To have toddler at dog euthanasia

[Mr85]

Our dog is now approaching the end and it won't be long until we have to make the call we all dread 😔

Our 3.5 year old son knows what death is. My wife recently lost her grandfather, who he knew a little, but didn't attend the funeral. He did attend my Nan's burial, although he never met her, and acted impecebally.

We've explained that the dog is ill, might not get better and may soon die. When he heard this he teared up and gave him a hug saying he didn't want him to die and he'll miss him so we know he understands what is going to happen.

My wife and I have slightly conflicting views but which are close enough that we could do either with the others blessing. I think our son should be there as he is part of the pack/family and it's a part of life. My wife thinks he is a little too young and it might cause him too much additional upset.

We've already decided what to do as, let's face it, using MN to make big life decisions is not the best idea. I'm just curious as to what everybody thinks.

I think our 3.5 year old son should be there: AIBU?

"And obviously, the last goodbye before the dog goes to the vet, but actually in the room??? No way"

Op said they are getting it done at home. The 3 year old child's safe haven, so every time they look in the space where it happened they can remember thats where they saw their dog die.

@TheLadyInWestminsterAbbey
Thank you for posting that. It is so important.
I developed a needle/hospital and doctor phobia by being taken to ICU every day for months when I was 5 because a relative was in there, first of all in a coma, and then she began to recover. Back in those days no one thought it was a problem to let a child see someone wired up to machines, with a tracheotomy, shaved head, visible head injuries.
It has blighted my life.
I avoided all medical treatment, including dentistry, all vaccinations, all blood tests for 30 years.
I am doing well now. I can get vaccines (covid was my first vaccine since I was a kid). I have had a blood test. And I recently had an operation which involved an IV and I managed it.
BUT it has cost every last bit of mental strength to be able to get this far and I have lived in terror for years.
So yeah, I would advise anyone, very strongly, against letting their child see anything like that in those vulnerable years of early childhood where they can understand some things, but not everything, and can end up traumatized.

No way in hell anyone should be letting a small child watch a dog being euthanized with a lethal injection because the risk of them forever associating an injection with death is far too great.

Makes it even worse doesn't it.
My cats were pts at the vet and I still find it hard to take the other cats there to the room where my other cats died.

I apologise as I haven’t read the entire thread , however I will add my experience in case it helps . The day we had to have our beloved dog PTS we were only expecting to go to the vets to collect results from tests . We had called in advance to make sure of this as we took our two young children with us , and wouldn’t have if we had to have her PTS that day .

However once we arrived the vets advised us that she had an incurable condition and PTS there and then would be kindest.

My husband was then alone with her while I looked after the children in the car . He honestly says to this day it’s the most traumatic thing he has dealt with . She was a large dog , and when she was sedated , her legs buckled and gave way against him . I don’t want to write too much as when we loose our pets it’s a hard enough time without negative stories .

However this was around 20 years ago and he really isn’t the sort of person to be effected by much , but this still does play on his mind . There is no way I would take a young child in with me .

Completely irresponsible idea. Thank god your wife has some sense.

@Gjendefloooo
I am so sorry you have suffered this. It sounds awful. And probably your parents were more focused on their relative in ITU and not thinking too much about the effect on you.
It's a very difficult phobia that does impact life for the worse long term.
I'm so glad you have been able to have treatment you needed in recent times, well done. Maybe it's worth enquiring about further counselling or something ? although obviously we all know how difficult it is to get any useful help of that sort via the NHS.

I can also relate something similar that has affected my nephew, with an eating disorder. Sister in law ascribes it to him visiting his grandmother in hospital after she had a stroke and watching her being fed and having a choking episode. 😱
He does eat - he's a good weight but has lots of things he won't eat , particular textures etc. so quite a limited diet and won't eat in public/social situations etc.

These sorts of events can really impact small children and it's not easy to deal with afterwards.

I was always given the option of going with my mum to the vets for a PTS but not sure until I was older (can't remember how old). I'm not actually sure if the rabbits etc prior to that just passed away or if they were taken to be PTS

We used to bury them in the garden so if they'd been at the vets I'd get a chance to give them a stroke goodbye once the deed had been done/ have a chat to them

I did actually use to decline when my mum offered it when I was older as I preferred to last see them alive, again when older (probably teenager) I was involved in the decision process as I was starting to be able to see for myself, especially with my childhood cat that it was time. I think it helped me deal with it better, especially as my mum always used to say at least animals we can offer PTS for them, humans you have to leave to suffer that has always stuck with me. OH used to come home even when he was older to it having been done and I think he'd find them harder to deal with, he also didn't have any small furries growing up so hadn't experienced it as much

The first PTS I saw in person was our 1 year old moggy with fip when we had our own house. I was also present for my horse. I was shocked by how peaceful both were.

I don't have children but I'd be very inclined to arrange the PTS for when your toddler is out the house e.g. at activity with someone or nursery etc. He can then say goodbye to him when he gets back, give him a nice stroke etc, if you feel he would be ok with it

I wouldn't deem him old enough to be at the actual PTS as

1. I'd be concerned he's still too young to truly understand and would worry he'd develop a fear of needles and think he was about to be PTS each time he had an injection as he'd associate needles with it

2. I would want to be able to let my tears flow and cry freely without needing to feel I had to be strong for him

I'd involve him in creating some lovely memories of the dog perhaps a photo album to remember him by and drawing a nice picture of him etc. There is a Mog book which covers Mog dying, forever Mog however no way could I read this to a child as I dared look at one page once and bawled my eyes out

@Mr85 - what is your response to the posters who have raised very good reasons as to why this is such a bad idea?

