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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To "let" DH take 15 week old baby out???

359 replies

newmum002 · 09/09/2023 09:37

Hi

I feel like I'm going insane and now I'm questioning everything.

My DH is a great Dad, hands on and adores our DD. She is 15 weeks old and a few times, when he plays football on a Tuesday night he offers to drop her at his Mum's on the way and pick her up on the way back so that I can have 2-3 hours of time to myself.

He passes his Mum's and they love spending time with her and they regularly come to see her and spend time with her, they've always said they will have her whenever for us when they're home from work.

I told a friend about this and said the last 3 weeks she has gone to Nan & Grandads for a few hours (6-9pm), that I have a nice long bath or shower and maybe read for a little bit or watch something on Netflix and she looked at me like I was mad and said that there is no way she'd "let" her partner take their one year old out for a few hours without her, let alone the baby being without the Dad too, that she is too young to be away from either parents at 15 weeks old for the 2 hours he is gone to play football.

It's really playing on my mind and now I'm wondering whether I am being unkind to our DD by leaving her for some time with her Grandparents so that I can have a couple of hours to relax. DD is my whole world and we spend 99% of the time together and suddenly I feel really guilty.

Grandparents send me a photo or video of her smiling or playing with one of the toys they've got for her at their house and always say she is a joy to have.

This is my first baby, I spent a lot of time with my grandparents and loved it, now I'm wondering if she's too young? Friend has made me doubt myself.

OP posts:
Original poster
newmum002 · 09/09/2023 09:45

Thanks everyone.

It just took me back a little bit, I felt myself try and justify it I was just kind of waffling "it's good for me to have a break" "it's nice for her grandparents to get one on one time" "surely it shows that she is a happy content baby that she is happy to be away from me for a while" and she was looking at me like I'm an alien and I just felt like an absolute shit mum after when I sat down and reflected.

She said she never felt like she needed a 3 hour break from her little one, a 15 minute shower was great and that was enough.

I don't particularly feel like I need hours away from DD but I trust DH and grandparents with her and it means I get to just relax and reset. We are lucky with DD, she's never really cried and she loves her sleep so I know I've had it "easy" compared to some parents.

Im just confused!

OP posts:
Youcancallmeirrelevant · 09/09/2023 09:45

megletthesecond · 09/09/2023 09:43

What's weird is that your DH is getting an evening to himself and passing his DD to his parents to look after. It is genuinely lovely that you have nice PIL's though.

When is your chance to do some gentle activity and when does he parent his child alone?

I don't think you've read the OP properly. The dad is playing football, so is busy, but drops baby to grandparents so mum can have a few hours to herself. Sounds like a perfect set up to me for 1 night a week

Hankunamatata · 09/09/2023 09:45

Sounds like a win win to me. You get some down time, grandparents get some baby time, baby gets grandparents snuggles.

fairyfluf · 09/09/2023 09:46

She doesnt get to "let" him look after his own child. That's bloody ridiculous

Merryoldgoat · 09/09/2023 09:46

Sounds brilliant.

My PIL has my son a day a week from
6 months until my mat leave finished and it was golden.

They are so close to my children because they were such a big part of life from day 1. I’d be lost without them.

fairyfluf · 09/09/2023 09:47

newmum002 · 09/09/2023 09:45

Thanks everyone.

It just took me back a little bit, I felt myself try and justify it I was just kind of waffling "it's good for me to have a break" "it's nice for her grandparents to get one on one time" "surely it shows that she is a happy content baby that she is happy to be away from me for a while" and she was looking at me like I'm an alien and I just felt like an absolute shit mum after when I sat down and reflected.

She said she never felt like she needed a 3 hour break from her little one, a 15 minute shower was great and that was enough.

I don't particularly feel like I need hours away from DD but I trust DH and grandparents with her and it means I get to just relax and reset. We are lucky with DD, she's never really cried and she loves her sleep so I know I've had it "easy" compared to some parents.

Im just confused!

Don't be. All babies are different and she's a judgey cow trying to tear you down.

VivaVivaa · 09/09/2023 09:47

megletthesecond · 09/09/2023 09:43

What's weird is that your DH is getting an evening to himself and passing his DD to his parents to look after. It is genuinely lovely that you have nice PIL's though.

When is your chance to do some gentle activity and when does he parent his child alone?

This is a really odd take on the situation. OP is getting an evening to herself as well. Why can’t both do an activity they want to do while inlaws have the baby? OP says herself he is a great dad. As far as we know he may regularly parent the baby on his own away from a Tuesday night.

kissthegirlshesnotbehindthedoor · 09/09/2023 09:48

Totally fine and I would actively encourage it! The in-laws sound fab and you will be very lucky in the years to come if they've had this early alone time with her and are experienced with her. They'll be absolutely loving it too, btw so it's a win-win.

