To be annoyed about comments about looking young

[Genericusers]

Started new job. Whenever I bring up having two kids or a nearly 10 year old, I instantly get "How old are you??" completely without any sugar coating. Is this normal?? Do many adults get asked outright how old they are when starting a job?

when I say 30 they make it into a thing. I'll get a gasp like I'm some sort of freak of nature "Hey - she's 30!! Doesn't she look young? I thought she was 22" Then other people will join in

As someone with social anxiety, it just makes me feel so on edge and I hate knowing I'm being looked at and my looks scrutinised. I feel like I have to hide that I have kids or my age because it'll become a "thing".

I know most people say looking younger is a good thing, but I wish my age could just not be a thing constantly.
Am I totally unreasonable here? Or can anyone sympathise.

It doesn't help that I looked 15 when I had my eldest so dealt with so much crap, I think it's a sore point.

Don't talk about your kids then 🤷‍♀️

You'll appreciate it when you're in your 60s, OP.

They come up a lot as I work with kids.

I get that, but that's double my life away. I'll probably not even live that long as my health is crap 😂

Happens to me all the time, doesn't bother me in the slightest. Its a compliment.

I Would like to have your mindset.
Did you never receive negativity for having kids young (or young looking)? I was spat at

That's the most irritating comment ever.

I'm 58. The general consensus is I look about 10 years younger. It still irritates the hell out of me when people comment on it. It's just a number.

It came up at work recently when someone retired and we were discussing who's next and what our plans were.

You were spat at? Good grief. Where on earth do you live where people spit at women?

With regards to people commenting on your youthful looks, it is a compliment and changing your mindset to see it as such will make you feel better.

I get this a too and understand it can be a bit irritating mostly in that I feel maybe people underestimate me as think I am younger etc

However I think you are being unreasonable to say your looks are being scruitinised. I really dont think people are spending that long thinking about you. You subconsciously register an estimate of someones approx age when you meet them. Then sometimes you learn you were wrong, register your surprise and move on. Dont let your thoughts about what other people might or might not be thinking of you bother you so much.
Id bet they aren't thinking about you much at all. A favourite quote i found recently was
We would all care less about what other people thought of us if we realised how seldom they do.

Why is it a compliment? Presumably, like me, you have lucked out genetically. It's not like something you have personally achieved.

It's a personal comment. Just as you wouldn't tell someone you thought they were older than they are, you shouldn't tell people you thought they are younger than they are.

Thank you.
You're probably right. Just I'd never comment on someone looking younger or older than I'd guessed. It just shocks me how confidently people ask me. I guess they think they're being complimentary not knowing it bothers me and I've been asked 30 times in the last few days

Good luck saying that on here OP. You will get a round of comments saying its a stealth boast or that it's impossible to look more than 5/7 years younger than your actual age.
I am 38 and people think I am 17-23. I get stared at like I am a freak when people find out and it's lead to some excruciatingly embarrassing incidents. I've been id'd in the past few months for buying paracetamol and nobody believes I have 2 kids, one of whom is 10. I'm quite slight and slim with a childlike face. I hate it and would do anything to look around my natural age. I get spoken down to and mothered by women years younger than me. I am a quiet and anxious person as well so it causes endless embarrassment. People said that I would love it once I nearly hit 40 but it's made me feel worse.

You're only 30, get back to us in 15 years

@OchonAgusOchonOh
Why is it a compliment? Presumably, like me, you have lucked out genetically. It's not like something you have personally achieved.

It's seen as a compliment because we now live in a society that thinks women should look younger than they are and Botox, fillers, facial creams and serums are a multi million pound market. That's why it's seen as rude to tell a woman she looks older. There is currently a trend on TikTok with women saying their age, and saying 'I look my age' which is unusual but good.

Because its a compliment, not an achievement.

Generally speaking, why do we still think that looking younger is better? It’s not a compliment, even though some people saying it, genuinely mean it as a compliment. If I am 40 and someone says I look 30, it’s like saying I am not good enough the way I am. I find it ageist and patronising to say it, to especially older women. What’s wrong with looking 40, 50, 60 etc? Why would you want to look 10 or 20 years younger? You are the age you are, and it’s good enough.

I understand what you mean OP. I wish people just wouldn't comment on age. It's a bit infantalising to be honest, I've had it when I am at work and people tell me I look too young to be there etc. I'm a qualified professional, thanks.

You can't change other people but you can change your reaction to it. You have to toughen up and deal with it like its water off a ducks back.

But it really isn’t a compliment. It’s ultimately saying that the actual age you are is not as good as the age you appear to be I.e younger. How is that flattering to hear?

There's really no getting away from the fact that most people view 1) younger and 2) slimmer as being better.

I've had a similar thing where I told someone my weight and they were like 'I can't believe you weigh that much! you don't look it!'

I'm really not bothered. It's a number, like age, it's simply not that interesting.

This is a very positive trend. Stunning women in their 50s, 60s, 80s etc, saying they look their age. Hope more women begin to think in this way about themselves.

Agree to disagree. I've had it said to me my entire life, people are gobsmacked when they know how old my kids are. It's flattering, every single time it's said to me it's been said in a complimentary way of people not believing I'm that age because my skin looks good or whatever reason they have given. As I say I'll agree to disagree, your view on it seems odd to me but that's ok.

I want to, I'm just so sensitive. How can I toughen up?

While I don't think most say it in a bad way, I've personally had it said negatively.
For example, age 20: "You barely look 16,you look like a child. I'd be embarrassed to have a baby and go out in public if I was you"

It's supposed to be a compliment and intended as such. However, it's also something people tend to say out of politeness (in my experience) to anyone on being told their age.

I don't like it because I don't think there's anything wrong with looking your age, and appearance of ageing shouldn't be a negative thing. I'd never say any of that, but that's my private opinion.

I also don't like sharing my age (late 30s), and haven't since I was in my mid 20s, but nobody really asks now.