To be annoyed about comments about looking young

[Genericusers]

Started new job. Whenever I bring up having two kids or a nearly 10 year old, I instantly get "How old are you??" completely without any sugar coating. Is this normal?? Do many adults get asked outright how old they are when starting a job?

when I say 30 they make it into a thing. I'll get a gasp like I'm some sort of freak of nature "Hey - she's 30!! Doesn't she look young? I thought she was 22" Then other people will join in

As someone with social anxiety, it just makes me feel so on edge and I hate knowing I'm being looked at and my looks scrutinised. I feel like I have to hide that I have kids or my age because it'll become a "thing".

I know most people say looking younger is a good thing, but I wish my age could just not be a thing constantly.
Am I totally unreasonable here? Or can anyone sympathise.

It doesn't help that I looked 15 when I had my eldest so dealt with so much crap, I think it's a sore point.

I used to hate this op, but trust me, give it a few years and you'll enjoy it, plus aging does creep up on all of us, some just takes longer than others! I am approaching 40 now, used to hate the comments about how young I looked 10 years ago, but now I like it, and rather than people saying "you look about 15" I get "gosh you look like you're still in your 20's!" Which is a much nicer compliment than people saying you look like a child. I definitely embrace my youthful looks now I'm getting older, and see my friends of similar ages wanting Botox and fillers to try and look younger, and thankfully I don't have a single wrinkle still. It's not a bad problem to have in the grand scheme of things.

This is a very positive trend. Stunning women in their 50s, 60s, 80s etc, saying they look their age. Hope more women begin to think in this way about themselves.

Couldn't agree more. I've just touched upon this in my post. It would be nice not to be seen as a negative thing, ageing and looking your age.

Why would my view be odd? Because I reject the ageism implied through such a “compliment” - nearly always aimed at women, whereas a man will be called “a silver fox” or that he is “aging like a fine wine”.

It’s not a real compliment.

I thought it was considered rude to ask a woman her age? I’m tired of the same people asking how old I am every time they see me. I’m not having the same boring conversation over and over again. I don’t care how old you think I look. I’m still the same age as when they last asked a few months ago. People age differently.

I was asked for ID in the supermarket and said my age and told “well, you look 18.” As if I was lying. While the couple in the queue behind laughed and pointed. Like you OP, I have social anxiety and when you do you don’t want to be put in situations like that. It’s embarrassing.

It think it's a bit sad that you buy in to that mentality. I don't see it as a compliment. I see it as a personal comment and consider it rude.

Has there ever been a thread of the 'I'm 45 but look 16' theme where a photo has been put on?

People have always taken me as being younger than I am. I've always been amused by it. It's even more entertaining now when I tell people my age, 76 and they look genuinely surprised and say, "Oh I thought you were younger than that." I've never worn make-up or had any 'beauty' treatment. I'm just me. I really don't understand this obsession with people looking 'young' whatever their age. It's who you are inside that matters, not outward appearance.

My sister looked really young when she had her first baby and I couldn't believe the filthy looks she got

I know how you feel but honestly when you get to 50 ( like me) you will love it! 🤣 Used to drive me mad. But tbh it’s no one’s business how old you are.

Except I'm 30 and look 22 ish. Not exactly an amazing feat, I'm sure there are plenty of others. Just not many will have a 10 year old child whilst looking early 20s..

Why would my view be odd? Because I reject the ageism implied through such a “compliment” - nearly always aimed at women, whereas a man will be called “a silver fox” or that he is “aging like a fine wine”.

It’s not a real compliment.

Of course it's not odd, and a few on this thread, including me, are of the same view.

'You don't look it' seems to be the polite, stock response to anyone.

I’m in my early 30s and like being told I look younger than I am. I do look younger so I know they aren’t lying. Frankly I prefer it and would prefer it over being told I look old anyway.

I don’t believe any woman who says she would be annoyed by this. You’re stealth boasting. Behave.

I’m 30 and I get this all the time and hate it. I think being short makes it worse.

I’ve seen similar threads on here before and people always make the same sarky comments about being grateful when you’re 60 and perhaps I will but at the moment it makes me feel like people perceive me as a child rather than a (relatively!) successful woman in my job, a mother etc. It feels really demeaning and really knocks my confidence that I come across like that and probably makes it worse as confidence is the key to seeming older I think.

The other day I got approached by a charity worker who then said ‘Oh actually I don’t think you are old enough’ (assuming for direct debits you have to be 18) and I was mortified as I’d just come from work and I was definitely going for ‘smart, attractive woman who knows what she’s doing’ rather than ‘sixth form student bunking off 5th’ when I got dressed! But at least I didn’t have to sign up to anything 😂

So no advice but solidarity.

Believe what you like but it’s the truth.

Not everyone buys in to the superficial, ageist, misogynistic attitude that only young, attractive women are valued.

I think it's sad you buy in to it.

How is it a compliment to look younger?

It's understandable if you like it, but mostly people are being polite. Hopefully can also see the unintentionally implied ageism though, that it's preferable to look young.

In what world is 30 old, don't all 30 year olds look 'young'?

Why is this a bad thing? I think it's a huge compliment. I'm 32 and I know I don't look my age, I often get told I look around 25 and I love it!

Ohh I quite like it. I'm 40 and look about 25. I find it amusing and the conversation goes, "You're older than you look" "Don't tell anyone, but I sold my soul to satan/I'm a vampire."
🤣

I think they’re just shocked you have a 10 year old at 30, realised they’ve put their foot in it by, so are trying to make it sound better by complimenting you saying you look young.

But I’m awaiting all the 40 year olds that look like teens with mums of 80 with no wrinkles that look 45. 😅

I get this all the time regarding my kids when I say my oldest is nearly 12 I get told o don't look old enough then I have to explain I'm 27 . There usually more embarrassed about it than me and the conversation stops there 🤷🏻‍♀️

Agree with @EvieLonglegs

Ive always looked younger and being short doesn’t help.

Walking in town with my same age bf- we would get looks and people shouting and suggesting he was a pedophile! I was in my late 20s.

Worried about not being allowed in pubs/clubs with my friends. (This was before the proof of age card).

I also prefer to not draw attention and didn’t like the scrutiny.

It does change. I also found that when I started speaking people would realise I was older than they though.

Have a comment ready to deflect. I say I have a picture in the attic like Dorian Grey.