Sad about my child’s class

[newSchool1]

My DD just started reception and I’m really sad that she’s in a class with no friends. I know she will over time make friends but it’s really upsetting for myself too. From her nursery only 2 kids going to this school and all of them in the other reception class. All the parents seem to be closer to each and we’ve had a few events before starting school and as soon as the ones I was chatting to found out my child not in same class they moved onto someone else.

Today for example I was chatting to the lady I knew from before in nursery and another woman butted into our conversation and said to her “ you’re X’s mum? My dd was telling me they’re best friends now”. I was just standing there awkwardly so moved away, anyone I was getting along with had a child in the other class! The ones who do have a child in my class didn’t seem that bothered about meeting new people and didn’t really seem that keen to swap numbers etc. I feel really sad for my child plus myself! I’m feeling really low. Quite honestly I have no friends and it’s hard making friends as an adult. They all seem to be mingling and getting friendly why is it so hard for me? If my child was in sane class I would also have gotten to be in their little group! I feel so awkward doing pick ups and drop off

im going back to work soon so will not see anyone at pick up and drop offs.

That woman just sounds thoughtless/rude butting into your chat like that and saying such a thing, but try not to attach too much importance to these things. I know the start of reception feels huge but it's a long haul and plenty of friendships will be made, evolve, and change over the days, weeks and years to come. I wouldn't be keen to swap numbers so soon either but it wouldn't mean I was unfriendly overall, just that it's the first week and everyone's finding their feet and getting into the new zone. Let things happen naturally if you can and don't catastrophise from incidents like one woman not thinking, or from your own history. Deep breath and wait and see what happens. It'll probably be better when you're back at work and it becomes more routine and less huge.

Way too soon to be worrying about this. Their friendships will evolve. My DS didn't meet his "best" friend until year 5.

Stop being such a drama llama they can only have been back five minutes . Just mingle and be polite and you will find your niche .

The thing about friendship is desperation is really offputting

Stop treating every situation as a desperate chance to "make" friends . Friendships happen more organically. Focus on yourself and your hobbies and interests. Spend your time doing things you enjoy and you will become more interesting but will also happen among people who share your interests.

Join the pta. Some of the friends I made at primary kids weren’t even in the same year we still meet up they are teens now and certainly not friends with each other!

Also many schools mix the classes up so they shouldn’t get too cosy!

I had a very similar experience when my child started primary one.
All the mums in the other class seemed really pally and sociable, the mums in my child's class just seemed non-plussed and a little standoffish to an extent.
This didn't change greatly in that first year if I'm honest, not until maybe spring or thereabouts. But by the time primary two rolled around there were clearer friendship groups, more opportunities to interact with other parent and gradually attachments were formed.
My child is now in S1 and I'm pleased to say I'm on fairly good terms with most of the parents from the primary years- even the standoffish ones who it turned out were actually just socially anxious and as nervous as me all along! There is only one mum who has still never acknowledged me and she sounds like the one that interrupted you. Meh, leave her to it.
You will be fine OP and so will your little one, I know it's easy for me to say 7 years down the line but I promise it will work out and you will find your people as the years go by. Promise ❤️

The other parents aren't deliberately excluding you, you're reading too much into it. I would pop on the class Whatsapp group and be honest and say "dd started and hasn't come from the main nursery that everyone else has. Anyone up for a playdate so she can get to know...." Ask them to DM you so it's not embarrassing if no one replies. And in a day or two say "thanks for all the replies"

Chances are you'll have some mums who worry about their existing friendships and want their child to branch out a bit.

It's so early in her school life. She'll make friends in her class and you may become friendly with some of the parents. Don't try and push it.

My youngest didn't make a 'best friend' in reception and just played with everyone. He's now Y2 and has a bunch of good friends who all play together every day.

That's also very true. My dd flitted between people and never had a best friend. She's settled into a small group now but that only really happened towards the end of year 3.

This seems huge now but nursery friends will feel 100% irrelevant in a very short time. Their friendships may also evolve beyond recognition as they through primary. My child spent reception glued to someone he can't now stand the sight of as a teenager!