• your dog might be very distressed which would traumatise your child.
• seeing the dog have an injection and die might give your child crippling needle phobia.
• if your child becomes upset, your dog might not get your full attention - which is what they deserve.

It's not as clear cut as this. We had our old boy euthanised at home. We had a nurse and a vet. He took forever to die. He had to be reinjected more than once. At the end of nearly an hour, the vet confessed they had run out of whatever the drug they were using was, had appointments at the surgery very soon and would have to take Jack back to the surgery to, in effect, "finish him off" there. It was awful and I found it absolutely traumatising. I've had pets put to sleep before, and always been with them, but this was all kinds of horrible.
OP, please reconsider. Could you guarantee you could keep your child sitting quietly for nearly an hour while everyone held their breath and gazed at a dog, waiting for it to die? Would you be happy to be the one not be with your dog and reassuring it in the way you envisage, because you have to take your child out of the room?
Your child will have happy memories of the dog. That's all that's necessary.

I think the OP was just looking for validation. He certainly doesn't seem bothered about considering all the posts here stating he is unreasonable.

His poor child. I hope the toddler isn't scarred for life.

This is exactly why so many of our children at school suffer with anxiety. People keep asking why this generation are different to when we grew up. It’s because they know too much.

As a child, we were pretty much kept in the dark. Purely because our families hid us from a lot of worries and protected us.

I lost my mum as a child and whilst I knew I was visiting her in hospital, I had no idea why. Apart from that, I had a great childhood.

Children now see it all. Parents share everything with them: their money worries and how the cost of living is effecting them, or when a parent loses their job. They argue in front of them but don’t seem to let the child know why or explain why they’ve made up.

This young child doesn’t need to watch their beloved pet put to sleep. They should just remember the dog how it was. Having watched my dog pts last year, I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. I’ve still not given the details to my husband or adult children, as there’s no need for them to know.

No, no, no! I can’t believe you are actually asking the question.

I'm sorry you lost your cat, but honestly you need to get a grip! A beloved pet doesn't have any idea that it is being put to sleep, to them it is just another visit to the vet. I love animals, probably more than people if I'm honest, but attributing human thought processes to a pet is nonsense.

If my memory serves me correctly I've lived through something like three dogs and nine or ten cats being PTS and never once have I regretted it. (Before anyone asks what on earth I am doing to these pets, we always adopted older pets, only one was a kitten when she joined us). I've never had one die naturally at home, and would find that worse.

@givemeasunnyday thanks for that
boot on a Monday morning!
im sure you’re right. I too prefer animals mostly.

This site gives a good overview of what to expect

https://pawsintograce.com/is-dog-euthanasia-painful/#:~:text=They%20may%20react%20to%20the,a%20smooth%20and%20gentle%20process.

Nope. I was never allowed at family dogs appointments and at 37 had to put my first dog down.

It was traumatic for me - especially the agonal breathing.

I don't know why you would be considering doing this. The child is so young.

@givemeasunnyday - like you, I have never regretted having a pet put to sleep - as we all know, there comes a point when it is the right and compassionate decision to make. But it is still painful to watch. We have only had one pet die without us - our dog was ill, and when dh took her to the vet, he kept her in, to put her on IV fluids and run tests, but sadly she slipped away while dh was driving home. It was still painful, but in a different way.

Sorry for not posting for a while, the past couple of days have been busier than expected. Thank-you to everyone that has posted, there has been a lot of useful information. Especially those who have described difficult experiences, it can't be easy typing them out effectively reliving them again.

As I said in my opening post we had already decided what to do so there was no trying to get validation for either side. I just didn't want to influence the responses.

I am surprised that nobody asked what he thought about it.

We sat him down and explained as best as we could, in simple straightforward terms, what would happen and why. He asked some questions that showed he had understood enough to be able to make the decision. He said he would prefer to not be there so that is what we'll do.

This was before some of the horror stories on here so if he comes to us having changed his mind between now and then (we had better news from the vets today so it might be longer than we feared) we will have to discuss this with him, or maybe even take the choice away from him if he does not understand.

I am surprised that nobody asked what he thought about it

😂 Seriously? He's 3. I don't care how much you think he understands. Why don't you try doing the parenting instead of putting adult decisions on to your pre-schooler

This has to be a wind up 😂 another planet

Nobody asked because hes 3. This isnt a "were having sandwiches do you want ham or cheese" decision, which at that age should be the most worrying choice they have to make for themselves.

He doesn't get a say in this sort of matter. Our job as parents is to make decisions for our children that are in their best interests (and the dogs/yours in this case). Especially as it is absolutely certain this would backfire in some way.

Glad to hear its not really bad news for now and I hope you have a lot of happy days ahead with your pooch.

What? Surprised that nobody asked what the child wanted???

Sweet Jesus, poor child, having to choose over this kind of options and similar ones at 3 and onwards is the perfect recipe to end up with a very stressed and highly strung child.

Children need someone to care and protect them, someone to take the difficult decisions and to watch over them. They do not really know what they want or what that would mean at that age, you are supposed to act like a parent, not a colleague, for a reason.

3 year olds don't get to make the decisions when one of the options is quite clearly batshit and damaging.

I hope your dog does better than you were expecting, OP.