To feel fed up of our lives revolving round DPs hobby?

[Noisettegelato]

Ok so it’s maybe a bit dramatic to say our lives revolve around it, but sometimes it feels like it. DP is a big football fan and supports a team nowhere near where we live (how convenient).

He tends to go to around 1 home game a month (sometimes 2) but sometimes every 6 weeks or so. He is away for around 13 hours that day. He absolutely must (🙄) watch every single home and away game on the tv if he isn’t at the game. This means weekend plans are structured in a way to suit him being home in time to watch the football (this included him rushing away from functions early).

He also plays football twice a week with friends.

All of this wouldn’t didn’t annoy me too much at the start of our relationship, as I felt it didn’t impact my life that much. We then got a dog and I got caught up in the excitement of getting said dog that I didn’t really think about being on my own with him for some weekend days every month.

I’m starting to get annoyed that DP has an expectation that he will get to watch the football in absolute peace, while I entertain the puppy.

The thing that annoys me the most is the complete lack of appreciation he has for me working my weekend plans around being solely responsible for the dog some weekend days. The dog can be left for a few hours but to be honest it restricts what I can do at the weekend, as I need to make sure I’m home for the dog. Any time I have said I feel restricted, he said that it wouldn’t bother him being solely responsible for the dog for 13 hours (suggesting that I’m being unreasonable for being bothered by it).

My final annoyance is that he has booked to go and watch the team abroad, on my birthday.

I’m not sure what I’m looking for here but am I being selfish for feeling this way?

We’re both like this, we just make sure nothing clashes so our children aren’t in childcare when it hits a weekend, surely on his none sport weekends he should lead on the dog?

DH was like that, though not as extreme and is better now. There was the a time when my side of the family would be coming over for long planned meet up and he suddenly said he and DC1 couldn't do that date because a match had been rescheduled. We had to rebook the date.
Other things as well. Infuriating.

If the dog is perceived as such a burden and hard work, I don't think ANYONE in this set up is ready to have children. It's a dog for God's sake, you make it fit around your life, not rule your life. I manage one dog, two children, a house and a full time job and a reasonably good social life. As to the partner, he sounds very keen but not particularly out of the norm in British culture to be honest.

I was thinking the same thing! Home games are normally every fortnight, with one game on the other weeks.

I personally don't think it's that bad and presumably it's always been this way 🤷🏼‍♀️

@Noisettegelato my DP is exactly the same. Except he has a season ticket so goes to all home games. Before we moved in together it didn’t bother me as I actually lived walking distance from the football ground, so he came to mine on those days. away games he kept track of score on his phone so we did things and he just looked at his phone.

Now we live together he goes to pub for all away games. He has a hobby 2 days a week too. He decided we couldn’t go away during football season and was also going to join a supporter’s club to go to away games.

He got the look of death from me. He kept saying I knew about football when I met him. But I was a game every 2nd weekend and he did miss games if needed.

it came to a head when he tried to sell tickets we got 6 months in advance when football got changed. I won that fight.

our compromise is we can go away on away games and no pub. In all fairness out of season he plans lots of things for us. It’s just one day a fortnight he does his thing.

I seem to be in the minority, but I really don't see a problem with what he's doing.

He goes to watch football every 4-6 weeks, plays twice a week in the evenings and watches the game on TV one afternoon a week. That seems like a perfectly normal amount of time to spend on a hobby to me

The dog doesn't need constant supervision - I also don't really understand why he can't watch the football and supervise the puppy at the same time?

But he doesn't look after the dog for 13 hours a day by himself. He fucks off whenever he likes and leaves you to do it. Things will get worse if you have children, not better. He's showing you by his actions now what sort of responsibility-swerving, man-child he is

This doesn't sound that bad to me? The birthday thing would bother me unless my partner had shown he was putting in the effort on a different day, but this is less time than DH and I each spend on our hobbies, and we also have a dog (and no kids).

I'll admit I'm also a football fan and will try and schedule stuff around when my team plays; DH hates football but has his own thing which takes up even more time on the weekend so we spend a lot of time separately. I have other hobbies too and probably spend about 15-20 hours a week on them. Granted reading that back others will probably find that excessive!

I think you need to get some hard evidence! Log the times he is away watching football, tied up watching football, playing football. Do this for at least a month.

Then say that you are entitled to have as much time to follow your own interests, meet friends, chill out in the park without having to mind the dog.

