Nanny spending more than agreed on own expenses

[Saysomethingorwhatnot]

I’ve name changed for this as I post a lot in my usual name, and don’t want this linked to my other threads.

I am a single parent working full-time, and have a full-time live-out Nanny for my 3 primary school aged DC who does everything; childcare/activities/shopping/cooking/cleaning/washing/ironing/errands etc.

So that Nanny doesn’t need to constantly ask me for money to facilitate the above, I provide a bank card with a limited amount of cash available for her to spend on house/children related purchases.

I used to add £160 to Nanny’s monthly payslip to cover travelling round with the children (Nanny has own car), however I’ve recently bought a new car which Nanny knows she can use anytime (and actually Nanny does use my car regularly as I don’t at all during the week as I commute using trains).

A few months before I got my new car, Nanny asked if I could pay her the equivalent taxed cash (£30) on a weekly basis for petrol instead of through her monthly salary. I agreed as I know she struggles with managing her own money, and has asked me for advances at end of week 3/beginning of week 4 of a month a few times.

My bank has recently asked for my updated mobile details, and I’ve suddenly started receiving notifications. I received a bank notification today to say Nanny has spent the double the amount I advised she could spend on weekly petrol (so £60 instead of £30). Possibly because she was on annual leave one of the weeks, however my thought is that if she was on annual leave, she wasn’t ferrying the children around. Plus she has access to my car when with us, so I shouldn’t be paying her car expenses as well. I looked back through my bank statements and noticed she’d spent the same double amount (£60) a few times previously (either after annual leave or during school holidays).

I am a fair employer, paying a market rate salary, plus I give Nanny payslip bonuses and extra days off during the year. I can afford the extra amounts Nanny has spent on petrol as I earn a decent salary, however wondering whether I would be unreasonable to say no petrol expense except when with children and for only the agreed amount. It’s really quite sensitive, as she is very much part of our family, DC love her, and I couldn’t do what I do without her. Makes me feel I’m being petty to quibble over £30 here and there, but I must admit it has irked me. If general consensus is that I should leave it, then I will.

Grateful for any thoughts.

Nanny is way more than a Nanny and whilst I’d be disappointed that someone was on the face of it taking advantage I’d be asking myself who’s actually getting the better deal.

I suspect it’s not the Nanny.

I have carers working round the clock in my home as well as another person who basically runs the house - I feel able to give my opinion.

Remind her she can only spend 30 pound a week on petrol

If she is using her own car for short trips she isn’t doing her car any favours. Can you pay her .45p per mile and ask for receipts.

With your own car just keep it topped up?

In fairness I think I muddied the waters initially as when she first started with us I didn’t have a car, so she used hers. In the first couple of years she asked me to pay her MOT and car repair bill, which I did.

Nanny needs her car to travel to us, as she lives 30 minutes drive away, however all day everyday my car is available for her sole use.

I would expect fuel costs to be more during school holidays as surely she is taking the children out? If it would work better then tell her she can only use your car and you make sure it is fuelled?

£30 of fuel doesn’t go very far with the current costs!

Ask her to put the expenses and reasons for the expenses in a spreadsheet. Say that this a new system. You will only refund from this spreadsheet. You have a set amount every month. If it goes over you’ll need the details. Tell her that you have to keep track of it all and that it’s been more than expected and you might need to find another solution for the car use. You’ve said that she’s not organised with her own expenses so make sure that this isn’t going into your payments.

@Letmeoutnow "Nannies I know would really object to also being ‘the help’ ( as they would put it)."

I agree with the principle-but that really is a snobbish little post!

If you stop feeding the village idiot it'll go away and seek attention somewhere else.

OP it sounds like your nanny is really bad with money. Sorry if I missed this but is she definitely spending it on petrol? I'm worried it's going astray, especially the cash, and wondering what she might be spending that on.

This is easier said than done as we all now have a very close relationship, it would like pulling up a friend (although I know she is an employee).

any tips on how to do this very very sensitively.

The car will still need to be filled with petrol though and I doubt OP would want to have to do that.

FFS these bloody posts harping on about entitlement and read the room and all the other crap, just piss off. It is not a race to the bottom. The OP has a genuine concern and is perfectly entitled to ask on here with out dickheads like you coming on with your shite.

I would send her a message saying you want her to use your car while she's looking after the DC in future and you'll make sure it's topped up with petrol. If she says anything I do think you should say that you've noticed she's using your account to pay for petrol when she's not working and to keep things straight you want her to use your car.

In many jobs you need to account for expenses to the penny. If I overclaimed expenses at work I would likely be fired. If it could be proved that I overclaimed dishonestly, even by a few pounds, I could lose my licence to practice. So I don’t think it’s unreasonable to raise it as an issue!

Plus if you are paying for her personal petrol she should be paying tax on that.

Being charitable, she may view the £30 pw as part of her wage rather than for petrol specifically. Could you just raise her wage by £100 per month and be done with the petrol now you provide a car?

I usually pay £30 per week for Nanny’s car fuel. DC schools and DC activities take place within a 5 mile radius of our house, and I pay for all those activities myself, directly to the organisers, so Nanny is not involved in that payment admin.

And she usually drives my car, although she does use hers occasionally.

@Sauvblanctime It's not a race to the bottom.

People can’t afford wine. Your username is tone deaf.

Oh wait. People have different lives and are allowed to post about them.

I am a fair employer, paying a market rate salary

Is that really market rate? 40K seems rather cheap for a nanny/housekeeper/PA as you described it. I have friends making that for standard nanny duties alone.

She might be calculating in the cost of travelling to and from your house in the costs?

I would give her the benefit of the doubt and it was a misunderstanding. As pp said just tell her to use your car for kid related activities.

Not that I am in the financial position to do so, but I imagine getting a great nanny is hard. So I think go easy in the conversation!

Everyone has to pay to transport themselves to and from work unless they walk or WFH, so nanny needing a car to get to work is entirely her own business.

Just tell her you’d prefer her to use your car so that you don’t have to pay for expenses on two cars. That would be a perfectly reasonable request so it shouldn’t feel too awkward. If you think it is likely to go down badly then that tells you that she’s deliberately taking the piss. If she weren’t, it would make no difference to her which car she uses while she’s working for you, and you wouldn’t feel that it was a difficult thing to talk to her about.

If she is using her car for dc then it it45p a mile, this is set by hmrc so if she is being paid more than this she will need to declare it. This might be your in and you can clarify with her that this has been raised to you and you just want to be clear which car she is using for what. I would suggest that you fill your car at the beginning of each week and see how much is then used.

Talk to her. Tell her that you have noticed the £60 and ask what it was for. It’s a genuine query, you aren’t accusing her. You are just trying to work out why it’s over the agreed amount.

In that case, I’d approach it as @martinisforeveryone suggested. Allows you to be clear but light touch. Good luck.

Just ignore the twat OP. There seems to be a contingent of posters jumping on every thread that comes up where someone has a bit more money than they do. Apparently we should all never talk about anything to do with money unless we are literally surviving on crusts and wearing 12 layers to keep warm. They are pathetic. There was even some on the investments board the other day telling people to check their privilege and read the room because they were talking about investing their money on a board meant for talking about it.
They are just showing themselves up to be a bit thick.

Speaking to her is the obvious answer surely 🤷🏻‍♀️. If you’re still not happy find another another Nanny? It’s not complicated is it ???