My children were invited into a strangers house! Am I over reacting?

[Flowers94]

This is quite long but basically my children are 8&9 and have been playing out at the back of our house for a few months but know where they can and can’t go. a few days ago they’ve gone out and when I’ve gone to shout them in they weren’t responding so I’ve panicked and when they returned about 10 mins later they’ve been in a house about 12 door up stroking a cat.
I’ve explained the them about stranger danger and asked what’s happened and they’ve said the cat was lost so they’ve found it and this couple have said to them that the cat is shy so do they want to come in and stroke/feed the cat.

i went mad at the kids which I maybe shouldn’t have done but they know we don’t go into strangers houses, I am considering going to this couples house and suggesting they don’t invite children into their home as to me that’s extremely odd.
is this an overreaction on my part? Or do normal adults invite children into their homes to stroke there pets

I appreciate that my repose will not be popular but so be it.

Your issue is really with your children having let down their guard and trusted adults without letting you know where they were going. You can use this to drive the message how important it is that they never do this again.

I’m male, no children of my own and I would not invite a child into my home for fear of misunderstanding. I did “befriend” a child in the part though but made sure to never have her in my partners and my place. I am sure that I was still seen as the neighbourhood creep nonetheless. It’s probably not comparable to your situation because the girl was living with scumbag parents and neglected and just wanted someone to talk to, so we talked outside.
Talk to your children, and remind them why it is dangerous to trust adults without your parents knowing where they are. This is a valuable lesson for them

I am sure driven by worry/fear I would have been annoyed with ds

but adults should know better but easy to get a little caught up in a moment but really no adult should should invite children they don’t know into their house

No matter how many times we try to warn children they are easily taken in it’s a lovely side of childhood that sadly can be taken advantage of

I think you’re getting a bit of a hard time on this thread! It sounds like your kids were very close by, given their age.

I’m a parent and I would never, ever invite a couple of kids I didn’t know over to my house. Especially not to stroke my cat, that could seem a bit like a lure. The girl next door sometimes plays in our garden with my little one who is a similar age. The first thing I say is go and ask your mum or dad! I think inviting strange kids over is outside of the bounds of what most people would consider to be appropriate behaviour. The onus is on the adults. Your AIBU poll suggests the same!

So it’s strange behavior on their part, especially as it’s quite a long way from your kids’ ‘approved’ play boundaries as well. For all you know, your kids asked to go and stroke the cat and they said okay. It may be that they’re elderly, entirely naive and had no idea that it’s not appropriate. Either way - it would set alarm bells ringing for me. Instincts are there to protect us.

Better safe than sorry - agree with pps that it’s good to go around and introduce yourself regardless. Be tactful and say nothing against you but I have a rule that my children are not allowed to go and play in other people’s houses.

If it’s entirely innocent, you’ll have said hello and met your neighbour and that’s that. If it’s not, they’ll know that your kids have involved parents, firm boundaries and that you know them by name and face. Win/win.

Agree with this. If your dcs can’t follow simple rules, then clearly they’re not ready to be wandering 12 doors away down the street. The couple probably invited them in in all innocence. If they were older, that would have been the norm in their era.

What the actual fuck? There's a reason stroking pets and sweets are used as examples of sickos baiting kids for the stranger danger adverts. It's their go to move. Any normal sensible adult would know not to do this! They would either be ND or full on sicko. My mum is ND and small village mentality (super friendly and no one is a danger) and even she wouldn't invite them past the front garden.

How old are they? I'd be speaking to them!

Urgh your parenting is fine. Kids don't listen. Ignore the blamers.

I've speed read and don't think this has been mentioned, but apologies if I missed it.

The new 'stranger danger' campaign is now 'clever never goes' — clevernevergoes.org

I thought it was really useful so thought I'd throw it in, just in case!

I think that if these neighbours were planning on doing anything they shouldn't, they'd have taken the opportunity there and then when it presented itself, not let the kids go home and tell their mum where they'd been, thereby brining attention to themselves and thwarting any opportunity to do something in the future. I also think that anyone who likes children, whether it be an older person or a young couple hoping to have kids soon, might without thinking, invite them in to fuss the cat, not realising how most parents would perceive their actions.

Bearing this in mind, I think it's down to us as parents to teach our kids that they must NOT go anywhere, or take anything from ANYONE, without checking with Mum or Dad first, and if they can't find us, or speak to us, then the answer is a definite NO! We need to drum this into them, and perhaps even tell them that we'll be testing them, so even if Uncle John or Grandad stops and invites them to go home in his car with him, they MUST come and ask first, and if they don't they'll be in big trouble. This may seem a bit harsh, but when we know that most bad things done to children are done by someone they know, rather than a complete stranger, it might be a better way of teaching them. Just my thoughts, although I'm sure there will be many who think that's mad.

