him and you get back to telling Fido you love him (impatiently), while he makes more funny noises and struggles to breathe. The vet optimistically takes out his stethoscope to listen for a heartbeat and you scathingly tell him: "No, I think he's definitely still alive". It takes ages and is not nice. It would be far worse for the dog with a whining toddler.

Why would you put a toddler through that? As well as the dog? Take the poor dog to the clinic and give him some dignity.

That is your experience. Many people opt for at home euthanasia and have found it a positive experience for them and their beloved pet.
I know when the time comes, I will opt for at home for my dog... as she gets very stressed at the vets.
Please don't come on to MN and tell us that at home is terrible, when it is far from the truth.

Ponderingwindow · 09/09/2023 23:07

Understanding death and understanding euthanasia are very different. You don’t want your 3.5 year old to start associated doctors with killing. We glossed over how the cat actually died when dd was 3. When another got very old when she was 10 we let her know what was happening, but still didn’t bring her to the actual appointment.

LunaMay · 09/09/2023 23:07

SpamFrittersYouSay · 09/09/2023 22:56

I , unfortunately, had to have my two year old at the vets when my dog howled near the end.
Thank goodness we weren't present, just in the waiting room.
That was bad enough.

Why would you expose your young child to this? Do you see it as a right if passage?

Bonkers.

Aww was someone in with them?

I literally went through this last week. Took my girl to the vet.

Honestly the worse part was the waiting, we didn't go in for nearly an hour due to them being behind. I'm glad i took a blanket with me so she could be comfortable in the waiting room but it was a bit traumatic for me. I don't understand why they didnt put us to the head of the que when they knew why we were there.

The actual procedure, he couldn't inject in the first leg he tried. I had to hold her while he tried and she panicked a bit. He called a nurse in to help hold her back leg while he tried that which meant there was blood dripping from the first.
She did go quickly once that was done, in fact i didnt notice the exact moment because i was watching her and for some unknown reason i was waiting for her to close her eyes because duh- she was getting put to sleep. No noises or thrashing about but it still plays on my mind.

Original poster

Mr85 · 09/09/2023 23:07

CinnamonJellyBeans · 09/09/2023 22:55

If you think it's going to be better at home, rather than the vets, then you are wrong.

The at-home vet service doesn't do the shaving and canula bit. The vital part that means it happens quickly. They need the nurse for that.

The at-home service injects a sedative, then you wait...You tell Fido you love him, then the vet injects the drug into a kidney, then you wait...you tell Fido you love him again, wait some more. Fido just lies there breathing quickly, breathing slowly, making odd noises, little coughs and pants, but definitely not dead. Another injection...still not dead. Telling Fido you love him is getting a bit repetitive and you just wish he'd get on with it and die already. Vet tries to make small talk, a glare silences him and you get back to telling Fido you love him (impatiently), while he makes more funny noises and struggles to breathe. The vet optimistically takes out his stethoscope to listen for a heartbeat and you scathingly tell him: "No, I think he's definitely still alive". It takes ages and is not nice. It would be far worse for the dog with a whining toddler.

Why would you put a toddler through that? As well as the dog? Take the poor dog to the clinic and give him some dignity.

Sorry to hear about your experiences, it's horrible. My previous pets were euthanised at the vets. Maybe this is something else we have to think about

OP posts:

LilyLemonade · 09/09/2023 23:08

I'm all for involving children in all rites of passage and life events but in a child-appropriate way. The idea of having a child witness a pet pts is exceedingly disturbing, I cannot understand why you would actively choose to put your child through it.

SarahAndQuack · 09/09/2023 23:08

User23452 · 09/09/2023 22:54

Isn’t that the point though @SarahAndQuack you don’t know that they’re going to witness a peaceful death, and a child doesn’t know what they’re potentially in for and can’t say whether or not they want the experience.

Yes, of course that's the point - that's why there are so many posters saying so, including me.

Enthusedeggplant · 09/09/2023 23:10

Well I am a farm kid and grew up seeing everything. I think all of my kids saw at least one dog being out to sleep - needs must sometimes. They all voluntarily came to take care of the final dog at his end so it doesn’t seem to have done them any harm.
my dogs have all been out to sleep at the vets - often too big or no home service speedily available. It’s not a bad thing.

Missingmyusername · 09/09/2023 23:10

CinnamonJellyBeans · 09/09/2023 22:10

Your vet will probably not allow such a foolish idea anyway.

Yeah they will.

CinnamonJellyBeans · 09/09/2023 23:11

The home version IS different, unless the vet brings an actual nurse to your house.

I've done both at-home types:

With a nurse (cannula into vein) = instantaneous
Without a nurse: Minimum of two injections into next and directly into kidney. Takes longer to circulate round the body and longer to die.

The at-home services, recommended by the vet up-thread are type number 2. And without the nurse, it takes ages.

Fallingthroughclouds · 09/09/2023 23:11

Why on earth would you put him through this? It is not one of life's important lessons to watch a beloved pet die when you're 3. It could be traumatic, it's hard enough for an adult. Don't inflict this on your son, it seems cruel.