Nanny spending more than agreed on own expenses

[Saysomethingorwhatnot]

I’ve name changed for this as I post a lot in my usual name, and don’t want this linked to my other threads.

I am a single parent working full-time, and have a full-time live-out Nanny for my 3 primary school aged DC who does everything; childcare/activities/shopping/cooking/cleaning/washing/ironing/errands etc.

So that Nanny doesn’t need to constantly ask me for money to facilitate the above, I provide a bank card with a limited amount of cash available for her to spend on house/children related purchases.

I used to add £160 to Nanny’s monthly payslip to cover travelling round with the children (Nanny has own car), however I’ve recently bought a new car which Nanny knows she can use anytime (and actually Nanny does use my car regularly as I don’t at all during the week as I commute using trains).

A few months before I got my new car, Nanny asked if I could pay her the equivalent taxed cash (£30) on a weekly basis for petrol instead of through her monthly salary. I agreed as I know she struggles with managing her own money, and has asked me for advances at end of week 3/beginning of week 4 of a month a few times.

My bank has recently asked for my updated mobile details, and I’ve suddenly started receiving notifications. I received a bank notification today to say Nanny has spent the double the amount I advised she could spend on weekly petrol (so £60 instead of £30). Possibly because she was on annual leave one of the weeks, however my thought is that if she was on annual leave, she wasn’t ferrying the children around. Plus she has access to my car when with us, so I shouldn’t be paying her car expenses as well. I looked back through my bank statements and noticed she’d spent the same double amount (£60) a few times previously (either after annual leave or during school holidays).

I am a fair employer, paying a market rate salary, plus I give Nanny payslip bonuses and extra days off during the year. I can afford the extra amounts Nanny has spent on petrol as I earn a decent salary, however wondering whether I would be unreasonable to say no petrol expense except when with children and for only the agreed amount. It’s really quite sensitive, as she is very much part of our family, DC love her, and I couldn’t do what I do without her. Makes me feel I’m being petty to quibble over £30 here and there, but I must admit it has irked me. If general consensus is that I should leave it, then I will.

Grateful for any thoughts.

Very well but if op has a busy career then she needs a nanny. You do sound jealous.

That's good because nobody is the least interested in your opinion.

Just an idea - what about a pre paid debit card for the Nanny. Where you can only transfer £30 each week for fuel/ expenses.

Op is there anyway she is paying for petrol and then getting some cash back so it looks like it’s all petrol but she’s actually getting some cash in her pocket? If you get cash back it’s just says £50 at Tesco for instance so you wouldn’t know if it was all at Tesco or £20 on groceries and £30 cash back.. Just a thought.

Oh, I think id monitor for a while but not raise it

all things considered, she sounds invaluable and we’re talking about a small amount of money

Sounds like you have a nanny/housekeeper. Not just a nanny. Given how much cost of living has gone up I would talk to her. The main thing is to think how much you value her? How much you trust her? How well she looks after the children?
How much if an inconvenience it would be to replace her?
I would suggest you go on to sites like Eden and imperial nannies to see the current rate for nanny/housekeeper.

You’ve resolved the issue now, OP but I wanted to add my personal experience which is that situations like this arise because you’ve blurred the line between employee and friend. It’s understandable, as she’s looking after your children, she’s in your house, she probably knows more about the intimate details of your life than almost anyone (bar a partner). But, as the employer, it’s incumbent upon YOU to set the tone of the relationship. She does abc in return for xyz. Doesn’t mean that neither of you can every stray from the agreed line - but it does establish a baseline to which it’s easy to return. It’s boundary-setting a bit like with children. Everyone needs to know where they stand, what’s okay and what’s not okay.

Nannies

Going against the grain here, I wouldn’t jeopardise your good relationship with your nanny unless you really suspect she’s taking the piss. Is you’ve had a system based on trust then changing it to asking her to account for all expenses will really change the relationship and make her feel untrusted. Can you ask her how the expenses are working out and gently let her know that you know more petrol money’s been used than needed. Then see if she’s a bit more careful in future.

