Sad about my child’s class

[newSchool1]

My DD just started reception and I’m really sad that she’s in a class with no friends. I know she will over time make friends but it’s really upsetting for myself too. From her nursery only 2 kids going to this school and all of them in the other reception class. All the parents seem to be closer to each and we’ve had a few events before starting school and as soon as the ones I was chatting to found out my child not in same class they moved onto someone else.

Today for example I was chatting to the lady I knew from before in nursery and another woman butted into our conversation and said to her “ you’re X’s mum? My dd was telling me they’re best friends now”. I was just standing there awkwardly so moved away, anyone I was getting along with had a child in the other class! The ones who do have a child in my class didn’t seem that bothered about meeting new people and didn’t really seem that keen to swap numbers etc. I feel really sad for my child plus myself! I’m feeling really low. Quite honestly I have no friends and it’s hard making friends as an adult. They all seem to be mingling and getting friendly why is it so hard for me? If my child was in sane class I would also have gotten to be in their little group! I feel so awkward doing pick ups and drop off

im going back to work soon so will not see anyone at pick up and drop offs.

The parents in my sons yr r weren’t particularly friendly at the start- lots still aren’t but gradually over the year I got to chat to some and made some nice friends, there will be parties and it’s generally easier to chat to people there, it’s best not to rush in as sometimes the ones you think are nice turn out not to be then you’re stuck! We have some very strong minded mums who all want to be the top dog in our class, I just stay away from them lol. Lots don’t get involved or have their own little group but that’s just how it goes, you will find your feet at some point, try not to over think it. I do think it’s odd tho that your child and the other 2 from preschool were separated? Were they friends at preschool? My son only had 2 other kids go to the same school and all 3 were out in the same class together

Why did you move away when the other woman joined the chat? That was exactly your chance to familiarise yourself with other parents. Without being mean; you’re the reason you don’t have many mum friends at the school- because you’ve said yourself that you stand awkwardly and then you moved away at the first instance of conversation with more than 1 person.

it all sounds a bit dramatic to be getting upset about having no friends and your daughter not having a best friend when school has been back a matter of days! You need to make an effort too. It seems you expect people to just make an effort with you?

Visualise the worst case scenario (you never make any parent friends through school) and the best case scenario (you make good life long friends with other parents immediately) and the reality is somewhere in between those two.

You seem to have expectations at the "best case scenario" end of the spectrum which are really unrealistic.

Haven't had a chance to RTFT yet and I mean this as kindly as I can... but this post demonstrates neatly why parents should never use their children's school careers as a way to make friends for themselves.

It's this which leads to the levels of paranoia people display on these threads about the social behaviour of other parents at school which are sometimes completely pathological and all the imagined sleights about "bitchy school mums" etc.

This is a pretty good example: this little interaction where this other mum "butted in" (by the way she's entitled to do this, there's no queue) is totally trivial and OP you are hugely hugely overthinking it.

Your LO will find friends in their own time but let it happen organically and try not to worry if it doesn't happen overnight.

More importantly, you'll have to toughen up about this as this sort of thing happens all the time and you can't be getting offended by this sort of thing. And don't see every interaction with every parent as an opportunity for a new best friend. The vast majority won't be. A large amount of parents aren't really looking for friends via school. Some are, but if you see this as a happy hunting ground for friendships you're going to get quite disappointed. There are far better ways to find friends.

What I did was post in the school Facebook group and ask for play dates with a couple of the kids she’d mentioned. If she came home and had played with Lacey then I’d ask for a play date with her that weekend. Children’s parties are also a great place to make friends, make sure you help the mum throwing the party, talk to people standing by themselves. Don’t just stick to one person.

It can be hard, cliques form to quickly especially as a lot already know each other. I literally knew zero parents when my daughter started at the pre school of the school she goes to. She has gone to the nursery which was on-site at my work and out of area. I got chatting to a mum in the queue after she had been there 2 months and she added me to to clas whatsapp group but I very much felt like a newby and as my diabetes had started in thr January rather than previous September I think there were cliques in class and with kids already and parents. I was so out of it! They all got split up for reception and it's been better, lots of birthday parties so chances to chat to parents. But I have to admit sometimes it's still cliquey. You'll find your little girl will make friends in time and then you'll get to know their parents. Mine is in year 1 now and has a few little friends.

Oh girl ... I feel you!

But, you've come to the wrong place to find much empathy!

You have described my school playground experience with my youngest child almost exactly and it never made more sense than when I realised I have had undiagnosed ADHD all my life.

