To have toddler at dog euthanasia

[Mr85]

Our dog is now approaching the end and it won't be long until we have to make the call we all dread 😔

Our 3.5 year old son knows what death is. My wife recently lost her grandfather, who he knew a little, but didn't attend the funeral. He did attend my Nan's burial, although he never met her, and acted impecebally.

We've explained that the dog is ill, might not get better and may soon die. When he heard this he teared up and gave him a hug saying he didn't want him to die and he'll miss him so we know he understands what is going to happen.

My wife and I have slightly conflicting views but which are close enough that we could do either with the others blessing. I think our son should be there as he is part of the pack/family and it's a part of life. My wife thinks he is a little too young and it might cause him too much additional upset.

We've already decided what to do as, let's face it, using MN to make big life decisions is not the best idea. I'm just curious as to what everybody thinks.

I think our 3.5 year old son should be there: AIBU?

I went with my gran to get her cat put to sleep when I was 9 years old. I ran out crying. I have no idea why she allowed me to witness it, and I still remember it very clearly to this day.
Just no. Children remember traumatic things, and your child especially wouldn’t be able to process it as an adult would. It’s not worth it.
But if you want your child to be scarred, by all means go ahead.

This

It’s an appalling idea.

Bloody hell absolutely not

Trauma

Nightmares

A whole host of MH issues

I agree with this.

I had a dog that fought it too and it was really awful. Played on my mind for years, even though I knew it was the right thing. It's not as uncommon as people think. I wasn't a peaceful end, and it would be awful for a young child to witness.

Definitely not.

Also you never know what's around the corner.
We had a cat put down when DD1 was about five. She wasn't there obviously. But I explained it was like when doctors make people go to sleep for operations but they give a bit more drugs so they go to sleep forever and it's very peaceful.
The next week she broke her arm and had to have it set under anaesthetic - they initially thought it would need pinning. She said "what if they give me too much, like George?" I said "they won't".
"But what if they do???"

So that was a silly explanation I had given at the time.

Not a chance. It's not always peaceful and simply going to sleep. I wouldn't want to risk a young child witnessing that.

It was actually very traumatic for me as an adult as my beloved dog didn't pass peacefully from the injection.

He howled in pain the whole time. I'm crying now, just thinking about it. This was 8 years ago.

Do not do this.

This has got to have been a wind up, surely? In what fucked up parenting world would you do this?

My eyesight isn't great and I've just (slightly) misread the OPs name as MrBS...

A similar experience here. Our cat reached the end and we made the decision to euthanise at home when our daughter (then 3.5 years) was at nursery.

On the day DD was running a temperature and had to stay at home. My mum took her to play in her room while it happened and I'm glad she did because our poor cat fought it. It upset me terribly to witness that and I would never want a small child to see it.

I've just had a tear writing about our cat, who was similarly squealing and fighting. 12 years ago for us.

It’s inappropriate. That covers so many situations.

I can't think of anything worse than a mollycoddled preschooler. Did he have to get time off work to come?

It sounds like an exellent idea, if you want to give you child PTSD!

This is nearly as ridiculous as Hyacinth Bucket hiring a car earlier on, must be something to do with the sun or heat today...

Distressing for the dog (and takes your focus away from him) if toddler is crying which previous reaction suggests he might - and also potentially distressing for your toddler if his mum and dad are upset. Don't do it.

Your son doesn't need to be there at the actual moment of death. It might not be nice, the dog might struggle, void his bowels, etc.

Why not compromise by letting your DS see / stroke the lifeless dog to say goodbye? See how he looks the same, but is cold and stiff. Maybe you could curl the dog up in a box or his basket and pick some flowers to lay around him.

If I was a bystander in your life and heard you subjected your child (and dog) to this awful plan I would absolutely report you to social services. Awful.

No. You don’t know how it’s going to go and a 3.5 year old should remember their dog alive and say goodbye.

Also when we euthanised our dog we (all adults) were overcome with grief in the end and even the vet nurse cried. It would be very wrong to subject a child that age to this.

I'm not a vet, but have had experience of three dogs being euthanised, one at home, one in a car outside the vet clinic, and one inside the clinic. They were all the same, there was no canula, they were injected via a vein in their front leg, and it took only very short time for them to go. While this poster has obviously had a distressing experience, they are not an expert.

3 year olds are quite literal in thinking no matter how advanced you may think they are. My first thought would be that they’d think seeing an injection killing an animal would mean an injection kills so creating a fear of injections.

Totally different attending a burial than witnessing a death! They wouldn’t understand at that age that there is a real dead body in the coffin!

Also definitely agree your full attention should be on comforting your dog not on watching how your 3 year old copes with it which is what you’d have to do.

I hope you allow your DC to say goodbye to the dog while it’s still alive and the next thing they know is putting something on it’s grave if you’re burying the dog in your garden?

They have no need to become desensitised to seeing dead animals at 3 years old unless you expect them to become a farmer or an abattoir worker!

Our 3.5 year old son knows what death is.

He knows the concept. He doesn't have to see it. I think you're insane to consider subjecting him to this.

It also seems that you do not know what death is - have not witnessed dying - either. Leave the poor little fellow out of it.

Awful ridiculous idea

You as the parents / adults should shoulder this for your child surely? What good can come from this?

I can’t even tbh

Don't you like your child or something op?

What a daft and sadistic idea.

Take a parenting and child development course.

You truly need it.

I am all for telling children the truth about death, but yeah this isn't a good idea.

Your dog may well not pass quickly and peacefully.

Those present need to be present, not minding a child and the child needs someone present for him, not focusing on the dog... unless you have the ability to be two people at the same time - you do not - you cannot do this.

Also, please drop the idea that a dog being euthanised without an owner present is suffering - this is bullshit, and its bullshit that can do harm, making people more reluctant to make a decision they know they can't handle being present for, which causes more suffering to the animal in the long run.

An animal being euthanised by an overdose knows the same as an animal being put under general anaesthetic.... and no one is suggesting you need be there for all of those (and many vets would not permit it in any case).

Has to be a wind up

@Mr85 If it's Home Euthanasia then let the vet do the necessary procedure {I had my soulmate first dog PTS at home and my much older son could not bear to be in the same room, he was sobbing {quietly} in the loo}

Son couldn't even bear to see her body afterwards.

The Euthanasia itself was so gentle, Home euthanasia if you can afford it is definitely the way to go.

I'd say don't let such a young child watch, but he could view the body afterwards, briefly.

But he might think the dog is just asleep.

It's the worst part of pet ownership- having to make this call.

Edit: Keep things calm and gentle for the dog's sake. No dramas.