To be annoyed about comments about looking young

[Genericusers]

Started new job. Whenever I bring up having two kids or a nearly 10 year old, I instantly get "How old are you??" completely without any sugar coating. Is this normal?? Do many adults get asked outright how old they are when starting a job?

when I say 30 they make it into a thing. I'll get a gasp like I'm some sort of freak of nature "Hey - she's 30!! Doesn't she look young? I thought she was 22" Then other people will join in

As someone with social anxiety, it just makes me feel so on edge and I hate knowing I'm being looked at and my looks scrutinised. I feel like I have to hide that I have kids or my age because it'll become a "thing".

I know most people say looking younger is a good thing, but I wish my age could just not be a thing constantly.
Am I totally unreasonable here? Or can anyone sympathise.

It doesn't help that I looked 15 when I had my eldest so dealt with so much crap, I think it's a sore point.

Why is it so surprising that it happens though? Of course it does. And it can be irritating and embarrassing.

Well.tbf,18 is young to.be a mum..

These replies just show that you have no empathy for people different to you. You have no idea how many times I came home crying because of comments when my son was a baby. Why didn't you get an abortion, you can't be older than 16? These young mums, sleeping around. Bet she doesn't know who the dad is.

To be fair, op, those situations aren't remotely the same.

I was pregnant at 16 and had all the bullying an insults, and emotional/verbal abuse at home.

Somebody saying 'wow, you look young. I can't believe you have a 10yo, that's amazing' isn't the same.

This. The OP is experiencing mistaken ageism which she can put a stop to instantly by revealing her true age. It's unreasonable to be piggy backing on to the discrimination faced by actual young mums and implying she's in the same boat. Rather than worrying sbout being mistaken for 'one of them' the pertinent problem is how young women are treated.

These replies just show that you have no empathy for people different to you. You have no idea how many times I came home crying because of comments when my son was a baby. Why didn't you get an abortion, you can't be older than 16? These young mums, sleeping around. Bet she doesn't know who the dad is.

Those are abusive comments and not normal. I had a baby at 21, after university, and there is judgement as they think you're too young or younger, but I never received abuse. There was also a young woman (teenager) at university and she was always on the defensive as she was judged for having a child young, and referred to as 'the mother'

The 'teeny' jokes are just that, and weren't aimed at you. It's a long running Mumsnet joke. Also most people think they look young for their age if you look at any of these threads.

I'm in my 30s and have been asked for ID, and had it not accepted or scrutinised, but it's usually someone 20-30 years older. Younger people, in teens or early 20s never ask me for ID.

Rather than worrying sbout being mistaken for 'one of them' the pertinent problem is how young women are treated.

Exactly

I do t think that’s what op is bothered about. She has faced problems by her perceived age. It doesn’t make it less real if it’s mistaken.

if someone uses the wrong racial slur for me as they have mistaken my ethnicity doesn’t make the racism less impactful or real.

To be fair, I’m clearly not too young to have a child at that age, and I did look like whatever a mam is supposed to look like - since I was a mother to my child 🥴

I guess then that we are all imagining the incidents we have all reported. Even if we have countless.
I get that some people say they look 20 at 40 and really don't but for some, it is a genuine thing and really impacts on us being treated the way we are deserved and the way we are perceived. I know it's no point me even writing this though as everyone thinks we are lying or deluded.

Say thats for you to know and no-one to find out. Nosey gits.

Dye your hair grey 🤷‍♀️
Problem sorted

Happens a lot with me too.
Last week a lady we met was talking to my 10yr son about "his sister" he answered with that's no, my mum... Well the disgusted look on her face when I confirmed I was. "oohh children having children, how awful! I bet your father was proud?!'
I answered with I was 27 when he was born, but thanks for the rude comment. Think I'll take it as a compliment!!
Bloody rude, but yes, sadly always big deal.
It's better than looking super old though hey? 🤣

I genuinely think it's a compliment (obviously an unwanted one) but not meant with any malice. I do often express surprise about some women's ages (always because they do genuinely look younger, which is a good thing). Like someone said they were a nan and I said really, you look too young? She took it well. It was literally a compliment and a genuine one as she looked lovely. Not like there's anything wrong with looking your age.
I look my age. My DH looks 30 max. He's 43. This is not meant as patronising but when you are older you will be glad to look a bit younger.

I used to get the same thing as I never looked my age. If someone commented that I looked to young to be a mom. I would reply "I adopted them when I was 12" and then changed the subject as it's no ones business how old I am.

I had that when I was 30, everyone said I looked 21. Now it's only really old people who say I look young

Why does working with children mean you have to talk about your own?

I had someone take a pic of me so she could say to her friends guess how old she is because I looked much younger!

Now it doesn't happens as any bit of tiredness instantly shows on my face and ages me.

I get this a lot when people realise I have a 15 year old, even more gobsmacked when they realise I have a 20 year old, I’m 39, I’m frequently told I only look late mid-late 20s and regularly got ID’d for alcohol up until just a couple of years ago. It honestly doesn’t bother me though, in fact it makes me feel pretty good. My Mum has always looked pretty young for her age so it must in my genes.

I used to get this, didn’t really bother me. Probably bothers me more that for around the last 10 years now it has stopped 🤣

I remember being charged a child’s fare on the bus when I was 28 and my brother got me in to a museum at a child cost when I was almost 30. I’m mid fifties now, really unsure of what age I look. I have always appeared slightly dishevelled though, that’s the constant steady state.

I’m mid 40s with children in their 20s.
I get the negative side, I often have gossips speculation about teenage parenthood or presumptions that the older children are not my husbands because I had them as a teen etc. It’s not nice for them to overhear
Also at work I get the weird authority thing occasionally still about age and therefore experience from people about the same age.
It doesn’t really bother me, but I’d accept I’m pretty robust and what I find irritating could upset others

Oh, I love it. I’m vain as fuck.

My eldest is 22. I am 44 in a few days.

9 times out of ten we are together and I say he’s my child, I get, “wow! No way, you don’t look old enough!”

I bloody love it! I like a good ego polishing.

I was a bit shit when he was little though. I looked very young and got treated like shit sometimes as they thought I was a teenage mum - which is awful.

I'm nearly 40 and I'm still occasionally asked for ID (on one recent occasion it was taken off me and scrutinised and I was concerned I wasn’t going to be served) and people think I'm younger.
However, these people who think I'm younger are either a similar age to me, or older. Younger people don't tend to ask me for ID. I think that's often probably the case for everyone generally too.

it was younger people
thatd ask me too. The person that took my pic was 20s years younger in her 20s and couldn’t believe I was 40.