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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To "let" DH take 15 week old baby out???

359 replies

newmum002 · 09/09/2023 09:37

Hi

I feel like I'm going insane and now I'm questioning everything.

My DH is a great Dad, hands on and adores our DD. She is 15 weeks old and a few times, when he plays football on a Tuesday night he offers to drop her at his Mum's on the way and pick her up on the way back so that I can have 2-3 hours of time to myself.

He passes his Mum's and they love spending time with her and they regularly come to see her and spend time with her, they've always said they will have her whenever for us when they're home from work.

I told a friend about this and said the last 3 weeks she has gone to Nan & Grandads for a few hours (6-9pm), that I have a nice long bath or shower and maybe read for a little bit or watch something on Netflix and she looked at me like I was mad and said that there is no way she'd "let" her partner take their one year old out for a few hours without her, let alone the baby being without the Dad too, that she is too young to be away from either parents at 15 weeks old for the 2 hours he is gone to play football.

It's really playing on my mind and now I'm wondering whether I am being unkind to our DD by leaving her for some time with her Grandparents so that I can have a couple of hours to relax. DD is my whole world and we spend 99% of the time together and suddenly I feel really guilty.

Grandparents send me a photo or video of her smiling or playing with one of the toys they've got for her at their house and always say she is a joy to have.

This is my first baby, I spent a lot of time with my grandparents and loved it, now I'm wondering if she's too young? Friend has made me doubt myself.

OP posts:
Plumful · 09/09/2023 10:12

I have friends who didn’t let their partners do anything and now (2 years later) they moan that they do everything and their partners are useless.

Catdogmouse1 · 09/09/2023 10:14

Take the break and enjoy it. My first never got to spend anytime with others- covid baby, and it has taken a long time 4 her 2 feel happy away from us. Baby number 2 is 4 months old and will happily go to other family- we have made sure to socialise him much more. U need the break to recharge... happy mum equals happy baby

donkra · 09/09/2023 10:14

I think it's a bit full on for people to be suggesting your friend is highly anxious/nuts

Her "baby" is a year old! And she still won't "let" its coparent spend time alone with it!

Rainbow1612 · 09/09/2023 10:14

Well I wouldn't have been able to do it but that's because of the in laws. If you're baby is happy and cared for and you're happy then whats the problem. Absolutely nothing to feel guilty for.

Spacecowboys · 09/09/2023 10:14

If you are all happy with the situation, it doesn’t matter what your friend thinks. I think it’s important for babies and children to develop close relationships with people other than their parents anyway. I was very close to my grandparents growing up and spent lots of time at their house. It didn’t change how I felt about my parents. Now that my grandparents are no longer here , I cherish that time, think about it often and am grateful I had them.

Viviennemary · 09/09/2023 10:15

Your friend is a twit. Ignore.

Justaredherring · 09/09/2023 10:16

Lucky you, and lucky baby! You are nurturing a lovejy relationship with their grandparents, which is great for everyone. There is literally no loser here, and specially not your baby!! Win, win, win all round

Agapornis · 09/09/2023 10:16

"no way she'd "let" her partner take their one year old out for a few hours without her"
I take it she doesn't work? Not even leaving your one year old for more than 15 minutes is extreme. Expect some serious attachment issues in due course there. I'd look out for other signs of anxiety and PND and perhaps gently suggest she get help. Surely you want your child to be happy and confident in the company of others and on sleepovers?

TheBarbieEffect · 09/09/2023 10:17

newmum002 · 09/09/2023 09:40

@TheBarbieEffect purely out of interest and different opinions, why wouldn't you do it?

I think 15 weeks is way too young to be away from either parent, and as a mum to a 4 month old baby (and a toddler) I wouldn’t even want to be away from her.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 09/09/2023 10:18

Your friend is being ridiculous.

It sounds a great idea.

Id go so far as to say it’s something you need at this stage, if at all possible. A better rested Mum (obviously it’s only 3 hours, not a miracle) is a good thing for the baby, as you’re better able to go back to meeting her needs the rest of the time.

Presumably your DH also actually looks after your baby at some other times as well, it’s not just his Mum who does so while he also has a break?

