Nanny spending more than agreed on own expenses

[Saysomethingorwhatnot]

I’ve name changed for this as I post a lot in my usual name, and don’t want this linked to my other threads.

I am a single parent working full-time, and have a full-time live-out Nanny for my 3 primary school aged DC who does everything; childcare/activities/shopping/cooking/cleaning/washing/ironing/errands etc.

So that Nanny doesn’t need to constantly ask me for money to facilitate the above, I provide a bank card with a limited amount of cash available for her to spend on house/children related purchases.

I used to add £160 to Nanny’s monthly payslip to cover travelling round with the children (Nanny has own car), however I’ve recently bought a new car which Nanny knows she can use anytime (and actually Nanny does use my car regularly as I don’t at all during the week as I commute using trains).

A few months before I got my new car, Nanny asked if I could pay her the equivalent taxed cash (£30) on a weekly basis for petrol instead of through her monthly salary. I agreed as I know she struggles with managing her own money, and has asked me for advances at end of week 3/beginning of week 4 of a month a few times.

My bank has recently asked for my updated mobile details, and I’ve suddenly started receiving notifications. I received a bank notification today to say Nanny has spent the double the amount I advised she could spend on weekly petrol (so £60 instead of £30). Possibly because she was on annual leave one of the weeks, however my thought is that if she was on annual leave, she wasn’t ferrying the children around. Plus she has access to my car when with us, so I shouldn’t be paying her car expenses as well. I looked back through my bank statements and noticed she’d spent the same double amount (£60) a few times previously (either after annual leave or during school holidays).

I am a fair employer, paying a market rate salary, plus I give Nanny payslip bonuses and extra days off during the year. I can afford the extra amounts Nanny has spent on petrol as I earn a decent salary, however wondering whether I would be unreasonable to say no petrol expense except when with children and for only the agreed amount. It’s really quite sensitive, as she is very much part of our family, DC love her, and I couldn’t do what I do without her. Makes me feel I’m being petty to quibble over £30 here and there, but I must admit it has irked me. If general consensus is that I should leave it, then I will.

Grateful for any thoughts.

What a stupid jealous little response.

So unhelpful.

OP I have never had a nanny but this would annoy me too. Discuss it with her.

🙄🙄🙄 is that chip on your shoulder big enough?!

OP is allowed to ask for advice on any topic they want. If you don't like it, scroll on by.

You do realise that if nobody used a nanny, then all those nanny’s would be unemployed?

Her duties are way beyond that of a nanny. Nannies I know would really object to also being ‘the help’ ( as they would put it).
Maybe say what you suggested but increase her salary too.

Hi, YANBU

If it’s been pre-agreed, I don’t see anything wrong in you asking her about it.

I’m not jealous 🤣🤣🤣 I look after my own kids thank you 🤣🤣🤣

£30 here and there adds up but it would be interesting what she has to say about it cos there’s two sides to every story

@Sauvblanctime
That comment didn’t go down how you thought it would , did it? You were likely waiting for everyone to agree with you, but I ii just look ridiculous

What a bizarre set of responses. OP I'd be inclined to talk to her about it and make clear that going forward, if she's using your car, you will not pay petrol for her cat as well.

She should obviously not be asking for petrol money when she isn’t transporting the children. I think that’s very poor of her. You need to remind her that you’re only paying for when she’s working.

jealous?

op yanbu, there’s an agreed amount and she should stick to that . Also I can’t see why she’ll be entitled to the £30 fuel when she’s on holiday and won’t be using it on your children. She’s really trying it on

She’s not going to like it, but tell her you aren’t paying any mileage or petrol from now on because she is to use your car.

She is really taking advantage here and I’m sure she knows it.

@Kittykat9070 i don’t care what everyone else thinks tbh 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

Entitlement? What a petty spiteful and unhelpful response - maybe you should pop yourself back in your box.

OP I would definitely raise with your nanny. It could be an easily justified and evidenced payment, or it could be your nanny pushing her luck, hoping you won't notice (and may lead to other discrepancies). Hopefully the former and then you can agree a process going forward to ensure she checks with you prior to refuelling.

I was hesitant posting this as I was wary I’d get this type of response, didn’t expect it to be the first one though!

Talk to her. Without more details, it’s hard to know whether she’s taking advantage or whether things cost more than you expect.

My daughter is a nanny and the amount she’s allowed to spend for a week doesn’t even allow her to get a local bus most days. She has to choose which playgroup to go to each week when all her nanny friends go to two or three and she has had to miss most of the days out that the friendship group had planned because she isn’t allowed to spend the money. That’s not automatically unreasonable – ultimately, it’s up to the parents – and I’m definitely not saying you fall into that same category, but you do need to make sure you have all the facts so you can make a decision.

OP, you are being too lax on your finances with Nanny.
Tell her that she is to use your car when you are in work but that she must provide a receipt for all fuel costs. When (if she needs to) she uses her car for Nanny related duties, you will pay a fixed user car allowance - 45p per mile is standard - and this includes fuel. You could go as far as providing her with a mileage sheet to complete!
She’s taking the mickey out of you.

What is your sense of what's going on from her pov?

Do you think she thinks this is part of her salary rather than expenses so doesn't need to be tied to whether she has actually driven the children?

Or do you think she is stealing from you?

If you think it's a misunderstanding, yes definitely talk to her about it and explain what you think it's for.

If you think she is stealing from you deliberately, I don't think I could trust her with my children

Has she missed a couple of weeks so is just filling up at once to save two trips to the petrol station?

Now that we’ve got the unhelpful post out of the way….

@Saysomethingorwhatnot You need to have a conversation about this with her from employer to employee. Her ability to manage her money is none of your concern. Her ability to manage your money is your concern. Be way more explicit than you feel comfortable with. “Nanny, the £30 is for weeks you are working and using the car in the course of your work. Going forward this is what I’ll pay. I have noticed that some weeks you have taken the amount when you weren’t working. I should have said sooner to avoid the misunderstanding”

I'm just laughing at the comment about looking after her own kids - like that's somehow a gotcha! Take no notice op. I'd be stewing on that too.

Tell her you’re reviewing and streamlining your household expenses and maybe your cards or bank accounts and you’d like to sit down and review the child related expenses too. That way you have a face to face chat and sort out exactly where she stands with ‘add ons’

The overwhelming majority of parents actually have some sort of help in looking after their children, either via a partner, unpaid relative, paid childminder, paid nursery, before and after school clubs, babysitter etc etc. Because most of us work.

Well it’s pretty obvious you don’t run a business if you think OP is being entitled to raise an issue with her employee.

OP, I’d sit down with her to check what’s going on. Is she finding that petrol is very expensive or driving the kids around more than expected? If you aren’t using your car during the week it’s probably simplest to just have her use that than try to split the expenses across two vehicles.