My children were invited into a strangers house! Am I over reacting?

[Flowers94]

This is quite long but basically my children are 8&9 and have been playing out at the back of our house for a few months but know where they can and can’t go. a few days ago they’ve gone out and when I’ve gone to shout them in they weren’t responding so I’ve panicked and when they returned about 10 mins later they’ve been in a house about 12 door up stroking a cat.
I’ve explained the them about stranger danger and asked what’s happened and they’ve said the cat was lost so they’ve found it and this couple have said to them that the cat is shy so do they want to come in and stroke/feed the cat.

i went mad at the kids which I maybe shouldn’t have done but they know we don’t go into strangers houses, I am considering going to this couples house and suggesting they don’t invite children into their home as to me that’s extremely odd.
is this an overreaction on my part? Or do normal adults invite children into their homes to stroke there pets

I don’t think it’s your fault. I was told never to go in this persons house. I still went in once. We were told you can play out up to the main road, or you can play up to the railway but no further etc. we always did as we knocked for a friend across the road! And we were street wise kids too, always on the look out for weirdos.

until we weren’t. He had a dog as well, used to sit in the garden with it. But if a stranger pulled up next to us and said “wanna see some puppies” we’d have booted the car and run away screaming. The situation and familiarity changes kids reactions.

Some people will be very aware not to invite strange kids in, but that is a self protection thing, not for the kids benefit. I know I am not a risk to kids, but I wouldn't want to be falsely accused of anything.

Other people it would never occur to that their is anything wrong with it. There have been threads on MN about kids inviting themselves into other families homes.

As a PP said the couple didn't actually do anything remotely wrong except be neighbourly. I certainly wouldn't have a go at them.
Your kids maybe should have known better, and you are right to be annoyed, but don't hold it against them either.

It is an over reaction and I did this regularly as a child.

As an adult, I found that at least 2 of the homes I used to visit and play with their dogs were convicted peadophiles.
So I too would probably over react.

The biggest threat to our kids is people we know and trust but I still think that kids need to be taught that they shouldn’t go into a strangers home.

I would try not to be angry with them and just explain that not everyone’s nice and so it’s important that they don’t go into anyone’s home unless they tell you first.

It is an over reaction and I did this regularly as a child.

As an adult, I found that at least 2 of the homes I used to visit and play with their dogs were convicted peadophiles.
So I too would probably over react.

The biggest threat to our kids is people we know and trust but I still think that kids need to be taught that they shouldn’t go into a strangers home.

I would try not to be angry with them and just explain that not everyone’s nice and so it’s important that they don’t go into anyone’s home unless they tell you first.

It’s this kind of attitude which leads to most people never helping a child when they’re in distress because of what they could be accused of.

Children need to be taught to be careful, and need to be taught how to interact with strangers, not that strangers are dangerous and should be avoided at all times.

The vast majority of children who are abused and worse are abused by someone they know. We shouldn’t spend so much time concentrating on strangers that we lose sight of the people known to us who are far more likely to be a danger to your children.

I wouldn't just focus on stranger's houses either. They shouldn't go in ANYONES house without your OK.

It doesn't matter what your friends would or wouldn't do.

The world is full of a huge variety of different people who have different outlooks and opinions and cultural backgrounds.

Some people would not bat an eyelid about children from their neighbourhood coming into their house. It's really not your place to go and 'educate' them about how they should behave (according to you).

If you don't want your children going into people's houses and told them not to, then it's your children who are at fault for disobeying you. It's nothing to do with this couple and they will not welcome you knocking on their door and telling them who they can or can't invite into their house.

Only got the kids word for it that this even happened

If they are unreliable enough to wander off then their account is not necessarily true

And you know this how?

Kudos to them if they managed to train a cat to pretend to be lost. Why after going to all that trouble would they decide not to have another go?

I'd expect child snatchers to be a bit more determined tbh

Yes I do think it’s a bit outside the norm for 2023. But they might have been older.

anyway my reasoning for them not being allowed out unsupervised is that they lack the experience and skills to make the right decision. They entered a random house. They should have said “my mum does not allow me to enter people’s houses unless she’s met them, but thank you for the offer”.

Children are abused by people they know - I hope people realise that includes the lovely friendly neighbour who has built the trust of the child and parents?

I wouldn't invite strange kids in, who knows what they may say or do..

But it's for you to parent your children, not me, not my responsibility! It wouldn't be illegal for me to invite your children into my home, as long as they were free to leave any time they wanted.

Children that she are not reliable, they forget they aren't supposed to wander off, go into other people's homes. You have given them too much responsibility. Is the reason why can't play in the garden?

