Sad about my child’s class

[newSchool1]

My DD just started reception and I’m really sad that she’s in a class with no friends. I know she will over time make friends but it’s really upsetting for myself too. From her nursery only 2 kids going to this school and all of them in the other reception class. All the parents seem to be closer to each and we’ve had a few events before starting school and as soon as the ones I was chatting to found out my child not in same class they moved onto someone else.

Today for example I was chatting to the lady I knew from before in nursery and another woman butted into our conversation and said to her “ you’re X’s mum? My dd was telling me they’re best friends now”. I was just standing there awkwardly so moved away, anyone I was getting along with had a child in the other class! The ones who do have a child in my class didn’t seem that bothered about meeting new people and didn’t really seem that keen to swap numbers etc. I feel really sad for my child plus myself! I’m feeling really low. Quite honestly I have no friends and it’s hard making friends as an adult. They all seem to be mingling and getting friendly why is it so hard for me? If my child was in sane class I would also have gotten to be in their little group! I feel so awkward doing pick ups and drop off

im going back to work soon so will not see anyone at pick up and drop offs.

In other words, I feel OP is taking it all very personally, while it probably wasn’t a slight against her at all, the other woman didn’t know her at all. She won’t be the last to be like that, in a different way once actual ‘cliques’ maybe start to shape, so might as well get used to brushing some things off ? Just thoughts though, obviously the reality is a little more complex

Some people are just rude and the interrupting mum sounds that.

PLEASE don't feel so despondent, it's really early days! My son went to a primary where he knew nobody. Not one. And he also went to breakfast and after school club every day too, so I was so worried I'd not make any mum friends. It took time, but I did! Even just other after school club parents, you see them again and again, you make small talk, you ask if they want a playdate.

Also sign up for the PTA. It can be a pain but you will meet loads of parents that way.

Don't feel sad! It's only the first week. You sound like a nice person and I’m sure you and your child will make friends.

@newSchool1 who will be doing pick ups and drop offs ?

My sons are twenty and twenty two now, but my best friend from the school gate days turned out to be someone whose children weren't even in the same year! We still see each other weekly now, but her child didn't even start school till mine was in year 1. As for the boys, the eldest was out last night with his three closest friends - two of whom were in the parallel reception class, so he didn't really get to know them till classes mixed in year 1. And he can't stand his best friend from reception.....

It’s still early days. She’ll make friends.

The school gates can be a nightmare to navigate socially but remember at the end of the day, it’s you’re little one at school, not you.

The woman who "butted in" was just joining a conversation in a social setting. What you should have done was smile, ask which class her daughter was in, how she was settling in, etc. And then you would have been part of a three way conversation. This is how social interaction flows successfully and how you can get to know and become socially active with the other parents. When you are talking to someone, try not think about it as your personal conversation and your conversation partner as your possession at that moment. That will put people off. Rather see your conversations as light and open for new people and input.

Agree really with the first sentence, but, especially with OP’s anxiety, it may be helpful to give people a second chance, wondering if they have other circumstances (ex maybe other child or siblings struggled before and mum is so thrilled she’s determined to make this one work),she’s miserable already which is sad.

I agree with PTA may be great for you @newSchool1, you seem nice and with a good sense of fairness for every child, good way to get yourself involved.

I wonder what your plans are with work though ?

Finally, and most importantly, one of the rare advantages of them all growing up so quickly these days, is they’ll forget all about parents once in reception, which is a great year to make friends as so play based, and will make their friends on their own. Your DD really will be absolutely fine hopefully, like all the generations of reception babes before her. Class parties will also help a lot.

If there isn’t a WhatsApp group for her class and you feel up to it, maybe just create it. You’re sending a subtle message about wanting to be social that way, without having to say much, which helps if you’re anxious.

Ah thank you, you expressed what I was trying to mean, but better than me!

Overall none of us has a clue what butting in mum truly is like, but if OP lets herself be affected by every type of interaction like this, she’s in for miserable years. @newSchool1 you can do this🍀

By this I mean will you have time for playdates ?

If you’re in for after school and breakfast club, please don’t worry though, your interactions are made for you right there (there tends to be solidarity amongst parents, and in my experience same for the kids, they become friends whether they actually love each other or not, kind of like sports teams ; great way to have emergency babysitting also as you’re all in the same situation)

Otherwise, depends who does the actual pick up drop offs. Again though don’t worry, reception being usually a whole class party every other weekend!

