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AIBU?

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Original poster

My children were invited into a strangers house! Am I over reacting?

402 replies

Flowers94 · 06/09/2023 19:06

This is quite long but basically my children are 8&9 and have been playing out at the back of our house for a few months but know where they can and can’t go. a few days ago they’ve gone out and when I’ve gone to shout them in they weren’t responding so I’ve panicked and when they returned about 10 mins later they’ve been in a house about 12 door up stroking a cat.
I’ve explained the them about stranger danger and asked what’s happened and they’ve said the cat was lost so they’ve found it and this couple have said to them that the cat is shy so do they want to come in and stroke/feed the cat.

i went mad at the kids which I maybe shouldn’t have done but they know we don’t go into strangers houses, I am considering going to this couples house and suggesting they don’t invite children into their home as to me that’s extremely odd.
is this an overreaction on my part? Or do normal adults invite children into their homes to stroke there pets

OP posts:
Olika · 06/09/2023 19:08

Personally I would have a chat with them first of all to see them myself but also to advise them that they should not invite your kids in their house. I would have got upset too.

WtfHormones · 06/09/2023 19:09

It was probs innocent but I'd make myself known I'd go round and say something like my kids said they had been over to see your cat I'm just checking if they had as I didn't know where they were. Then you can suss them out and probs put your mind at rest.

WhateverMate · 06/09/2023 19:10

i went mad at the kids which I maybe shouldn’t have done

Why shouldn't you have done? You trusted them and they broke your trust and frightened you Confused

It sounds normal for this couple but if you don't know them then they shouldn't have asked them in.

I don't know if I'd say anything or not really, as it might look like you're passing the blame when your kids are old enough to know better.

But then again so are they.

Original poster
Flowers94 · 06/09/2023 19:12

Yes I agree my children should have known better, I’m not really a shouter so I think it shocked the kids that I was so upset about the situation.
I am hoping the shock will stop them from ever doing it again to be honest, they definitely won’t be playing out for a few weeks.

I just think for an adult couple to invite children in when they don’t have any children is questionable and not something I would be personally do that’s why I have considered going round and just having a chat with them.

OP posts:
Original poster
Flowers94 · 06/09/2023 19:13

That’s a good idea thankyou

OP posts:
jlpth · 06/09/2023 19:13

That couple can invite anyone they want into their house - if your dc are not able to make the decision to enter/not enter someone's house safely, they shouldn't be out alone.

Original poster
Flowers94 · 06/09/2023 19:15

So you don’t think two adults inviting two children into their house is out of the norm?
children can be very easily enticed unfortunately.
they have been taught strange danger by myself and school.
what is your reasoning for them not being allowed out behind their home alone?

OP posts:
cheddercherry · 06/09/2023 19:16

I think you’re right to be mad with them as 12 doors down seems like a fair distance to have roamed from outside your back? Added then going into someone’s home on top I think I’d have been really shocked.

It could be innocent but equally I would never invite a child I didn’t know into my home. It’s one thing chatting over your garden fence etc, or on your drive but for them to have returned the cat anyway and then been asked inside wouldn’t sit well with me. It’s awful to say as I’m sure it was all fine but you just hear about incidents so much more often now. It’s not like it was when everyone knew everyone else on the street etc so yeah, to me it’s odd they’d ask them inside not knowing them.

vdbfamily · 06/09/2023 19:16

Go and meet then.
This is how communities used to work.
We had an elderly neighbour and my 3 children went to see him most days. He played Tom and Jerry videos and gave them biscuits. I took them back for a visit last year and he cried with joy and said they were the happiest years of his life.
Teach your kids to be safe but not suspicious of everyone they meet. It is hard to get balance right though.

caban · 06/09/2023 19:17

I would definitely have gone mad at my kids and I would also go and speak to the couple involved.

OK, maybe it was a totally innocent act on their part.
But if it wasn't and there's something dodgy going on, these people need to know that the children have parents who are aware of what they're doing and will challenge strangers.

Desecratedcoconut · 06/09/2023 19:18

No, it's weird. I'd go around and say hello. I don't think you have to be fierce about it. Say you were disappointed that your kids hadn't followed the rules and they've been told off.