This is what happens when we live in a society convinced there's a paedophile behind every bush. Seriously chill. Not everyone is a child killer. Some people have no Ill intention and are actually quite normal.

I would call around to the couples home. I can’t think of any normal adult who would invite children they don’t know into their home, to feed a pet. Worse yet, you mention they have no young children themselves? Totally bizarre.

Same age as you, and same. There have been lots of kids playing out here all Summer and wandering about so presumably their parents are happy with that.

I have my neighbours 2 kids at my house most weekends but it's all prearranged. Once or twice the kids have turned up unexpectedly and the first thing I do is make sure their mum knows exactly where they are. I wouldn't have them in my house without their parents knowing and these are kids I have been babysitting for about 5 years now.

What my neighbours do which works well is send the kids out with a walkie talkie. That way if they want to come over to mine (we have a bigger garden with better areas for dens) when they are playing out they can let their mum know via the walkie talkie and I then know that she knows

I think it's probably a good idea to talk to the couple but better to drill into the kids that they aren't to go into anyones house without permission

Thank goodness for you, I thought I was the only poster who doesn't live in fear of the outside world and assumes everyone is some kind of threat

I actually disagree and don't think you should have gone mad at them. They are less likely to tell you the truth in the future should something else happen as they may be concerned that if they encounter a problem, you will blame them. The fact that you are upset is perfectly understandable though. I would knock on the door of the neighbour and make it very clear to them that they are never to invite your children into their home again. I don't care how innocent they might appear, they should not be inviting little children into their home unattended. It reminds me of the classic stranger danger stuff, when people use puppies/kittens/sweets to befriend kids and gain their trust.

Decent people don't invite kids in to their homes, they ask them to check with a parent/carer first.

Your children are not old enough to be going out alone if they accepted to go into someone’s home. It’s basic telling kids even if they offer sweets or a stroke of a cat. You do not go under any circumstances.

Not every one is a threat, but there are adults out there that seek to harm children.
It's sensible to be cautious of adults who act unusually, push boundaries, or seek to be alone with children when they have no reason to.
There isn't a paedophile behind every bush but there might well be one living on your street, there are almost certainly several in your town.

I agree it’s strange they felt comfortable inviting your children in.
Were they elderly?
Also, I’d maybe pop round and explain that you’ve been teaching them stranger danger and whilst you’re sure they are very kind people, it might make your children more likely to go into other strangers’ houses who aren’t so kind and who don’t have good intentions.

My younger self would totally have been this person! I live in a city but I’m from a small close knit village and would have seen nothing strange about inviting some kids who were interested in my cat to come and pet them inside. Now I’m a parent I completely understand why this isn’t appropriate at all so faced with a similar situation I’d tell the child to run home and ask a parent if they were allowed. But younger naive me wouldn’t have thought about it for a second. (And I’m not a weirdo or a nutter).

I don't think they used a kitten 'to entice' them - that's hyperbole really

Reading the OP - kids 'found' cat (accosted a cat in the street and took it home' - then asked to pet the cat - adults said 'it's shy' and said you can come in to a moment to pet it - yes in retrospect adults should not have (mainly because they risk the peado hysteria seen here) but they didn't come out of the house and wave a cat shouting 'here kids come in and see it' !

Talk to your kids and explain that you need to know where they are, playing out means playing OUT and if they are invited into their friends/neighbours houses they have to ask FIRST.

Stranger danger is not a great policy really - as these people, once the kids had met them - aren't strangers to the kids, add to that most kids are abused by people their families know and trust - maybe start talking about feelings, saying no to things that feel uncomfortable and building trust so they share with you.

My 3, and all the neighbourhood kids used to hang out with the older woman who owned Candy the dog - she even held a birthday party and they where invited - I always went with them when invited over, really just to check who was there - when her 'friend' a middle aged man (probably just a friend) appeared more and more frequently I put a gentle stop to it because that felt uncomfortable to me - they never went into her house without me and I made sure she understood that this was my rule

I would have read them the riot act and I would also have gone round and told the couple this is completely inappropriate and never to dare again.

fwiw this happened when I was younger and our friend’s cat had had kittens in the house next door. The people next door were students (so not grown adults as such but still adults to us as kids) and invited us in to see the kittens. We had the sense to say we had to ask our parents first, who knowing we were only next door and being able to see over the fence into the room we were going to allowed us to go (and we later cajoled them into adopting one of the kittens). Your kids should be very clearly taught that they don’t go with anyone (even non-strangers) without asking you first.