I seriously couldn’t let my kids out at that age. Why take the risk. I’d get lovely time to myself but .. yeah too many weirdos about and not worth the ‘if only’ if something bad happened

To warn them off. They're less likely to target children who have parents that are going to kick up a fuss.

This doesn’t make sense to me.
A cat 12 doors from home isn’t lost.
How did they connect with the couple - did they take the cat to their house and were then invited in/to stoke the cat as a thank you? Maybe the couple were just being kind to a couple of kids who had turned up with their not lost cat?

My children weren’t out on their own at that age - maybe yours need a few more years before they are.

This exactly. When my dd was little we lived in a garden square ( yes it was a posh one) and there were often people walking their dogs there. I told her she should never touch a strange dog because it might not like children. Then blow me down I look up and she is stroking a dog.
“ what did I say about stroking strange dogs?”

” but it’s just an ordinary dog, it’s not strange at all.”

Kids are often very literal, maybe they don’t understand that someone who lives in the same street who they have seen before and possibly said hello to in passing counts as what your mum thinks of as a stranger, in the same way as someone you have never seen before asking you to look for a lost puppy or get into a car also counts as a stranger. Parents need to be very specific and use non ambiguous language.

Two little girls (about age 9 or 10) were playing out on the street near my house and I heard one of them screaming. So I opened my door and looked out and saw that one of them must have fallen over as her knee was bleeding. They said that their mum was out. I offered to bathe and clean the injured knee, explaining to them that I would do it out on the street and not invite them into my house as they did not know me and they should never go into a stranger's house I cleaned up the knee (no plaster in case of allergies) and I hope I responded in the correct way.

i wouldnt talk to the couple

"You can't tell someone who they are allowed to invite into their house"

In the case of children, being keen to invite them into your house is going to result in a visit from the police, maybe this was innocent but most adults know that you don`t do this, did the couple have learning disabilities or mental health issues perhaps?

What? They totally have a right to entice any child they want into their house and I can only request they leave my own children alone while recognising they can target any other lone kid they come across

Of course I have no idea about their intentions, but they are certainly displaying some red flags so why risk it?
There were plenty of stranger danger public information films around in the 70s so I seriously doubt there are many older couples around who don't know it's weird to invite children into your house with the offer of kittens/puppies/sweeties.

I find it sad for the situation be called that the children have broken your trust. Its one thing to know what they are or arent supposed to do but its very easy to do something else when the situation arises. For adult, let alone for the children who are still developing and learning.
And yes, it is an odd thing to invite children inside your house to stroke a cat but I think some older people are lonely enough to do and mean no harm.

Talking to the couple only deals with the potential danger from that one couple. You need to limit your children to the garden until they have shown they can be trusted not to do something stupid.

Perhaps they thought the children would enjoy their attention. When I was young and childless, there was a boy aged about 8 on my estate. I saw him wandering on his own, looking sad, and invited him in. Gave him something as a snack and cold drink and chatted to him. He came once more and the third time I saw him he ran away as though I was some sort of scary monster. I guessed he had told his mum and she had warned him about stranger danger. The thought hadn’t crossed my mind before..I liked children and enjoyed being nice to them.

I think having a chat with the couple for their own benefit too- they may not have meant any harm and thought nothing of allowing the kids in but if this is the case they should be careful and could end up with all sorts of accusations if this is the norm for them.
not sure why everyone is blaming the kids here?!

I think that’s perfect.

I once escaped from the car when I was about 4 - yes bad parenting, I’ve spoken about my childhood before, I’d been left in the car while my mum went off - and I remember wandering in to a shop but equally anyone could have taken me off the street. A lady who worked there held my hand outside the shop in the doorway until my mum came back. Full view of everyone. That way there’s no doubt.

Just to note that abusers seek out the children whose parents are lax on boundaries. I’d go round as others have suggested, for a chat and to make myself seen to them.

Don't have a good at them whatever you do, you'll cause ill feeling and upset for nothing.

Just tell your children to come and ask you in future.

I think it’s a bit strange that after breaking your trust by going into a strangers house you then believe the story that two adults with lives of their own wanted random children in their home. I’m sorry but it sounds like your children are bugging these people because of their pets and you are going to then go round and bug them more. If the children aren’t lying you could have two potential child abusers here and you’re going to go round and draw more attention to your children by making them dislike you. Just tell your children to not talk to strangers.

You are being unreasonable. You weren't there you don't know the circumstances. The children are living and engaging with the world. They broke your rules and that is between you and them. No good you turning up on someone's door and insinuating.

No adult should be inviting children not known to them into their home, or even known to them without the parents’ permission.. End of. I’m in my 50s and we had stranger danger drummed into us at school and it had been going on for a few years by then. Anyone under 60 should know not to do this.