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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel fed up of our lives revolving round DPs hobby?

266 replies

Noisettegelato · 04/09/2023 18:32

Ok so it’s maybe a bit dramatic to say our lives revolve around it, but sometimes it feels like it. DP is a big football fan and supports a team nowhere near where we live (how convenient).

He tends to go to around 1 home game a month (sometimes 2) but sometimes every 6 weeks or so. He is away for around 13 hours that day. He absolutely must (🙄) watch every single home and away game on the tv if he isn’t at the game. This means weekend plans are structured in a way to suit him being home in time to watch the football (this included him rushing away from functions early).

He also plays football twice a week with friends.

All of this wouldn’t didn’t annoy me too much at the start of our relationship, as I felt it didn’t impact my life that much. We then got a dog and I got caught up in the excitement of getting said dog that I didn’t really think about being on my own with him for some weekend days every month.

I’m starting to get annoyed that DP has an expectation that he will get to watch the football in absolute peace, while I entertain the puppy.

The thing that annoys me the most is the complete lack of appreciation he has for me working my weekend plans around being solely responsible for the dog some weekend days. The dog can be left for a few hours but to be honest it restricts what I can do at the weekend, as I need to make sure I’m home for the dog. Any time I have said I feel restricted, he said that it wouldn’t bother him being solely responsible for the dog for 13 hours (suggesting that I’m being unreasonable for being bothered by it).

My final annoyance is that he has booked to go and watch the team abroad, on my birthday.

I’m not sure what I’m looking for here but am I being selfish for feeling this way?

OP posts:
FKATondelayo · 04/09/2023 18:46

He sounds tedious and I speak as someone with 2 sons and a husband who are football fans - all for different teams - and our lives do involve a lot of football. But they would never renege on social commitments or leave events early to watch games. It's not the football so much as the monomania and refusal to have other commitments.

Can anyone suggest a hobby I can do that will take up quite as much time?!
Online dating.

switswoo81 · 04/09/2023 18:47

He spends one day a month at a game and then watches the matches which is less than two hours. How many times a week does a premiership team play(?) and then he plays football a couple of nights a week.
Ye have no children just one puppy?
Am I totally lost I can't see the problem with this.

HarrietofFire · 04/09/2023 18:47

Why don't you try to get into it and watch with him OP?

thehonscupboard · 04/09/2023 18:47

I think it depends on how honest he was about his obsession before you got together/early on in your relationship. If you knew that was what he was like when you two got together then I think it's unfair of you to suddenly expect him to change, unless you bought the dog on the proviso that he would alter his behaviour. Unless you started going out during lockdown when there was no football?!

Thequeenofthetypis · 04/09/2023 18:47

Any hobby will do really. Cycling and golf seem to take up alot of time! But anything, bridge, Bell ringing, choir, hiking.

Original poster
Noisettegelato · 04/09/2023 18:48

Malapataraso · 04/09/2023 18:45

What is DP? Is this your boyfriend or your husband? The initialisms on this site are so effing annoying. Also, how long have you been together? Do you have children? You want people to weigh in with very limited information which makes me think you aren’t seriously looking for anything except a place to complain. No one can help you with the information you’ve given us.

My partner of just over two years. To be honest yes I’m just looking for a place to complain!

There are definitely enough things about our relationship that make it a fulfilling one (hard to tell from this post I know!) but from reading the replies I’m glad to see I’m not being unreasonable.

I’m not going to end the relationship over this, but I definitely need to communicate my boundaries and find a very time intensive hobby!

OP posts:
Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 04/09/2023 18:49

I agree with the others. He doesn't give a shit about you.

The whole "it'll be different when he has kids". No it won't. And why is he such a loser that his football has to come first of functions etc? A football game over something special. What a life.
Leave leave leave

OnAMidnightTrainToGeorgia · 04/09/2023 18:49

Do you share finances?

Must work out quite expensive?

Thepeopleversuswork · 04/09/2023 18:49

urgh. Dump him.

Thisismynewusername1 · 04/09/2023 18:49

I’m on a Disney planning Facebook group. The amount of posts from men asking where is showing “the game”, or women asking where there men can watch it.

honestly if I’d spent 10k on a holiday to fucking Florida and £££ park tickets I’d be furious at him checking out to go sit in a pub watching football.

anyway irrelevant, but no way could I put up with a football “fan”. Would drive me mad.

