To "let" DH take 15 week old baby out???

[newmum002]

Hi

I feel like I'm going insane and now I'm questioning everything.

My DH is a great Dad, hands on and adores our DD. She is 15 weeks old and a few times, when he plays football on a Tuesday night he offers to drop her at his Mum's on the way and pick her up on the way back so that I can have 2-3 hours of time to myself.

He passes his Mum's and they love spending time with her and they regularly come to see her and spend time with her, they've always said they will have her whenever for us when they're home from work.

I told a friend about this and said the last 3 weeks she has gone to Nan & Grandads for a few hours (6-9pm), that I have a nice long bath or shower and maybe read for a little bit or watch something on Netflix and she looked at me like I was mad and said that there is no way she'd "let" her partner take their one year old out for a few hours without her, let alone the baby being without the Dad too, that she is too young to be away from either parents at 15 weeks old for the 2 hours he is gone to play football.

It's really playing on my mind and now I'm wondering whether I am being unkind to our DD by leaving her for some time with her Grandparents so that I can have a couple of hours to relax. DD is my whole world and we spend 99% of the time together and suddenly I feel really guilty.

Grandparents send me a photo or video of her smiling or playing with one of the toys they've got for her at their house and always say she is a joy to have.

This is my first baby, I spent a lot of time with my grandparents and loved it, now I'm wondering if she's too young? Friend has made me doubt myself.

Your friend is being bloody ridiculous. You’re doing nothing wrong!

Absolute nonsense she sounds anxious. I'd only be nervous if exclusively breastfed and it was a longer stint. He's her father, it says far more about her and her choice of partner that she doesn't trust her baby's father than it does about you

Yanbu!!
it sounds great. Ignore your friend.

Well I certainly wouldn’t do it but obviously YMMV.

Why not?

@TheBarbieEffect purely out of interest and different opinions, why wouldn't you do it?

Of course it’s fine. Your dh is her father and is perfectly capable of transporting your baby. His parents are also having a nice time. If
it works for you, it’s all good.

This set up sounds great!

Ignore, crack on with relaxed family life. Happy mum, happy baby.

She wont let the father take his own baby out? Oh, she's in for a world of pain when she's desperate for a break in the years to come.

Providing you, dad and baby are all happy with the set up, keep going! Sounds great to me.

I was about to ask the same @TheBarbieEffect Why not?

@arabellaL I tried and failed to breastfeed, I just wasn't producing enough milk so I just pack a bottle and some formula for her x

OP, did you ask your friend why?

Your friend is probably jealous

Your friend is suffering from quiet severe anxiety there, which is good for no one, including her kids.

You are being normal.

Your friend is... well, my instinctive response is "bonkers", but let's compassionately say that she is struggling with detaching a bit and sharing control, which ultimately will not help any of her, her DC, and her DH. In a few years she may well be on here moaning that her DH does nothing with the DC, and it'll be like... no shit. You refused to allow him to parent and treated your baby like a toy you wouldn't share.

What you're doing works for everyone and you were perfectly happy with it. Carry on.

God I would kill for this! Your inlaws sound great. Ignore your friend.

Your friend is batshit.
You keep doing what you're doing

Plenty of women think like this.
It’s honestly baffling to me though.

The best piece of advice I’ve ever heard is “don’t be the baby expert” and this is a prime example. The mothers who “don’t let” the father do anything alone with the baby when they are tiny end up doing everything and being miserable a few years in.

Being a mum is bloody hard enough, without your friends judgement. Enjoy it, you are doing nothing wrong

What's weird is that your DH is getting an evening to himself and passing his DD to his parents to look after. It is genuinely lovely that you have nice PIL's though.

When is your chance to do some gentle activity and when does he parent his child alone?

It sounds lovely to me. Enjoy having some free time and involved but not overstepping grandparents.

I can't imagine having a child with someone I wouldn't trust to look after a baby alone.

It's a great setup that you've got going.

Your friend sounds extremely anxious, which is a shame for her, her child and her partner. Hopefully, she chills out a bit as the baby grows up or can get some help.

Sounds the perfect set up for you, DH, in laws and DD.

Enjoy it.

Love it when I read about people doing normal parenting here in MN! Sadly, it's a rarity!

Sounds brilliant. Your baby is not distressed by it, her and her grandparents are getting a bit of valuable bonding time, you're getting time to relax a bit, win win! If anything changes, reassess, but for now, crack on!