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AIBU?

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Original poster

No toys downstairs- worried

219 replies

Ceci03 · 08/09/2023 15:28

So I visited a new friend who has 2 girls 6 and 4 but there were no toys downstairs. Like none. I'm a bit worried . I did go upstairs and saw a few baby books and they had 2 cuddly toys each on their bunks. I dunno. My kids are older now but I just remember toys everywhere and def in the sitting room maybe try and keep them to a corner. There was just sofa and tv. They watched tv while we chatted . I'd like to get them some toys but am unsure I don't want to offend my friend. I know she struggles financially.

OP posts:
Onelifeonly · 08/09/2023 15:54

I'd share your concerns OP. Play is part of children's development. Being on a tablet or watching tv has its place but shouldn't be all there is. I'd feel a bit off about a friend who didn't have toys for their young children too.

PuttingDownRoots · 08/09/2023 15:55

There are some very clever storage things with under sofa boxes, coffee tables that are toy boxes etc.

otherwayup · 08/09/2023 15:58

Onelifeonly · 08/09/2023 15:54

I'd share your concerns OP. Play is part of children's development. Being on a tablet or watching tv has its place but shouldn't be all there is. I'd feel a bit off about a friend who didn't have toys for their young children too.

What a absolutely ridiculous response 😂😂

Unless op had a good root around every cupboard in the house, how can she possibly know what the dc have?!

My house was like a playroom when my dc were young but if I had a child free guest round I was very good at popping stuff into cupboards, storage boxes etc

Chippy4me · 08/09/2023 15:58

Most people don’t have toys out downstairs all of the time.

I only did because I struggled to keep on top of the tidying but I would always tidy them away if I had visitors.

If you think they’re struggling for money then buy them a toy on their birthday.

ToxicPositivity · 08/09/2023 16:01

I can't imagine a living room without the kids being able to play with some toys. We bought a sideboard for exactly this purpose. Finished playing, all toys get put back in. A 4 and 6 yo should be playing, not sitting contently watching tv or listening to mum and her friends chat.

CosyNightsOnTheSofa · 08/09/2023 16:01

Maybe she hides them away, maybe she doesn't want piles and piles of cluttered tatt? Maybe she can't afford to waste money on toys? Who knows? Maybe not your place to ask or assume even.

Our house resembles a smiths toy shop, I regret ever buying or allowing others to buy the amount we have, it's a waste of money and not only that our house is just so bloody cluttered. She can have some of ours, in fact I'd be thrilled if someone would help clear the mountain we have, even better if they went to a good home where they'd be played with.

Threeboysadogandacat · 08/09/2023 16:03

Why don’t you have a “clear out” of your loft/cupboards and ask if she could use a box of toys that your children are finished with. If she accepts then go to the charity/toy shop or Facebook market place and get a box of toys. If she declines then there’s nothing you can do. I think it’s concerning that there were no visible toys. You sound like a good friend OP.

MumblesParty · 08/09/2023 16:03

GentrifiedLDN · 08/09/2023 15:29

I am sure she is trying her best

Edited

What makes you sure? She might be a shit parent for all you know. Why assume she isn’t ?

villamariavintrapp · 08/09/2023 16:03

Well, either they have toys and you just didn't see them, or they don't have many toys. Neither is really anything to 'worry' about! Kids don't need lots of toys. We didn't have loads when we were young. What did the kids do while you were there?

AbbeyGailsParty · 08/09/2023 16:03

Box behind the sofa, that’s what I did anyway.
I suppose you could wait a while and offer a bag of toys you’d been given by a friend whose kids had outgrown them, are moving house, leaving the country, whatever.

TawnyLarue · 08/09/2023 16:04

they just sat and watched tv for 2-3 hours? Did they not get bored and wander off? Mine wouldn’t sit at any activity (even a screen!) for that length of time.

