My children were invited into a strangers house! Am I over reacting?

[Flowers94]

This is quite long but basically my children are 8&9 and have been playing out at the back of our house for a few months but know where they can and can’t go. a few days ago they’ve gone out and when I’ve gone to shout them in they weren’t responding so I’ve panicked and when they returned about 10 mins later they’ve been in a house about 12 door up stroking a cat.
I’ve explained the them about stranger danger and asked what’s happened and they’ve said the cat was lost so they’ve found it and this couple have said to them that the cat is shy so do they want to come in and stroke/feed the cat.

i went mad at the kids which I maybe shouldn’t have done but they know we don’t go into strangers houses, I am considering going to this couples house and suggesting they don’t invite children into their home as to me that’s extremely odd.
is this an overreaction on my part? Or do normal adults invite children into their homes to stroke there pets

They were probably thinking what are these children doing wandering the streets accosting cats 🐈 do they know you? Maybe they were trying to figure out where your kids lived if they don't?

I wouldn't invite kids in but if some turned up with my cat and it was unusual to see kids playing in the street on their own I might make sure they lived close by incase they ended up lost themselves!

i wouldnt invite a child in-if they were distressed id call the police and wait with them outside

I wouldn't blame your children - I think they are far too young to be allowed to play outside when they're out of your sight.

Rather than being angry at the couple I would be very grateful as they have alerted you to the fact that your children are too young and can be easily enticed to other people's houses.

Now you know how easy it is for your kids to be enticed you need to do something about it.

I can't imagine the police would take any interest in this story. Absolutely nothing happened here.

(And good to know is childless people who may innocently do this are either peados or have learning difficulties! )

To be fair in London flats. You'd be more worried a 9-10 year old turning up at your front door was going to steal something, but it if was a neighbours kid you see often then that wouldn't be such an issue)?

8 or 9 year olds are too young to play outside? Come on

But surely It is a good thing that an innocent couple have invited the children as it could have been a lot lot worse.

The OP should be very grateful to the couple as they have shown her that her children are not old enough to be playing out on their own.

WTAF?

Is that your solution to stranger danger? Just to aggressively tell strangers not to invite children into their homes? And then what? Your children can roam around unsupervised, safe in the knowledge that mummy has told all the dangerous people that they can't talk to them?

Telling this couple, nastily, that they shouldn't invite children into their home isn't going to keep these children safe since they have proved to be utterly incapable of putting the 'stranger danger' lessons they've been taught into practice.

Well they shouldn't be but the OP's children obviously are as they will go into strangers houses.

They've gone into a stranger's house to stroke a shy pussy without telling their parents where they are. They're clearly too young to go out unsupervised

I'm suspicious about the cat story. How did they know where the cat lived? Unlike dogs, cats rarely have collars with their address on.

"Children are much more likely to be abused by someone you know than a stranger" such an inane argument. Strangers get to know kids - they become trusted adults. It's called grooming.

1/35 adults has a sexual interest in children. There is a paedo on every street corner.

It's not 'sad' to give your children rules and expectations. It's safeguarding. Teaching them to cross the road safely doesn't make children fear cars. Teaching them fire safety doesn't make them afraid of birthday candles. Your children can have plenty of play and freedom and also know not to go in adults houses without your permission.

At that age I don’t think they should even be put the house on their own. Playing in garden alone ok but not outside of the garden or house alone.

Adults can invite whoever they like into their own homes.

What the actual feck?!

The blame absolutely DOES lie with the adult couple - 'adult' being the operative word!! 'IF they even invited the kids in...' is of no importance in this situation. Even if the kids invited themselves in two adults should absolutely - in no uncertain terms - have allowed it to happen.

Talk about victim blaming!! 🤯

Yes and the OP gets the chance to reinforce the importance why they cannot do this again. Surely st this age you can be more direct and address direct consequences of doing something like this

If a couple of kids landed at my door with my cat I would probably chat a bit to them about my cat to be polite and friendly but unless I knew the parents I wouldn't invite them into the house. But then I work in safeguarding and would be aware of how that would come across. It could well have been innocent- cat runs indoors and your kids have follow up questions and the neighbours feel they need to be polite. But I don't think you're being unreasonable to be worried, ultimately you don't know them, you don't know how the exchange went and its your job to safeguard your kids. So I think it would be reasonable to go round under the guise of, I heard my kids were round earlier I'm sorry if they bothered you. They know that our rules are they can't go into other houses so if they come round again I wanted to let you know it's OK to tell them your busy and that they can't come in as I've prepared them for that.

I'd stop your kids playing out like that unsupervised for now since they've broken your trust and revisit it when they're older. The really awful thing about it is that predators will be excellent at convincing kids that it's fine to bend the rules this once and that just makes it easier for the next time etc etc. So I think they've shown you they're not ready just yet and I'd spend more time talking about stranger danger and how to stay safe and then build up with boundaries that involve playing outside where you can see them from the house, then from your garden etc. You could also make a rule in future that if someone invites them in, they have to come and tell you first where they are going before going inside and then you can decide if its a safe place or not. Don't feel bad for reacting, you were frightened and it thankfully worked out really well but it could have worked out differently and your reaction shows you care and want to protect your children.

No it's not a solution to stranger danger.
But if this couple are a danger, it's important to make clear to them that the children have parents keeping an eye on them who are willing to challenge other adults. They won't ignore red flags to be polite or avoid awkwardness.
Paedophiles will target children who are vulnerable.
That in itself won't keep children safe, but it might well ensure these particular people leave the children alone.

"When they don't have any children"?

Yes, because all childless people are a danger to children, right?

I can't see how they made the link between the lost cat and the owners. Were they knocking on every door? And unless it was mewling its head off it wasn't even lost! I can understand your panic, it's like they put themselves in danger without realising it.

Did you say they don’t have children? They must be complete freaks I would go and burn their house down for letting your kids over the threshold. For context I am a totally normal person and the neighbourhood kids were always banging on my door to see my dog or come in my garden. I used to come out on the street to see them because I was terrified of people like you 😂

Then that couple are idiots. You just don't invite random kids into your home.
If they have innocent intentions they are leaving themselves wide-open to allegations of abuse. All it takes is for a young child to say that they touched them or said something weird and they will be in very serious trouble. Even though your kids have not made allegations, they have still caused you to think of them suspiciously.
But maybe they didn't have innocent intentions?
I would have to go round and check them out.

They can but they shouldn't.

And if you do start enticing young children into your home with promises they can pet a cat or have some sweeties, don't be surprised if a parent shows up at your door and tells you to back off.

We have dogs and a decent sized garden. We tend to get kids of a young age losing balls, and coming in and just playing. We have to go out and ask who they are, and that they need to ask first. And they need to tell their parents where they are not just turn up and play until the parents turn up wondering why they are in our garden.

That's a bit over the top!! So what happens if they get into some form of danger and are too afraid to ask for help??

We had a neighbour's child in our house regularly from when she was 3, though mostly she was in the garden. Her fucking parents sent her!!!!