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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel fed up of our lives revolving round DPs hobby?

266 replies

Noisettegelato · 04/09/2023 18:32

Ok so it’s maybe a bit dramatic to say our lives revolve around it, but sometimes it feels like it. DP is a big football fan and supports a team nowhere near where we live (how convenient).

He tends to go to around 1 home game a month (sometimes 2) but sometimes every 6 weeks or so. He is away for around 13 hours that day. He absolutely must (🙄) watch every single home and away game on the tv if he isn’t at the game. This means weekend plans are structured in a way to suit him being home in time to watch the football (this included him rushing away from functions early).

He also plays football twice a week with friends.

All of this wouldn’t didn’t annoy me too much at the start of our relationship, as I felt it didn’t impact my life that much. We then got a dog and I got caught up in the excitement of getting said dog that I didn’t really think about being on my own with him for some weekend days every month.

I’m starting to get annoyed that DP has an expectation that he will get to watch the football in absolute peace, while I entertain the puppy.

The thing that annoys me the most is the complete lack of appreciation he has for me working my weekend plans around being solely responsible for the dog some weekend days. The dog can be left for a few hours but to be honest it restricts what I can do at the weekend, as I need to make sure I’m home for the dog. Any time I have said I feel restricted, he said that it wouldn’t bother him being solely responsible for the dog for 13 hours (suggesting that I’m being unreasonable for being bothered by it).

My final annoyance is that he has booked to go and watch the team abroad, on my birthday.

I’m not sure what I’m looking for here but am I being selfish for feeling this way?

OP posts:
herewegoroundthebastardbush · 04/09/2023 18:34

He sounds like a dickhead. Luckily you have no kids so you can leave without too much angst. Leave him with the dog and see how he manages with it. And find someone who isn't so utterly selfish and boring next time.

herewegoroundthebastardbush · 04/09/2023 18:35

And of you do for some mad reason decide to stay, do not under any circumstances have kids with him or it will be this x100000

MairzyDoats · 04/09/2023 18:36

Leave the boring prick before you have children!!

AnObserverInThisDarkWorld · 04/09/2023 18:38

This is just what extreme football fans are like. Or "dedicated" as they'd say...

Sounds like your life is also hugely tied up by the dog if you can't leave it and have to entertain it. It's not a child...

NeverDropYourMooncup · 04/09/2023 18:39

What would he do with the dog if you left him before your birthday?

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 04/09/2023 18:39

You need to divide up the dog weekend by weekend. If it's 'his ' weekend and he has football on , then he needs to find a pet sitter.

Call his bluff- go on weekends away with your single girlfriends and leave the dog with him. See if he has anything to say.

If you think 'he'd just leave the dog I'd feel too bad for it being lonely he wouldn't walk it' then he's an asshole and you should never have kids with him and leave him.

The being away for your birthday isn't kind at all.

What are you getting out of this relationship? You need a serious talk with him about what's reasonable - yes he's a fan and he values his boy time bonding with his pals but he has a relationship too whcih also needs a lot of nurturing or it will dwindle. Is he ok with that risk?

DrMarshaFieldstone · 04/09/2023 18:39

This will not get any better. Be thankful you had a preview before you tied yourself to him with children.

emmetgirl · 04/09/2023 18:39

Never have kids with this fuckwit.

LylaLee · 04/09/2023 18:40

It's actually really childish of him. It screams someone who lacks an actual personality. 'my identity is x team supporter.'

Find someone who understands that a hobby is a fun background thing. Not something that rules your life.

Cherrysoup · 04/09/2023 18:40

My Dh is very into American football which involves one night a week in the season, although his shifts often preclude him watching. The birthday thing wouldn’t bother me, it’s not like he can choose when they play abroad. I’m assuming you knew he was a big fan when you got together? No dc from what you say. Maybe if there were dc involved, you’d have good reason to complain, I mean, you have good reason if it’s all the time and he leaves functions to watch?! However, I think time apart for individual hobbies (says the horse owner 😳)

user1477391263 · 04/09/2023 18:41

Whose idea was the dog?

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 04/09/2023 18:41

Everyone is saying how bad he is BUT I'm not sure if OP has actually given him any ultimatums she is just saying 'I'm starting to get annoyed'

She needs to get very clear on her needs and her standards and communicate them clearly to him. If THEN there is still Nov hangs then consider walking and don't get pregnant in the meantime

Merryoldgoat · 04/09/2023 18:42

In what way is this a fulfilling relationship?

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 04/09/2023 18:42

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 04/09/2023 18:41

Everyone is saying how bad he is BUT I'm not sure if OP has actually given him any ultimatums she is just saying 'I'm starting to get annoyed'

She needs to get very clear on her needs and her standards and communicate them clearly to him. If THEN there is still Nov hangs then consider walking and don't get pregnant in the meantime

No change *

user1477391263 · 04/09/2023 18:43

Posted too soon, but: both of you should have thought a lot more carefully about getting a dog. At the moment, I seem to be constantly hearing stories about people who got dogs in the last few years and didn't think until it was too late about the way that they restrict your lifestyle, and the fact that the woman very often winds up doing most of the dog care and cleaning.

LylaLee · 04/09/2023 18:43

He'll change for a few months (in the off season) then say, 'you knew what I was like.'

Ohthatsabitshit · 04/09/2023 18:43

Do you not have equal access to away days and hobby time? If not why not?

Tinkerbyebye · 04/09/2023 18:43

So just do the same to him. Go away/out etc when he is not at football and he can dog sit

Original poster
Noisettegelato · 04/09/2023 18:44

Thanks for your replies so far, glad I’m not being unreasonable.

He would never be cruel to the dog so if I was to go on a weekend away for example, he would either cancel the football or send him to the dog boarder.

I’ve obviously enabled this behaviour and I over the summer I forgot how much it annoys me as there was no football on.

He often says he knows his life can’t revolve around football if we have kids but he certainly doesn’t fill me with confidence.

Can anyone suggest a hobby I can do that will take up quite as much time?!

OP posts:
Thequeenofthetypis · 04/09/2023 18:44

Absolutely do not under any circumstances have children with this man.
If you're not planning kids anyway, then just work out a schedule. And also take up a very very time consuming hobby yourself, which involves plenty of travel!

hidinginthegarden · 04/09/2023 18:44

Another one questioning why you got the dog! And can't the dog be left alone sometimes? The dog doesn't need entertaining for 13 hours a day.

And if you have kids, he won't change <speaking from experience>. He'll say he will but it'll slip back in and before you know it.......

suburbophobe · 04/09/2023 18:44

My final annoyance is that he has booked to go and watch the team abroad, on my birthday.

He just doesn't care about you. Sorry.

It's all about him. Get out before you have children with him..

BellaTheDarkOverlord · 04/09/2023 18:45

I couldn’t be with someone so into football. It’s so boring. I can just manage NFL which is now going to be on every Sunday evening in our house. Luckily dh can’t go watch his supported team monthly as they are in US!

Leave the dog with him and go out all day.

Malapataraso · 04/09/2023 18:45

What is DP? Is this your boyfriend or your husband? The initialisms on this site are so effing annoying. Also, how long have you been together? Do you have children? You want people to weigh in with very limited information which makes me think you aren’t seriously looking for anything except a place to complain. No one can help you with the information you’ve given us.

hidinginthegarden · 04/09/2023 18:45

Oh and there is always football on Valentine's Day. Always. I swear the people who organise the fixtures are men!