MumblesParty · 08/09/2023 16:04

Whatisthis99 · 08/09/2023 15:51

I've nit had any toys in my front room for the last 2 years ( 8 and 6 now ) and it is so much nicer. They can bring toys down when they want but the toys dont live down here anymore

Some kids dont really play like we did growing up. My 6 year old would happily watch TV/ play on his tablet all evening if I let him, he much prefers them to actual toys or playing outside

Agree with PP that it's weird your so concerned. I dont believe you are, I think this is some sort of shitting on new friend. "I cant believe Jane doesnt have toys for her children" sort of thing

It’s not healthy for kids as young as 6 to only want to watch screens rather than play with proper toys.

Letsgocamping67 · 08/09/2023 16:05

Is it a grey “insta” house with no visible toys as they are too messy. That would be my worry and yes very damaging

MumblesParty · 08/09/2023 16:06

Money really is no excuse. I went to a charity shop this afternoon and could have kitted out a whole reception class room for less than a fiver.

Fundays12 · 08/09/2023 16:07

I have kids ages 11,6 and 4 because they are now able to climb stairs etc independently the toys are in there room. My living room unit has books and learning toys in it that are tidied away if my kids are not in or are not playing with them. My utility room has a cupboard with loads of colouring in books, crayons, paints, playdough etc. Again only out when the kids play with it. My upstairs hall cupboard has Lego and board games. The kids rooms also gave excellent storage for toys which is all full.

If you saw my house when the kids are not here you may think I have no toys either. We have loads but they are not lying around cluttering the house so people trip on them. They take things out and put then away. I like my house tidy but the kids have plenty to play with even if it's not all on display. They actually spend hours playing with it all.

Fupoffyagrasshole · 08/09/2023 16:09

my nearly 3 year old isn't big into toys at all - shes more outdoorsy so we are out a lot and she only really wants to do playdough, colouring, sticker books, playing on her bike, football, frisbee, jumping in puddles type activities really - so we don't have a lot of toys in the house tbh.

HardcoreLadyType · 08/09/2023 16:10

bellac11 · 08/09/2023 15:39

I think that is incredibly inappropriate, patronising and overstepping the mark

She would no doubt accept, most people would and then think, why on earth has this person, who I dont know that well, bought me this old tat

And then she's left with the issue of what to do with it

Show quote history

Really?

We used to be offered all sorts of cast offs.

I would take what I wanted and give the rest back. 🤷‍♀️

Charity shops don’t tend to sell tat these days. There really fussy about what they will display to sell.

PinkRoses1245 · 08/09/2023 16:12

It is unusual but perhaps she is strict with being tidied and all the toys were away. Next time, why not ask one of the kids to show you their favourite toy or book?

HardcoreLadyType · 08/09/2023 16:12

*they’re

Lelophants · 08/09/2023 16:12

Have you asked her what kind of stuff the kids like playing with and what they do?

Hufflepods · 08/09/2023 16:13

@Letsgocamping67 Is it a grey “insta” house with no visible toys as they are too messy. That would be my worry and yes very damaging

Of course it’s not damaging for children to put their toys away when not being used.
A generation ago children had a much smaller amount of toys.

Cas112 · 08/09/2023 16:13

Unless my child is playing with them toys are put away in my house. Especially when I have guests. Hope no one thinks I'm struggling for toys ahha

MimiSunshine · 08/09/2023 16:14

There are no toys in my living room either and very few in bedrooms (why were you nosing in bedrooms?). I just keep them elsewhere, where a casual visitor wouldn’t see.

WedRine · 08/09/2023 16:16

I don't allow toys downstairs. Bedrooms are for playing in, not my living room.

Puffed · 08/09/2023 16:17

I’m really not sure why everyone is thinking this is an odd thing to worry about.

Im a professional who sees children for home visits and having age appropriate toys available is something we look out for and potentially provide support and advice about if there’s not any. It would definitely raise alarm bells for me if a house with small children had no toys.