Crikeyalmighty · 09/09/2023 10:18

My in laws used to have our son from 13 weeks (as I had to go back to work- no decent maternity leave 25 yearsago) for 2 days including overnight. Worked very well. They loved it, I loved it!! Win win. Your friend is batshit or jealous

Jackienory · 09/09/2023 10:18

Your friend is a nutter.

Libraryloiterer · 09/09/2023 10:19

Please, you mustn't justify yourself, you have a totally normal healthy set up that works for you. It's nobody else's business.

tigger1001 · 09/09/2023 10:19

Nothing wrong with what you are doing op - if it works for you as a family then that's fantastic! Don't worry about what your friend said.

You read lots of posts on here that a new mum is struggling as their partner goes out to play football/other hobby regularly and leaves the care of their baby to them. Your dh is making sure you get some free time away from baby too. Sounds like the set up works well for you all.

Enjoy the couple of hours baby free and ignore your friend

Ponoka7 · 09/09/2023 10:19

Good point about global maternity leave. A lot of places give three months. A lot of women have to go back between four and nine months, even in the UK.

Goldbar31 · 09/09/2023 10:21

This sounds like a lovely arrangement ❤️

Namechangedtoanswerthisone · 09/09/2023 10:21

10HailMarys · 09/09/2023 09:38

Your friend is being bloody ridiculous. You’re doing nothing wrong!

This. Enjoy some self care whilst your baby is having time with family and your husband plays football. Sounds like a WIN for everyone.

Matildahoney · 09/09/2023 10:22

To put a different spin on it op, (aside from the fact your friend is bat shit!) My mum had severe PND with me, she was in the psych ward for weeks, so I was sent home to be with my dad as she was scared something would happen to me, dad had to go back to work and I was left with my grandparents most of the time! They've brought children up, they know what they're doing! Enjoy your break!

TruthRevolution · 09/09/2023 10:23

Of course it's fine.

Sounds perfect, you get some much needed peace and quiet, husband gets his exercise and your baby gets to spend time with grandparents.

Original poster
newmum002 · 09/09/2023 10:24

@TheBarbieEffect it's not that I WANT to be away from her, I'd cuddle her all day and all night if I could/it was practical but I am only human too and being the main parent (DH works hard, runs his own business and I'm fortunate that I can stay at home until she's at least a year) is hard and tiring sometimes, I felt like it was healthy for us all to have some "me" time.

OP posts:
joelmillersbackpack · 09/09/2023 10:24

Sounds like a lovely arrangement and you’re doing a great job.

What your friend described is not normal.

808KateO · 09/09/2023 10:24

Your friend is jealous so just ignore her, it's passive aggression. We've helped out with all 3 of our grandkids since they were born, and for longer sleepovers from about 6 months. If it works for them and also works for you, there is no problem whatsoever.

JMSA · 09/09/2023 10:24

YOU are 100% in the right. Your friend is jealous.
It is entirely possible for a mum to love her baby, yet enjoy a couple of hours to herself!
You're a great mum and don't let your friend drop poison in your ear Flowers

Notimeforaname · 09/09/2023 10:25

OP please ignore your friend and please DO NOT feel guilty.

Stop those thoughts now.

Yes you have a baby but you are also a person who needs time alone. And your husband has as much right to take his baby out as you do.
Your friend sounds jealous and judgemental. Fuck her and tell her to mind her own business.

Original poster
newmum002 · 09/09/2023 10:25

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 09/09/2023 10:18

Your friend is being ridiculous.

It sounds a great idea.

Id go so far as to say it’s something you need at this stage, if at all possible. A better rested Mum (obviously it’s only 3 hours, not a miracle) is a good thing for the baby, as you’re better able to go back to meeting her needs the rest of the time.

Presumably your DH also actually looks after your baby at some other times as well, it’s not just his Mum who does so while he also has a break?

He does, he's a great Dad and it warms my heart when I peek my head around the bathroom door to see her babbling and smiling at him in the bath or to walk in the kitchen to the Alexa playing and him dancing her up and down and her giggling. They have a beautiful relationship and I feel really blessed x

OP posts: