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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel fed up of our lives revolving round DPs hobby?

266 replies

Noisettegelato · 04/09/2023 18:32

Ok so it’s maybe a bit dramatic to say our lives revolve around it, but sometimes it feels like it. DP is a big football fan and supports a team nowhere near where we live (how convenient).

He tends to go to around 1 home game a month (sometimes 2) but sometimes every 6 weeks or so. He is away for around 13 hours that day. He absolutely must (🙄) watch every single home and away game on the tv if he isn’t at the game. This means weekend plans are structured in a way to suit him being home in time to watch the football (this included him rushing away from functions early).

He also plays football twice a week with friends.

All of this wouldn’t didn’t annoy me too much at the start of our relationship, as I felt it didn’t impact my life that much. We then got a dog and I got caught up in the excitement of getting said dog that I didn’t really think about being on my own with him for some weekend days every month.

I’m starting to get annoyed that DP has an expectation that he will get to watch the football in absolute peace, while I entertain the puppy.

The thing that annoys me the most is the complete lack of appreciation he has for me working my weekend plans around being solely responsible for the dog some weekend days. The dog can be left for a few hours but to be honest it restricts what I can do at the weekend, as I need to make sure I’m home for the dog. Any time I have said I feel restricted, he said that it wouldn’t bother him being solely responsible for the dog for 13 hours (suggesting that I’m being unreasonable for being bothered by it).

My final annoyance is that he has booked to go and watch the team abroad, on my birthday.

I’m not sure what I’m looking for here but am I being selfish for feeling this way?

OP posts:
ihadamarveloustime · 04/09/2023 21:17

I've never understood these immature men; it's like they're stunted and stopped growing at some (young) point in their lives.

Sorry, OP. If you don't want to live the rest of your life like this, then you'll have to have a think.

LifeIsGreatForUnicorns · 04/09/2023 21:19

I have a husband like your DP. it’s actually worse as mine worked shifts as well …

You said you are starting to get annoyed but if you were to say that you were doing something on a football day, he would not go it send the dog to the boarder.

I’m not sure what else you would want him to do?

If you choose not to ask him to have the dog that day then you can’t really moan, can you?

If you have asked him and said I am out all day and he’s not willing to sort the dog, then you have something to moan about.

Is there a reason you don’t want to join him?

ThereIbledit · 04/09/2023 21:20

At the beginning he would take the puppy with him but the past twice he hasn’t taken him as he said he doesn’t get a good sleep when the dog goes with him 🤦🏻‍♀️.

He is due to go up next weekend and is leaving the dog with me. I’m feeling a bit fed up as I have a big exam that I need to revise for and can only manage around 3 hours on the days I’m alone with him

So tell him. Tell him exactly that you need the weekend to revise and will need him to take the dog with him this weekend.

Yalta · 04/09/2023 21:23

Whilst it might not seem like that much a couple of evenings playing, an away game fixture once per month and a couple of hours at the weekend watching a match. Its that those evenings, those away matches (which have turned into a few nights away) and that couple of hours at the weekend can’t be moved. Nothing can get in the way of those fixtures and if they are anywhere doing anything then not only does he have to leave to get home to watch the match but op has to as well.

Add in that one weekend per month visiting family and The occasional extra extra away game each month and it doesn’t matter what op wants to do he absolutely must be home at 3pm on a Saturday for the kickoff

I wonder what he would do if op insisted that every Sunday she had to return home to watch something on tv. She spent a weekend away visiting family and 2 evening per week in the gym and then went away for the whole day on Sunday

The relationship would be over as they would never see each other

GodDammitCecil · 04/09/2023 21:29

LifeIsGreatForUnicorns · 04/09/2023 21:19

I have a husband like your DP. it’s actually worse as mine worked shifts as well …

You said you are starting to get annoyed but if you were to say that you were doing something on a football day, he would not go it send the dog to the boarder.

I’m not sure what else you would want him to do?

If you choose not to ask him to have the dog that day then you can’t really moan, can you?

If you have asked him and said I am out all day and he’s not willing to sort the dog, then you have something to moan about.

Is there a reason you don’t want to join him?

She’s not interested in football?

What other answer are you looking for?

ImNotWorthy · 04/09/2023 21:30

He sounds a bit selfish to me. Clearly his priorities are football, football, and you-and-the-dog. In that order. Unless I should have put the-dog-and-you?

jeaux90 · 04/09/2023 21:32

Ditch him. Find a rugby man. Way more balanced Grin

Thequeenofthetypis · 04/09/2023 21:34

And if he's not prepared to have a puppy keeping him up at night he is 100% not ready for a baby.

BanditsOnTheHorizon · 04/09/2023 21:36

Tell him you've got an exam coming up and he'll need to take the dog with him. It's more important you study than he gets a good nights sleep on a weekend

Autieangel · 04/09/2023 21:40

I don't know if you are planning to but I wouldn't start a family with this man.

Livinginanotherworld · 04/09/2023 21:40

switswoo81 · 04/09/2023 18:47

He spends one day a month at a game and then watches the matches which is less than two hours. How many times a week does a premiership team play(?) and then he plays football a couple of nights a week.
Ye have no children just one puppy?
Am I totally lost I can't see the problem with this.

Yes I’m thinking the same, my other half is a season ticket holder, goes to every game, what’s the problem ? Get yourself a hobby.

Septemberdaysarehere · 04/09/2023 21:42

My ex was a runner. Up at 5 am and bang bang bang with his high carbs breakfast - weekends off running Saturday and Sunday until at least noon.

then back and shower and lunch and then - nap as he was tired. At least 3 times a week back at 6 pm dinner and out running until 9pm. Even honeymoon he was up and running every single day.

he promised to scale it back when we had children he didn’t. Then he accused me of being lazy as I was in looking after the children whilst he was running. I was boring - no shit Sherlock up all night breast feeding and you are out every evening. He then told me I had a choice every night I could run and he would childmind or vice versa. I didn’t want to go running. Leaving him was easy.

He still runs and has no other life.

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 04/09/2023 21:52

LylaLee · 04/09/2023 18:40

It's actually really childish of him. It screams someone who lacks an actual personality. 'my identity is x team supporter.'

Find someone who understands that a hobby is a fun background thing. Not something that rules your life.

"Fun background thing"? I work a job I dislike to fund the thing I actually love and I know I'm not alone in this.

That's not to say that OP should stay. If her DP's interests and level of commitment to said interests aren't compatible with her lifestyle, ending the relationship is the fairest thing for both parties.

Blackblueandgold · 04/09/2023 21:53

Supernova23 · 04/09/2023 19:26

God you lot are boring! Female season ticket holder here, go to most home games and the odd away game. If I’m at home on the weekend I’ll sit and watch it on the telly. My team is local though. I bloody adore the football, great day out and when the bug gets you that’s it. Been going to games since I was a kid. Go along, you might enjoy it!

Same here!

Original poster
Noisettegelato · 04/09/2023 21:56

I understand that the days and evenings don’t amount to a load of time in the grand scheme of things. And as a PP suggested, I don’t actually want to be joined at the hip with him. It’s just frustrating that weekend plans etc together need to revolve around when the football is on

OP posts:
SurprisedWithAH0RSE · 04/09/2023 21:57

Thequeenofthetypis · 04/09/2023 18:44

Absolutely do not under any circumstances have children with this man.
If you're not planning kids anyway, then just work out a schedule. And also take up a very very time consuming hobby yourself, which involves plenty of travel!

This. you will end up hating him .

Totalwasteofpaper · 04/09/2023 21:58

herewegoroundthebastardbush · 04/09/2023 18:34

He sounds like a dickhead. Luckily you have no kids so you can leave without too much angst. Leave him with the dog and see how he manages with it. And find someone who isn't so utterly selfish and boring next time.

First post has it.

Imsureitsprobablymebut · 04/09/2023 21:58

The dog is a child isn’t it.

But you know you can’t say on MN that you chose to have kids with this selfish turnip.

monsteramunch · 04/09/2023 21:59

He is due to go up next weekend and is leaving the dog with me. I’m feeling a bit fed up as I have a big exam that I need to revise for and can only manage around 3 hours on the days I’m alone with him

So he's decided that him having a good night's sleep that night is more important than you being able to revise for your exam? Why does he get to unilaterally decide to leave the dog with you? Your equals, surely? It's a discussion, not something he gets to just have the final say on!

Paq · 04/09/2023 22:02

He sounds really selfish. He prioritises his needs, wants and comfort over yours all the time. Luckily you don't have many ties to him.

Don't marry or have children with this one.

AuntieStella · 04/09/2023 22:03

I said YABU because you know all these things about him (which I'd personally find a complete turn off) but have still sleepwalked yourself into this situation.

It seems that he's never mislead you, or faked what he's like. And yet you make further commitments, to him and to the dog. Why?

Nounderwireplease · 04/09/2023 22:05

Do not have children with him.

BitOutOfPractice · 04/09/2023 22:06

@Noisettegelato are you actually going to take any responsibility for getting a dog when you clearly hadn’t thought though the consequences. Like so many people now, you got a dog without any real though about how it will impact you. You should’ve thought it through properly not, “got carried away with the excitement.” Very poor decision making I’d say. You knew what DP’s schedule was. If you weren’t prepared to look after the dog knowing that, then you shouldn’t have got it. It’s the poor dog I feel sorry for to be honest. Not you.

Original poster
Noisettegelato · 04/09/2023 22:16

BitOutOfPractice · 04/09/2023 22:06

@Noisettegelato are you actually going to take any responsibility for getting a dog when you clearly hadn’t thought though the consequences. Like so many people now, you got a dog without any real though about how it will impact you. You should’ve thought it through properly not, “got carried away with the excitement.” Very poor decision making I’d say. You knew what DP’s schedule was. If you weren’t prepared to look after the dog knowing that, then you shouldn’t have got it. It’s the poor dog I feel sorry for to be honest. Not you.

My dog is perfectly happy and very well looked after. If anything, it’s my own fault for feeling guilty for leaving him on his own for any longer than 2 hours. He’s extremely loved however he is hard work as he is just a puppy, so it would be nice if 1. My partner appreciated the fact that I spend much more of my time looking after him than he does, 2. Recognised that it would be nice for me to get a night to myself now and again. I don’t think that makes me a bad dog owner

OP posts:
Illbebythesea · 04/09/2023 22:17

A night to yourself? It’s a dog not a baby 🤣 bizarre.