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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To "let" DH take 15 week old baby out???

359 replies

newmum002 · 09/09/2023 09:37

Hi

I feel like I'm going insane and now I'm questioning everything.

My DH is a great Dad, hands on and adores our DD. She is 15 weeks old and a few times, when he plays football on a Tuesday night he offers to drop her at his Mum's on the way and pick her up on the way back so that I can have 2-3 hours of time to myself.

He passes his Mum's and they love spending time with her and they regularly come to see her and spend time with her, they've always said they will have her whenever for us when they're home from work.

I told a friend about this and said the last 3 weeks she has gone to Nan & Grandads for a few hours (6-9pm), that I have a nice long bath or shower and maybe read for a little bit or watch something on Netflix and she looked at me like I was mad and said that there is no way she'd "let" her partner take their one year old out for a few hours without her, let alone the baby being without the Dad too, that she is too young to be away from either parents at 15 weeks old for the 2 hours he is gone to play football.

It's really playing on my mind and now I'm wondering whether I am being unkind to our DD by leaving her for some time with her Grandparents so that I can have a couple of hours to relax. DD is my whole world and we spend 99% of the time together and suddenly I feel really guilty.

Grandparents send me a photo or video of her smiling or playing with one of the toys they've got for her at their house and always say she is a joy to have.

This is my first baby, I spent a lot of time with my grandparents and loved it, now I'm wondering if she's too young? Friend has made me doubt myself.

OP posts:
Unexpectedlysinglemum · 09/09/2023 20:55

My parents regularly took my baby for a couple of hours at that age (at mine, not at theirs) so I could sleep (I didn't have a partner). A happy recharged mum is what she needs!

Your friends one year old is probably super clingy so enjoy this stage as yours MIGHT be clingy later and only want you- equally she most likely won't be as she'll be in the habit of regularly going there for fun and cuddles and will feel safe and happy there.

Just remember everyone in America has their babies in full time day care at this age as they need to be back at work!

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 09/09/2023 20:56

newmum002 · 09/09/2023 09:55

Thank you

You've all made me feel so much better.

I do appreciate that I'm fortunate to have great in laws and a fab DH to be Dad to our DD. I know a lot of parents/mums don't have it as good as I do and I can't imagine how hard that is, hats off to single parents out there because I genuinely don't know how I'd do it.

It's hurt me a bit as I've been friends with her since we were 9 and very close, I have suffered anxiety and depression and she has always said she feels lucky that she's never experienced it but maybe she is experiencing anxiety and that's why she doesn't trust her partner to be with their child alone.

We know them really well and I know we don't know everything that goes on behind closed doors but we've always got on with him and he's always come across as a good partner and Dad too, she sings his praises so I'm not sure why she wouldn't "let" him take some control.

I don't know, I've been mulling over it for a couple of days and thought I would get some opinions.

Thanks

Maybe her partner is a bit thick like mine (see my post 'ex dp burnt my baby' for what can go wrong with stupid baby fathers

martinisforeveryone · 09/09/2023 22:19

SandandSky · 09/09/2023 18:50

I had such bad postnatal anxiety I wouldn’t leave the house at one point so always turned offers like this down. Now grandparents don’t even bother offering and I really wish they did.

This set up is probably really good for all of you (husband, baby, you) and I think if it works for you and you’re all happy then go for it.

you are also likely setting yourselves up well for if you go back to work/if baby goes to nursery in the future. I know a day at nursery is different but it’s a good start on being used to a little separation.

honestly, I’m jealous!

That’s such a shame, do you think you could explain?

They probably felt rebuffed and not trusted, but if you could clear the air, hopefully you could start over.

Tourmalines · 10/09/2023 00:57

Heyhoherewegoagain · 09/09/2023 13:33

Your friend is bonkers, as is @GrinAndVomit

You have what is unusual on MN, a normal family with normal relationships!

Agree

Tourmalines · 10/09/2023 01:00

SandandSky · 09/09/2023 18:50

I had such bad postnatal anxiety I wouldn’t leave the house at one point so always turned offers like this down. Now grandparents don’t even bother offering and I really wish they did.

This set up is probably really good for all of you (husband, baby, you) and I think if it works for you and you’re all happy then go for it.

you are also likely setting yourselves up well for if you go back to work/if baby goes to nursery in the future. I know a day at nursery is different but it’s a good start on being used to a little separation.

honestly, I’m jealous!

Maybe the GP don’t know you feel this way . Have you asked them to babysit ?

SandandSky · 10/09/2023 02:23

The point I was trying to make was “if the offer is there, make the most of it”

Solonge · 26/10/2023 18:03

Insane! There are mums that go back to work after 6 weeks! Really where on earth does your friend get her ideas from? Grandparents have been minding babies and kids for centuries! This is more ‘maternal ‘ preciousness’. Ignore and carry on enjoying your break.

JFDIYOLO · 27/10/2023 17:13

Your poor friend is very anxious and may well have problems you don't know about and she's projecting her anxiety onto you.

Your DH and the DGPs sound great - really sensible and organised and cooperative, and you'd know if the baby was unhappy.

Having family happy to pitch in and play and everyone getting time to themselves is a joy and it can only be good for the baby, for the grandparents, for your DH and for you!

Atethehalloweenchocs · 27/10/2023 17:39

Your friend is full of shit. You have a lovely DH and ILs - make the most of it. And btw, it is not up to one parent to 'let' the other do something with their child.

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