My Eldest DD started primary knowing no one, she played with everyone in reception and most of year 1 and now has three ‘BFF’s! My youngest has just started in reception, also not knowing anyone. Don’t worry, it will take time for them to settle into friendships

"Quite honestly I have no friends and it’s hard making friends as an adult. They all seem to be mingling and getting friendly why is it so hard for me?"

You said yourself you stand awkwardly and then moved away - this is why. Join in! Introduce yourself, say who you are, your daughters name, ask them questions. It's really not that hard but you have to put yourself out there.

It's quite normal to start new schools without 'friends', just like in every situation in life, starting university, new jobs. Making new friends is all part of the fun.

This was my DD in her first year of school. I even moved her to the local nursery before she started school in the hope she would have some friends from there but they all ended up in the other class.

I dreaded school pickup as I hardly knew anyone too. She is now 11 and both of us slowly made new friends and things couldn't be more different. It takes a while but you will both get there eventually.

You need to stop projecting your own anxieties on to your DD, whether she is aware or not. Have faith in her and her ability to make friends. The overriding likelihood is that she will be absolutely fine.

If you get on with the mum that you were talking to and your daughter gets on with the child don't let being in a different class stop you from arranging playdates and encouraging the friendship.

My son was in a primary school with 2 classes in a year group and the kids soon know everyone. Some of his best friends through primary were people that I had made friends with the mums and met up out of school and they weren't always in his class. Being friends with some mums will also help you meet other mums as you get invited to things.

• My post sounds very sexist but in my experience I met up with mums for play dates and my husband met up with dad's or both of us as couples. That's just generally how it went for me.

if you can afford it hire an after school nanny to arrange play dates. The school run could be vile to the socially awkward. It does not help that some pushy mothers take all the space and behave like the teens in mean girls. I hope your child is sociable as that would help a lot.

You're letting the fact that you have no friends colour this experience. The reality is most people are simply there to drop their kids off at school, it isn't a social event for them. Moving away from someone because you realise their child is in another class is quite weird.

Ah this has happened to us too OP and of course it's a worry at a time of big transition. There were eight going up from DS's nursery and he's the only one in his class. I'm not happy about it but I'm being friendly to people and quietly hopeful that the kids will just make new friends and that it will all work itself out.

DS is a friendly soul. I don't want to project my worries on him so I'm being really positive about the fact he's got 29 new people to make friends with in his new class at school. So far, he's buying it.

Someone posted the other day that it was a good idea to treat everything to do with your child’s school as work, rather than as leisure/ your friendship groups, and this really struck a cord with me.

Oh yes we are also still doing playdates with the kids he knows in the "other" class. I don't know if our school does it, but some schools re-jig the classes at the start of Year 1 so there's every chance he could end up back with those kids later.

This. Why do you have to make friends? It's been a couple of days, give yourself and DD a break.

You will be able to have more opportunities to get to know them at kids parties, it’s still very early days so don’t worry!

Same thing happened last year with my daughter. She had made some great friends in the school nursery so kept her in the school for reception thinking she will have some friends. Unfortunately it worked out that none of her friends were in her reception class and she was alone. I was upset for her for a bit and for a while it sounded like she didn't really have any solid friends in the class, but towards the middle of reception she made a best friend and they are inseparable now. Funnily when they mixed up the classes again end of reception, she ended up in class with some of her old friends back! Luckily her bestie is in her year 1 class! But she still really only wants to play with her best friend and isn't bothered about playing with her old nursery friends now.

So try not to worry. She will hopefully make new friends

Just wait til the whole class parties start and you can be at 2 over a weekend ….. hell you can do 2 in a day. Once you’ve seen the same faces week after week and chatted over the iced magic biscuits and cocktail sausages you can assess better the friendship opportunities. My advice is don’t assume that everyone else is happy / confident and you’re the odd one out. People will be feeling a variety of emotions but probably disguise it quite well.

I changed school catchment when I went from primary to junior school, and started a week late too. I was very shy and not a good mixer, but I soon found my feet- give it a couple of weeks and I think it will start to sort itself out. If it doesn't, have a chat with the class teacher, they may be able to check your child isn't getting left out, or pair them up with a suitable friendly kid for a bit.