NuffSaidSam · 06/09/2023 19:18

Flowers94 · 06/09/2023 19:15

So you don’t think two adults inviting two children into their house is out of the norm?
children can be very easily enticed unfortunately.
they have been taught strange danger by myself and school.
what is your reasoning for them not being allowed out behind their home alone?

Do you genuinely not see the answer to your own question?!

Children can be very easily enticed.

Followed by;

What is your reasoning for them not being allowed out behind their home alone?

Are you joking?

Heyisforhorses · 06/09/2023 19:19

I'd be telling my kids to stay away, it's most likely innocent and it was a thanks for finding the cat but for me it's a flat no. Over the years couples have acted together to harm kids so no way would I be happy with it. I would tell the couple too that my kids are not allowed in their house.

Original poster
Flowers94 · 06/09/2023 19:19

Thanks cheddercherry, yes I was shocked they aren’t allowed to go that far and never have done before. I can usually hear them if I nip into the garden!
it could definitely be innocent but you just never know do you unfortunately
id never invite a child in to stroke my dog whether they found it or not, from their story they didn’t take the cat back they just saw it and have gone to tell the couple. And upon the couples return with the cat they’ve invited the kids inside

OP posts:
OnAMidnightTrainToGeorgia · 06/09/2023 19:20

You are trying to place the blame at this couples door....IF they even invited the kids in....

Your kids are at fault. And you. You have them too much responsibility

caban · 06/09/2023 19:20

I wouldn't be nice about it either - I'd tell the couple not to invite children into their house, your children are not allowed to speak to strangers and they need to stay away from them.

OnAMidnightTrainToGeorgia · 06/09/2023 19:21

If they even DID invite the kids in....

DarkForces · 06/09/2023 19:21

I think they're too young to be allowed out unsupervised. They clearly can't obey the rules and their desire to see the cat/say yes to adults put them at risk but you can't really blame them.

Callyem · 06/09/2023 19:22

If they have kids, its less odd but otherwise, inviting them in seems very unusual.

I don't actually think it sounds like they had sinister motives, but it is a silly thing for adults to do knowing the dangers that exist and that their good intentions might lower the children's guard towards other adults.

WhateverMate · 06/09/2023 19:23

caban · 06/09/2023 19:20

I wouldn't be nice about it either - I'd tell the couple not to invite children into their house, your children are not allowed to speak to strangers and they need to stay away from them.

I'd tell the couple not to invite children into their house

The couple an invite whoever they want into their house and it's up to the OP's kids to say 'No' or 'I'm just going to ask my parents'.

Original poster
Flowers94 · 06/09/2023 19:24

Thankyou for your input but I’m not trying to blame anybody, unfortunately we don’t know how our children will act when we’re not there and I’ve trusted mine to go out and they’ve broken that trust.
but I am asking advise from other parents as to whether adults should be inviting children into their homes, i don’t have any friends that would invite children who were playing outside into their house

OP posts:
VisionsOfSplendour · 06/09/2023 19:24

caban · 06/09/2023 19:20

I wouldn't be nice about it either - I'd tell the couple not to invite children into their house, your children are not allowed to speak to strangers and they need to stay away from them.

You can't tell someone who they are allowed to invite into their house, that's no one's business but theirs. Why should they listen to you?

You can only tell your own children not to accept such invitations and politely explain to the couple your rules for your children

BlueBlubbaWhale · 06/09/2023 19:26

Are they elderly? They probably just didn't think.

I think your children are too young to play out alone though.

s4usagefingers · 06/09/2023 19:26

I’d go and see them so you can at least find out what actually happened. My dad has ducks and chickens and he’d always have kids knocking and asking to see them and he’d tell them to go and bring a parent. He knew not to let the kids even just into his back garden so it is a bit odd if they actually did invite them into the house.

VisionsOfSplendour · 06/09/2023 19:27

Flowers94 · 06/09/2023 19:24

Thankyou for your input but I’m not trying to blame anybody, unfortunately we don’t know how our children will act when we’re not there and I’ve trusted mine to go out and they’ve broken that trust.
but I am asking advise from other parents as to whether adults should be inviting children into their homes, i don’t have any friends that would invite children who were playing outside into their house

No one can advise you about whether anyone should be inviting children into thei homes - that doesn't even make sense

People are different, doesn't matter what you or your friends do other people will always behave in different ways

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