My children were invited into a strangers house! Am I over reacting?

[Flowers94]

This is quite long but basically my children are 8&9 and have been playing out at the back of our house for a few months but know where they can and can’t go. a few days ago they’ve gone out and when I’ve gone to shout them in they weren’t responding so I’ve panicked and when they returned about 10 mins later they’ve been in a house about 12 door up stroking a cat.
I’ve explained the them about stranger danger and asked what’s happened and they’ve said the cat was lost so they’ve found it and this couple have said to them that the cat is shy so do they want to come in and stroke/feed the cat.

i went mad at the kids which I maybe shouldn’t have done but they know we don’t go into strangers houses, I am considering going to this couples house and suggesting they don’t invite children into their home as to me that’s extremely odd.
is this an overreaction on my part? Or do normal adults invite children into their homes to stroke there pets

Thankyou arabella! I have told the kids they’re not allowed out for a while but when they do they know I’d anybody asks them to go anywhere/do anything they have to come and see me first.
im glad you see where I’m coming from, I feel adults have a responsibility to put boundaries in place with children and not the other way round

I genuinely feel like some people on this thread would blame my children if something bad had happened to them at this strangers house

...my children are 8&9 and have been playing out at the back of our house for a few months but know where they can and can’t go.

This has proved they actually don't know and you need to work with them more on the boundaries.

You don't know exactly what happened. Children can be quite persistent, my previous neighbours kids used to be a nightmare for pestering to come over and play with my DC. I'd say you need to ask your grown up first and they'd go away and pretend they'd asked. Once they were in they'd constantly be trying to come in to the house, once I thought they'd gone home and went upstairs to find them watching TV in my eldest's bedroom!

Maybe your original post had a word missing, you can ask them not to invite your children in but not all children, totally overstepping

You have absolutely no idea about the intentions of these particular people, I won't be surprised at all if the OP comes back and tells us that it was an older couple who have no idea that today's younger parents think everyone is a danger to their to their child and see ill ntent everywhere

if you think the couple might be creepy why would you go over there and talk to them

Yes, it is a bit strange to invite children into your house but maybe some people don’t see it that way. I.e the elderly, a young couple, a family with kids etc. you should go and talk to them mainly to show them that, if they do have any bad intentions, there are parents who care about their children.

however, not berating your parenting but 8 and 9 really is too young to be out without adult supervision and this should be a good example of why it’s too young. It doesn’t matter how public the road is, you saw how easy it is for a stranger to take your children into their home and you had no idea where they were for at least 10 minutes (how long had they been in the house before you realised they were missing?). It could be a house, a car, someone leading them away…etc. unfortunately the world is not a safe place and even 1 minute is enough time to take a child.

I don’t think that you are overreacting at all. You have no idea who the couple are or their intentions. I would go to their house to introduce yourself so that they know your children have someone who cares for them and are not children who can easily be taken advantage of.

We've just started to let ours (nearly 11 and nearly 9) have a bit more freedom. They can go to the park across the road / cycle round the large but road-less block etc) and one of the examples we gave re: stranger danger was someone inviting them to go off to see their kitten [mine are massive kitty fans]. We even highlighted that even though they're together they are still not to go off with anyone for any reason.

I'd start with hammering the rules into my DC before I went off and said anything to the neighbours but I'd never, ever dream of inviting an unknown child into my home. It's just not savvy behaviour on this couples part.

Because the most vulnerable children in society are those dumped with apathetic parents and demonstrating that these children have an interested and confident mother is like life-Teflon to creeps.

I think the emphasis needs to be on ensuring your children understand why they must never go into strangers houses. Or if you can't guarantee they can be trusted, you need to keep them under closer supervision.

I (like most people on the thread) would never invite children into my home, but there are some people who wouldn't consider it to be an issue. In some cultures, it's probably totally normal; a young couple with no children of their one may just think it's a nice thing to do; some older people may not think it's a problem (as it probably wouldn't have been when their children were young).

I really don't think you should be telling them who they can invite into their own home!

I don't think this has anything at all to do with the adults. They invited the children in a for a couple of minutes to stroke a cat and clearly had no ill intentions.

The issue is that the children went and next time might not be so lucky. These two stopping doing it makes absolutely no difference to the risks faced by your young children when out on their own.

This would be standard behaviour in my area.

It's not good to go mad at kids regardless.

Adults who invite unknown children into their home without asking the parents are a red flag IMO. I wouldn't confront them but I would keep an eye on the situation and make sure your kids know never to go anywhere without your permission.

No. I wouldn't blame your children.

I agree with this.

I think the couple just didn't think. If you have no children and are not working in an area where child protection is paramount you could be totally oblivious to what your doing. Especially when there is a pet involved. I would sincerely hope that is the case with this couple. I would mention to them ..lightly..that you were shocked your dc went in as they are taught never to talk to strangers. They will pick up quickly on how stupid they were and hopefully be more aware going forward.

Such an odd attitude.

Yeah, adults have the right to be as weird and inappropriate towards kids as they want.
It's not just up to the kids to protect themselves - its up to me as their parent to challenge other adults if they push boundaries.

I think it's fine to be angry at your children for not following the rules however I'd guess they didn't deliberately disobey you, they just figured the couple were safe. I'm sure your anger has shocked them and reminded them how to behave.
As for the couple, if you do decide to speak with the couple go round with an open mind and suss things out. I don't personally think it's odd or weird to invite kids into your house but it's unusual now adays. I'd guess the kids were fussing over the cat n the owners didn't want it escaping again so told the kids they could pet it inside....all of them...together in the living room.....then they left saying 'Goodbye Fluffy' and that was the end of the adventure. As an adult it's possible I'd do this. As a child my sister and l used to look into the basement of a factory from the window on the street and we befriended an 'old man' who worked there. I remember us being invited in for his retirement send off and mum making friends with him and driving us over to see him a few times. We thought he was our friend and I believe he enjoyed seeing us.

I would have went over to their house like a shot. Better to be safe than sorry.

What strikes me is that referring to 'stranger danger' is very confusing for children. They had spoken to this couple (who most likely meant no harm) and they were friendly so in the children's minds they were friends not strangers. Would it have been any better if they had disappeared into a school friend's house without you knowing? You would have no idea what other adults might have been there so they could be in more danger there than with this couple but it wouldn't be a 'stranger's ' house.

I certainly wouldn't invite children into my house but some, possibly older, people might think it's OK. I always told my child not to go anywhere with anyone, even a friend of theirs or mine, without asking me.

These sorts of threads make me feel sad and old. When we were young we were literally in and out of every house on the block. The old man who liked to have us "help" with his veg plot, the lady who baked animal shaped biscuits, the young family who let us rock the baby in the pram!

And yes maybe there were risks, but there are still far greater risks to all children from people they know well than from strangers.

How on earth can you know they clearly had no ill intentions?

It's certainly possible that it was innocent. But it's also possible they have very ill intentions and are trying to build trust with these children, see what they will do without parent's knowledge, check whether the parents are keeping a close eye on where the children are.

This couple used the kitten as a ‘lure’ to get your children into their house. You are definitely doing the right thing - they won’t do it again.

For me, no-one is necessarily to blame but the parents are the responsible people here. You say you trust your kids out - which is fair - but then take the position you don't trust people around them?

Pick a lane... the couple did nothing wrong.

Good idea

Standard behaviour to invite children in to stroke your shy pussy?

Right you are doll.