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Original poster

No toys downstairs- worried

219 replies

Ceci03 · 08/09/2023 15:28

So I visited a new friend who has 2 girls 6 and 4 but there were no toys downstairs. Like none. I'm a bit worried . I did go upstairs and saw a few baby books and they had 2 cuddly toys each on their bunks. I dunno. My kids are older now but I just remember toys everywhere and def in the sitting room maybe try and keep them to a corner. There was just sofa and tv. They watched tv while we chatted . I'd like to get them some toys but am unsure I don't want to offend my friend. I know she struggles financially.

OP posts:
CurlyhairedAssassin · 08/09/2023 16:51

WedRine · 08/09/2023 16:16

I don't allow toys downstairs. Bedrooms are for playing in, not my living room.

You are joking, right?

Himawarigirl · 08/09/2023 16:51

I’d think it was odd. But maybe just gently explore, compliment how tidy it is and say “we always have toys everywhere, how do you manage it” or chat about what your kids are each into.

Chippy4me · 08/09/2023 16:51

Ceci03 · 08/09/2023 16:43

There were no crayons or art stuff or craft things . I had a pen in my bag and we did some noughts and crosses ona bit of paper I found in my handbag. Maybe I will look at my daughters toys she is too old for and offer a couple of things. I'll offer them to my friend but not in front of the children . I definitely don't want to offend her I like her

Show quote history

I think this is a great idea and colouring books are great too.

My sister was always really strict with toys. It did used to make me feel sad because she didn’t want her home looking like she had kids and would have expensive breakable or sharp ornaments in the front room instead (I lost count how many times her DCs went to A&E because of it).

This must feel worse if you think it’s purely financial reasons but chances are she has just tidied them away (probably behind the sofa) because she knew you were coming and toys can make it look messy.

AnIndianWoman · 08/09/2023 16:52

Yes no visible toys are a red flag for child abuse but usually not in isolation. Are the girls quiet? Do they seem withdrawn? Do they look healthy? If they’re fine otherwise it could just be that the mum doesn’t buy toys - many parents don’t and simply stick them in front of screens - my sil does this as she finds toys ‘clutter’ and now her 6 yo is severely short sighted as all he has to play with is his screen. He can’t even use the bike they bought as he hasn’t figured out how to do it without his heavy glasses falling off.

Simonjt · 08/09/2023 16:52

We don’t have toys downstairs unless they are being actively played with, once done they go back in the bottom drawer in their bedrooms.

Mistressanne · 08/09/2023 16:52

Maybe the mum just tidies them away.
My bil and dsil didn’t allow toys in their dc bedrooms. They had a small office downstairs and all toys were kept there. At night if dn wanted a story then a book would have to be chosen from downstairs and brought back again after being read.
It was a soulless house.

sezzer87 · 08/09/2023 16:53

Why do they need toys in the living room? They're not toddlers. They can safely play in their rooms or in the garden alone. Toys went upstairs by the time they were 3-4 years in our house. They could bring a toy down to play with but it went back up at the end of the day and definitely before visitors came.

Brightandshining · 08/09/2023 16:54

Sounds like she's living the dream tbh...
Children do not really NEED toys. They can and should use their imaginations to play with anything around. It sounds like these kids do have a few toys and books...
There's also things like toy library's that people concerned about the environment sometimes use where you take a toy for a while till your kid gets bored of it then you take it back and swap it for another. Some people also do this with charity shops.. buy a few cheap second hand toys then when the kid tires of them take them back and get different ones.
Not everyone's house needs to be filled to the brim with toys.
And are you really sure it's about poverty seeing as you can get free toys literally anywhere now days...honestly a good 70% of my kids toys were just given to me by various mum friends whose kids outgrew them etc.. and toys in the charity shop are still so cheap.
Perhaps she just doesn't feel the need for a super cluttered home

CurlyhairedAssassin · 08/09/2023 16:55

Puffed · 08/09/2023 16:17

I’m really not sure why everyone is thinking this is an odd thing to worry about.

Im a professional who sees children for home visits and having age appropriate toys available is something we look out for and potentially provide support and advice about if there’s not any. It would definitely raise alarm bells for me if a house with small children had no toys.

Yes, I find it astounding actually that people are not seeing the issue. I work in an infant school and sometimes in families who are really struggling and need help, there are no toys available for the kids at all. It IS a red flag and had I been OP, I would have chatted to the kids and ask them what they like doing, are they good at drawing, do they have a favourite teddy etc to see if they brought me it to show me.

Viviennemary · 08/09/2023 16:55

A lot of folk don't like toys strewn all over the lounge. Doesn't mean their children are deprived.