Thequeenofthetypis · 04/09/2023 18:50

@FKATondelayo s suggestion works too😅

LightSpeeds · 04/09/2023 18:50

DO NOT have children with this man.

suburbophobe · 04/09/2023 18:53

What is DP? Is this your boyfriend or your husband? The initialisms on this site are so effing annoying.

Welcome to Mumsnet. DP means "Darling Partner". Could be husband or boyfriend or live-in partner. Male or female too. Men are allowed to post thank god.

There's a list of Acronyms. Check them, and then give some constructive advice to the OP. (= Opening Poster)

Stritzel · 04/09/2023 18:54

This would bore me to tears 😅 but I was tortured by a football OBSESSED Step parent and swore I'd never get into a relationship with someone that obsessed with any sport.

PuppyMonkey · 04/09/2023 18:55

He sounds like a boring twat. Leave him watching the telly with the dog and bugger off out with someone more interesting.

Spottywombat · 04/09/2023 18:56

Not all dogs can be left and no dog should be left for many hours. It may not be a child but it does need looking after proper looking after.

But otherwise I agree with all the other posters, don't have kids with him and he doesn't care what you think.

My DH expected default dog care but I had a chat and now it's very fair plus we've been together many years, so it's a bit different. For a variety of reasons, our dogs need extra care just now and we're splitting it as we are a team but your DP doesn't sound that interested in your life.

GreyBlackBay · 04/09/2023 18:58

In general I'd think what he's doing is fine. Most of a day out once a month plus 3 hours on a Saturday watching TV.

Again for his weekend hobby, it is not an unreasonable amount of time to spend on a hobby.

The dog is a seperate issue. You say puppy so hopefully it's quite temporary until he's well settled then it'd only be once a month that you need to factor into your plans.

Even with DC I don't think this is a particularly unreasonable amount of time to be spending apart, so long as you also have the same opportunities and you both have good times together.

But what I think doesnt matter. You seem to be unhappy with him spending this time on his hobby even without the dog. You need to leave, you are not compatible. Find someone with more flexible hobbies, or who shares your interests, or even has no interests. Whatever works for you.

He is an absolute arse for going away for your birthday. That's sufficient grounds to leave alone.

FoxtrotOscarFoxtrotOscar · 04/09/2023 19:00

Cannot fathom why you have no interests, sporting activities or hobbies of your own.
You're living on the periphery of this man's life and his sole interest is football.

Loopytiles · 04/09/2023 19:01

If you want DC would think hard about what your DP could be like as a partner to you and a father. Based on his behaviour to date.

He has shown you, for example, that his hobby is a higher priority for him than your time or sharing responsibilities fairly. Suggesting selfishness and lack of respect for you.

Daleksatemyshed · 04/09/2023 19:03

But he was like this from the start, wasn't he Op? It's only now that you can see the problem with football coming before everything else. If you're thinking of having DC then he needs to show willingness to change first, far too easy to say he'll change after DC then not do it. Him going abroad on your birthday doesn't bode well

TheHouseElf · 04/09/2023 19:05

He will carrying on doing the same if you have children with him, so be aware. You could always get a dog sitter occasionally should you want to go out for longer periods of time and have a bit more free time for yourself.

Littlewhitecat · 04/09/2023 19:05

I have a DH and DS who have season tickets for a team 150 miles from where we live. DS also plays football. I can't stand the sport. However I've been with DH 30 years, glad he has a hobby as so many middle aged men lost interest in everything and something in common with DS. I'm just resigned to the fact that from August to March they are out all day every other Saturday apart from international breaks. I insist that all games are in the diary as soon as they know the dates and football does not take precedence over important family stuff. To be honest I've reached that point in my relationship where i enjoy having the house to myself 🤣. Plus DD and I have had some great overseas breaks of the back of them going to the footie.

LylaLee · 04/09/2023 19:07

switswoo81 · 04/09/2023 18:47

He spends one day a month at a game and then watches the matches which is less than two hours. How many times a week does a premiership team play(?) and then he plays football a couple of nights a week.
Ye have no children just one puppy?
Am I totally lost I can't see the problem with this.

Two nights every week playing. One afternoon a week watching a game.

One weekend a month away. (That's going to cost).

MargotBamborough · 04/09/2023 19:09

Unless you are willing to put up with this for the next 50 years you need to end the relationship.

OhComeOnFFS · 04/09/2023 19:10

He's living like a single man and you're naive if you think that will change when you have children.

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