Leaving all the responsibility for the dog to you is not fair. Either he picks up the slack himself or sources and pays for a dog day care / dog walker to cover his fair share of the dog care..

unfortunately this doesn’t cover the time you miss out on him being around for you to do nice things together, like celebrate your birthday, or even boring things like keeping the house clean. Those are a different story.

Hobbies you can do?

Golf - several hours walking around a golf course followed by a nice meal

• group golf lessons

• individual lessons

God you lot are boring! Female season ticket holder here, go to most home games and the odd away game. If I’m at home on the weekend I’ll sit and watch it on the telly. My team is local though. I bloody adore the football, great day out and when the bug gets you that’s it. Been going to games since I was a kid. Go along, you might enjoy it!

You know there's an edit function now? Hidden under the three dots at the top along with all the other options.

Yeah, no issue with people not liking football, but the notion that only men can be hardcore fans is not true.

So he has said that he knows his life can't revolve around football when he has kids? Yet you both committed to getting a dog and the responsibility that a dog entails and he still doesn't pull his weight with the dog. This is a preview of what life will be like if you have kids with this selfish twat. You have two options: dump him or just start making time for yourself. Add up the time he spends on his hobby and then you tell him that you're getting the same on other days.

I can't understand why he can't mind his dog when he's watching football at home? So his royal highness must not be disturbed at all during the match? Fuck that. The next time a match is on, bring the dog to him, say I'm off out. See you later. Dog is your responsibility. And walk out the door.

I don’t find his behaviour excessive (in the absence of children).

He can keep an eye on the dog when he’s watching matches at home.

Don’t ttc with him without discussing how childcare would work, though.

Who's dog is it if you split?

Well, I would love to sit and read a book for 13 hours and a couple of times a week but alas I have kids and can’t.

He is a jerk.

Thanks to those of you giving me some perspective and saying it doesn’t seem too bad.

Apologies for drip feeding, but once per month he visits family for the weekend. At the beginning he would take the puppy with him but the past twice he hasn’t taken him as he said he doesn’t get a good sleep when the dog goes with him 🤦🏻‍♀️.

He is due to go up next weekend and is leaving the dog with me. I’m feeling a bit fed up as I have a big exam that I need to revise for and can only manage around 3 hours on the days I’m alone with him

Why do you ‘need to find a hobby’? If you were interested out anything that much you’d be already doing it.

The bottom line is he loves football more than he loves you. Think about that. You are second best and always will be.

You want a time consuming hobby? As another pp said, try dating and find yourself someone better.

If you really can't study with the puppy at home, then insist he takes the puppy with him - tell him you're going to the library to study so he needs to care for the dog or book (and pay) for the boarder to have him.

LTB. This isn’t just a hobby, it’s taking up most of his life. You don’t want to end up stuck with kids all the time while he’s busy watching/playing football.

Can anyone suggest a hobby I can do that will take up quite as much time?!

Take up cycling. You'll need to train three times a week for 3-4 hours at a time. Afterwards you'll be so knackered that all you can do is lie on the sofa and eat crisps. You will also need lots of very expensive equipment and clothing. And you'll want to watch all the main races of the season, which will be every weekend from March to October and sometimes midweek, of at least three to four hours each. However, at least the racers aren't prima donnas like footballers.

I agree with the PP who said it depends on how much he was honest about it upfront.

Some people have big obsessive hobbies. Stuff that takes up a lot of time. One of my favourite health gurus that I follow online spends 8 hours in the gym a week at least an hour per day. A guy at work is obsessed with golf, he plays every weekend and is gone for most of the day and if it is a long weekend it can be twice. At least football has a season I guess.

It's clearly a big part of his life and always has been. YABU asking him to give up his passion but YANBU if you don't want to be with someone who has that passion.

You need to decide whether the good in him outweighs the football part and whether you can live with it.

The dog aside, I don't think you're compatible, and regardless of whether you like him or not currently, resentment will grow on both sides.

You want to be in a relationship where you're basically joined at the hip. Because
2 nights a week doing some exercise, A few hours watching tv of a weekend and one day out a month, when you don't have dc, is really not very much.

He wants to be in a relationship where he has a bit of freedom.

I'm afraid you're not compatible.

(You'd hate to be going out with me op, my ultimate ideal relationship would probably only involve seeing my dp a couple of times a week)

Then tell him to take the puppy that weekend your need to revise trumps his need to sloep