Highandlows · 08/09/2023 16:55

Ufff this is why I do not like people coming over. I am so glad I am pass the period of playdates and other mothers judging without knowing, I hope you do not start rumours over this.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 08/09/2023 16:59

DoDoDoD · 08/09/2023 16:35

🙄or just someone who likes a tidy space rather than sitting amongst kid's junk?

Show quote history

You view your children's belongings, the things that bring them joy and help them develop, as "junk"? How sad.

WhateverMate · 08/09/2023 17:01

Fuck me, I'm surprised you didn't dig the floorboards up and search the loft too OP.

user1477391263 · 08/09/2023 17:01

My flat is not huge and it looks like it doesn’t have much storage, but the storage is built in or is fitted into the furniture (under-bed storage etc.). It isn’t always obvious.

BackToOklahoma · 08/09/2023 17:02

I think it’s unusual for there not to be any toys that you could see both downstairs and in their bedroom. Yes, some people put everything out of view, but there’s usually something around or the kids get something out if you’re there for a few hours. If you have anything that’s not used anymore by your children, I think it’s a nice idea to offer them to your friend.

Brightandshining · 08/09/2023 17:02

@CurlyhairedAssassin how many of your kids toya are actually their treasured possessions which bring them joy tho?
Personally a fair amount of my kids toys they've looked at a few times and moved onto the next thing.
It sounds like OPs friend actually has the right idea just keeping the most loved items and getting rid of the rest.

willWillSmithsmith · 08/09/2023 17:03

Growing up we never had toys in the front room. If anyone turned up at the house there was never any indication children were in the house (other than our presence). This was the 70s though and I don’t think it was common to have toys all over the place then.

Fivebyfive2 · 08/09/2023 17:04

So they have no toys downstairs, 2 teddies and a few books upstairs and no garden? Wtf do they do all day? Yes this is weird. I get some people are minimal, don't want loads of stuff everywhere etc. But that seems quite extreme to me.

Chocolatesandroses · 08/09/2023 17:04

We don’t have any toys downstairs either. All toys are in their bedrooms and they bring down whatever they want to play with . She probably just tided them away , maybe put them in another room .

Maireas · 08/09/2023 17:04

FrenchandSaunders · 08/09/2023 15:37

You were having a proper snoop 😁

I know! She seems to know what's in the cupboards as well!

Dustybarn · 08/09/2023 17:07

Growing up we never had more than about 2 toys at a time. At Christmas and birthdays we got a present - one present. As soon as we could read we went to the shops every weekend and could each choose a book. Great childhood in that respect - we read, made up games and hid in the compost heap. By contrast my DB’s DC get about 15 presents every birthday. Just different ways of raising kids. Nothing wrong with either.

RiverRed · 08/09/2023 17:07

Evaka · 08/09/2023 15:51

OP, I don't know why everyone is laying into you. I think you sound sincere and it is very unusual to visit a house with little kids and not see any toys/play stuff.

This

Caspianberg · 08/09/2023 17:09

Ds has a fair amount of toys imo. Not loads though, but a variety of each category ie train track, building blocks, puzzles, art stuff. When he is playing it’s everywhere, but when he’s finished and it’s tidy you could also say no toys in sight. Brio and duplo live in wicker baskets under the sofa.
The footstool and long ottoman are extra seating when guests around but they are both lift up storage and hold lots of toys like animals, cars, puzzles, books. If you didn’t know they lifted up, you wouldn’t see toys.

Ds also wants me to help play train track and paint, and pretend play with him all day. So if I had a friend coming around without other children, I would also be tempted to just let him watch a film so I could chat, and have coffee in piece without him wanting me to play every 5 mins when guest visiting. I entertain him the other 14+ hours a day he’s awake

Matchinglipsandfingertips · 08/09/2023 17:10

I am just clearing away the last of my DC toys and books and they are 20/24!
If you are worried I would ask her if she would like to come to the library with you after school. They often have toys that can be borrowed. Otherwise have a sort out and say I am taking some bits to the charity shop. Do you want to have a rummage first?
I am a ex charity shop employee and toys are super cheap in the stores as they get given so many. You could take the kids before a play date and give them a pound each. Then their tea.
You risk being told to bog off but what if she needs help? She who does nothing, changes nothing.

ASGIRC · 08/09/2023 17:14

My best friend in primary school had no toys, either.
She literally had one drawer in her room with a few toys, but that was it.

However, she did have games and books. All tidied away as well. Her room was absolutely spotless.

It wasnt lack of money or concern. The family just wasnt big on toys.

Childrens rooms dont need to be overflowing with toys.