If you can afford it and you’re happy with her overall and don’t want to lose her i think I would just let it go but watch her spends to make sure it doesn’t get out of hand

I think I'd let it slide tbh. She is doing such a huge amojt for you and the children. It would be a bit silly to upset her over £30 herr and there

She's on £40K... If you consider it's not unusual for a teacher or nurse to be on less than £30K but having to pay for their own transport to and from work, I think that puts it in perspective. You now provide a car for her to use at work and I wonder on the whole Benefits in Kind and tax things with you paying for her commute - and then some!

I think you need to stop paying for her petrol as it does sound like a tax dodge. If she needs to use her own car for work purposes, then you need to work out a per mile way of paying it - so if your car is being repaired and she uses hers to take your kids around, use mapometer to work out the distance travelled and give money based on that. Blame the taxman but I do feel that's how it ought to be done. Same if you do decide to cover her commute. I think you may need to start seeing receipts to match all expenditure tbh. When I had a corporate credit card, I was expected to account for every penny spent on it bar about £5 a day.

I completely see how difficult this is. You obviously trust her with your children, home and car, and she’s part of your family. So this is what I would do.
I would cancel the card. Tell her the bank contacted you as it had been cloned or something similar.
Then say that this has actually made you think about how you want to pay it in future.
So now she just uses your car.
Make sure there is always enough petrol. Then say someone warned you that she may end up paying extra tax for travel benefits or something like that.
Then say so I’m going to give you £120 cash at the beginning of the month to cover her petrol and any extra costs.
That should give you control back and you don’t have to have a difficult conversation.
£40k plus extra £120 is a good salary.

OP, I would perhaps just let this pass. If you can comfortably afford to, then it’s possibly not worth the stress for you and any potential upset. You’re not wrong for raising it either, but if you are looking for encouragement not to raise it, then you have mine! Sometimes it’s not worth the hassle. If it was me, I would monitor it for another three months, add up the annual value of the discrepancy and then agree with yourself what we’re willing to let go. If it comes for £200/300 per year then let it go, over £500 (or whatever works for you) then raise it.

Hmm, I used to be a Nanny and had (generous) expenses for me and the kids. I always kept receipts ( my employer never asked to see them) and tried to make sure I didn’t abuse the system.
Not to say I didn’t see it happening with other employees. And if I challenged it I found they would try to have a quiet word with the boss to make out it was me. Fortunately my charges were older and so could put the record straight.
Point I’m making is myBoss seemed to weigh things up. If employee generally sound and she was happy with her, I found she ignored the extra bit of shopping on the Household expenses. However, it seemed the more inefficient the employee the more liberal they were with someone else’s money and were let go.
Is Nanny efficient, trustworthy and kind? If so maybe ask your kids about the petrol-usage before broaching with her. If she is angry and defensive you know something is amiss. If apologetic then either review her salary or direct her financial management, maybe both?

You could discuss the petrol money with her as there may be a rational explanation. But, honestly, I would leave this alone. What you have works for you and your family. Think of it as a bonus.

What I think you should do is raise it with her and ask why it's happened and if she needs that much more money for petrol.

If she says yes, then say ok I'll put that budget up to £60. However it's going to be transferred over not from my account anymore. And change account details so she can't access. And any other increases need to be discussed and agreed upon in advance just so you aren't surprised with them. Just say this in a way that feels collaborative and not disciplinary.

As you said, it's a small amount. Is she taking the piss? Potentially. Can you afford to lose her over £30 worth of taking the piss a month? I seriously doubt it. Better to have an open conversation laying down the boundaries and compromising so everyone comes out of it feeling like they got what they wanted.

It’s a luxury to stay at home and look after your kids these days. Most of us have to work. Lucky you to have someone who earns enough money for you to stay home and look after your own kids. Hope you’re enjoying judging others while quaffing your SauvBlanc 👍

Check out the expenses. She might be great with your kids and home but if she’s stealing it is not good. It might be accountable expenses and fine but you have a suspicion it’s not work expenses. You can find another nanny if necessary. Once you’ve identified if the cost is justified you can decide what to do. Don’t allow anyone to walk over you and take your hard earned money from you. It’s your kids money too.

Just say the bank has now notified you on every transaction and you were wondering what this payment was for. She will either explain or know not to do it in the future.

@Sauvblanctime
'i don’t care what everyone else thinks tbh 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️'

I don't think anyone actually cares what you think either😂