My mum had my baby alone from an early age and then overnight from maybe 6months (bottle fed)!

Your friend is being too precious, I'm afraid.

Hufflepods · 09/09/2023 09:48

@megletthesecond What's weird is that your DH is getting an evening to himself and passing his DD to his parents to look after. It is genuinely lovely that you have nice PIL's though.

It’s not really weird though is it? What’s weird about grandparents looking after the baby for 3 hours? Both parents are allowed downtime.

Brefugee · 09/09/2023 09:48

Your friend is part of the reason women won't ever be treated equally.

Original poster
newmum002 · 09/09/2023 09:48

megletthesecond · 09/09/2023 09:43

What's weird is that your DH is getting an evening to himself and passing his DD to his parents to look after. It is genuinely lovely that you have nice PIL's though.

When is your chance to do some gentle activity and when does he parent his child alone?

DH has one to one time with her, he does the midnight and 5am feed on a Friday into Saturday so that I can have a proper rest. I enjoy getting a manicure and pedicure and eyebrows waxed once a month and I go off on a Saturday for a few hours and he spends time with her then and takes her and our dog out normally. He also does a couple of bath times a week etc.

OP posts:
KimberleyClark · 09/09/2023 09:48

You’re not insane she is. Some women do make rods for their own backs don’t they.

Curseofthenation · 09/09/2023 09:48

I wouldn't judge you but I couldn't have left my DS for that long at 15 weeks. He was BF and a more clingy baby by the sounds of it though! Perhaps your friend is resentful of the fact she didn't have an easier baby?

If I knew my DS would have been happy and content with my in laws at 15 weeks then I would have bitten their hand off.

Rosecoffeecup · 09/09/2023 09:49

Absolute nonsense. Sounds a great set up for all of you, grandparents included who probably relish getting to spend quality time with your baby.

Feel sorry for her husband tbh

LittleBearPad · 09/09/2023 09:49

Sounds lovely

“She said she never felt like she needed a 3 hour break from her little one, a 15 minute shower was great and that was enough.”

This however sounds highly unlikely. I think she’s trying to prove something to herself.

Starlightstarbright2 · 09/09/2023 09:49

I was a childminder I had babies as young as 6 weeks because parents needed to go to work .. socialising is really good for kids .. it’s one thing that is very apparent from lockdown.

one other thing to add - there are many , many ways to raise a child - very few wrong (abuse/neglect).. everyone suddenly thinks they have the right to an opinion on your parenting - trust your gut and do it your way.

a couple of hours to yourself whilst your baby is safe and well cared for - struggle to see any issue.

FinnRussell · 09/09/2023 09:50

Sounds like you are lucky enough to have a brilliant set up - enjoy it and I think it will be good for all of you.

Ducksinthebath · 09/09/2023 09:50

Sounds like you have a really positive and well balanced routine. Your friend is totally wrong to judge and question your approach. Keep doing what you’re doing and enjoying it.

ItstimeToMoveagain · 09/09/2023 09:50

Sounds great to me, dh gets to play football knowing you are getting a break as well, grandparents get to spend some time with baby and baby sounds happy with the situation

Your friend sounds a bit extreme not letting her dh take out her 1 year old

I've hadboth my younger dgc over night occasionally from your baby's age and they've both been perfectly happy

freetheunicorn1 · 09/09/2023 09:50

I think it is wonderful that your DD has loving grandparents that want to spend time with her.

I also think it is wonderful that you get some me time.

Great that your friend doesn't need time to herself but it is very healthy for children to get time with someone other mum all the time.

JFDIYOLO · 09/09/2023 09:50

It sounds like you have the perfect set up and balance and your DH and the DGPs sound fab

WandaWonder · 09/09/2023 09:50

I think the idea babies have to be glued to parents, alright mums as is appears they 'own' babies, is more because parents can't cope not the baby's

I had no issues, sure people don't want to fine but nothing I think needs to judge others for

Dulra · 09/09/2023 09:51

I think your friend has a bit of anxiety, I would have felt like her on my first unknowingly I was suffering with pnd and anytime the baby wasn't with me I was fretting and anxious completely defeating the purpose of having a break. On my second dd I was much more able to let my mum and dad take her, by my 3rd dd I would have handed her to anybody for a break 🤣
Sounds like perfect set up, me time for you and a chance for your parents to get to know your baby and your baby to get familiar with them

kissthegirlshesnotbehindthedoor · 09/09/2023 09:51

Bit low of your friend to make you feel rubbish and then sting you with: I couldn't leave my baby.

Your baby will thrive with being socialised and having happy, rested parents!

endlessleypeckish · 09/09/2023 09:51

Your "friend" is being a ridiculous judgy twat; your daughter is very lucky as are you, I'm jealous she had this opportunity to spend quality time with them and you get that little break.
She is projecting madly, bet she wishes she would have the same.