Sometimes it can be hard to get into groups that seem to all know each other already. Look for anyone who isn't already chatting to someone else and ask about their child. If you walk to school (or even park further away and walk the last part) you'll have more chance to chat to people

My DS was put in the same reception class with 5 friends from nursery...Fast forward two years later and none of those nursery kids are his close friends. Lots of kids don't know anyone when they start.

You need to chill out a bit. There is a mum of a kid in my DS' class who saw the school pick up/drop off line as a captive audience for her to 'network' and she really put people off and is now generally avoided. Most people just want to pick up their kids, have a friendly chit-chat then go about their day - they don't necessarily want to commit their future time to a random other parent like the mum I mentioned. People would be casually chatting to her about the weather or something and then she would suddenly have her diary out to pin people down - it was all just way too intense and off putting.

If you make friends with other parents at the school gate, then great, but these things take time and should evolve naturally.

The interrupting mum: I was chatting to old nursery friend. Interrupting lady was walking towards us in my eye view, I glanced at her and said hi and she looked at me then straight away went to the other woman and said “you’re X’s mum….”. It was very rude. I do know her as I made conversation on induction day in summer break with her but she wasn’t interested as soon as she found out we were with other class.

This used to be a supportive site for mums. Maybe you would prefer embitteredchildrennet?

OP your child will make friends give it a few weeks ,I think this is more about you losing your mum friends to the other class and feeling left out/back to square one making mum friends etc ?
Involve yourself in conversations, initiate them with the other parents even if it means stepping out of your comfort zone. First few weeks of ' how's x getting on in new class..." type of questions and soon you'll be right back in it. Other parents probably same as you in ur class re feeling awkward not knowing anyone but it's like first weeks of high school again your all in the same boat so get talking , and if they reciprocate fine if not their loss- move on . Once LO has made friends then start some playdates . Good luck!

I work at a school where half the reception class attended the school nursery the other half are new. Already less than a week in there is no divide they just all play happily making new friends.

I would give her the benefit of the doubt.

Some parents can find the first couple of days of school quite overwhelming and she was just focusing on introducing herself to other parents.

Carry on being friendly and give it a couple of weeks and you’ll find friendships will slowly form.

School mums can be ruthless.. give yourself and dd time.. friendships will evolve for you both.. give it a few weeks and have a friend over in a Friday for tea ..

If you try too hard to make friends it will be off putting for other people. Just let it happen naturally!

Both my son and daugther started school without knowing anyone, most of the kids went to the local nursery while ours went to the one close to my hubbys work. I was a bit worried like you when my older son started, but there was no need. It took sometime to develop friendship and they will! You cant make friends for them and dont give them pressue to make friends either. When my daugther started I stopped worrying and I didnt bother to chat with other mums if there was no mutural interest. I find it much simpler picking up and dropping off if you dont know many mums, I hate samll talks.

I'm choosing to support the defenseless child thanks because it's obvious that this is far more about OP's hurt ego than her child. If we all just focussed on facilitating our children's friendships instead of feeling like we have to join the mum-mafia just to survive school dropoffs then we and our kids would be much happier IMO

My child did foundation last year and the feeling of ‘going back to school’ with them was really unpleasant and not one I’d bargained for! I’m sure many other parents are feeling similarly OP. It will calm down soon.

Are there socials arranged that you can get involved with? We had a couple of coffee afternoons at the school and independently arranged a night out on the class WhatsApp.

The kids barely know how to socialise yet but as your child gets friendly with some others you’ll naturally have an ‘in’ with the parents and I’m sure there’ll be plenty of whole-class parties to attend as well. Just take it easy, be open and friendly and let it happen naturally! Try not overthink it all.

I have had all the feelings you’re feeling, I think many of us have!

I've voted yanbu because you've clearly identified that this is not just about your child but also your own loneliness in terms of adult friendships.
And you thought this was a good opportunity and it's turned out a bit less than you wanted.

There are plenty of friend apps out there, I think bumble do a friend's one and in my area a few mums have joined parent fb groups and just asked for some social interaction, is anyone free for coffee etc and honestly you'd be amazed how many people have said yes. Lots of parents feel isolated.
Friends away from school is better tbh, you don't want to be involved in the politics. Put yourself out there. It is something you can overcome x

PS I’m sure many people will find the interrupting mum rude. She is probably a pain in the arse - don’t let her put you off!