Feeling like you never belong anywhere, despite desperately wanting to is common in women with ADHD - so is rejection sensitivity.

Do some research on ADHD women & learn to embrace yourself. Stop trying to fit in with 'them', you never will but, you absolutely can learn where you belong.

Clique or friendship group? People are allowed to make a group of friends without including everyone.

Op you can be friends with parents from the other class!! It's not a big deal. They'll switch classes next year anyway. Just smile and start chatting, a good opening would be "aww your DC looks so sweet, I hope their settling in well...."

I really wouldn’t worry this early on, my eldest is in year 8 now and youngest just gone in to reception too so I’ve been doing this a while and at different schools, honestly you will see how much things change over the years at primary.
mums I never spoke to at all in the first few years I became really close with later down the line who I now still go for drinks with etc.

The kids friendships will change and consequently so will the friendships between the Mums. I know it’s not a nice feeling to feel alone at pick up but you won’t be the only one feeling that way just be you and go with the flow, you will naturally form friendships as the years go by.

I know there can be WhatsApp groups for parents and I know a lot of people also find this annoying.

One of the Mum’s at my child’s school set up a Facebook page, slowly everyone from the class joined (there is only 1 class per year group), people introduced their child and it’s used now to inform others if there’s a non uniform day, ask if anyone other child has come home with another child’s jumper etc, maybe you could set one up, it could catch on.

My son never knew anyone in his class either, he never went to the preschool attached to the school, others did and had friends already, but he’s made a couple of good friends.

we worry too much, that’s normal but I wouldn’t worry too much about being ‘in’ with the other Mums. I found we all had a little chat when they were in Reception but now we pick up from the yard, some talk, some don’t. I get there on time and go straight away, cba with it all to be honest.

It’s not really about you.. your child will make friends .. all children do.. but it doesn’t mean you need to be friends with their mothers! And these mothers were never really your friends anyway if they choosing not to speak to you because child is in a different class.. just drop yr child at school.. pick her up.. and get on with ur day

OP. This is all about you, not your kid. This has nothing to do with which friends came up from her nursery.

You need to put yourself in places where you can meet people (amateur dramatics, running club, volunteering, art class, whatever). And then you need to practice your chat, which should consist of 20% introducing yourself and 80% asking questions and showing interest in the other person.

She’s only been there a week! My child didn’t know anyone when she started reception and approx half the class had come up from the school nursery. She settled in perfectly well and has plenty of friends at school. We’ve maintained friendships with the ones we wanted too from nursery too.

I'm still friends with the original reception mums. My DD is in Year 8 now. None of the kids are friends anymore. It really doesn't matter.

Please get a grip and stop beating yourself up cos meanwhile your child wil be sorting themselves out with friends etc. All will be fine.

I have lots of reception class experience in 2 and 3 form entry schools and most share the space for most of the day. Registers and some things are class only but everything else is mixed.

My DC is yr 1 and in reception they were part of a large in take from a feeder playgroup (24 kids split between 2 classes) so I was familiar, but not really friendly, with a number of other mums in the class.

One year on, DC's close friendship group is made up entirely of children from other nurseries/playgroups... not a single one from their playgroup. And weirdly I find myself making friends far more easily with these 'new to us' parents too.

Give it time and it will all settle.

In my son's school, the reception classes mix quite a bit. She will make friends and be fine. As for rude mum, you don't need people like that in your life anyway!

Clique or friendship group? People are allowed to make a group of friends without including everyone.

In my mind the difference between a clique and a friendship group would be that friends spend time together outside of a particular situation (eg school pick up and drop off) but are still friendly and approachable in that situation to others. Whereas cliques are unapproachable, make it clear outsiders aren’t welcome through in jokes etc?

I don’t mean this unkindly but have you considered therapy? It might be helpful to work through some of your issues with making friends so that you are less likely to pass those anxieties onto your kid?

Honestly it is often the case that new school mums have their elbows out and get all competitive about making friends. My advice having been through it more than once and as a working mum is to just wait. All those early birds will fall out with each other! Just go to whatever you can - school events etc - and just be prepared to feel a bit awkward at first. Things will warm up later on!!

My DC4 was the one left out of play dates and parties until yr 3 when he found himself. By yr 6 he was the most popular boy in the year - he still makes friends with ease. My DC2 was always a loner by choice and although not a social butterfly like DC4, she has a few very close friends and is having a lot of fun. Yours will find her way too. Don’t stress.

grow up my love

its just been a few days. Dont project your angst onto your kid

Don’t force connections- you’ll both make them in time